Those in between stages (17)

This has been more or less how we went on except we met via IC. We talked about everything we thought was important before we met. We then met and kept it on as equal footing as possible to discuss detail. This and our previous discussions formed the basis for consent.

After that we just got on with life as an O/p couple as practically as possible, it wasn't ideal living in two counties to start with. One thing we are both good at is communicating so thanks to that we progressed at a practical and natural rate. It'll only be two years in Feb but it's felt so 'right' that it seems like much longer.

I propose something, we try it - we work on it: If it is tolerable to her (note tolerable, not necessarily agreeable; her understanding that the dynamic is about becoming mine has been amazing) we agree it is part of the dynamic, she relinquishes her right to refuse - we move on - trying to improve all we have incorporated into our rules and rituals, etc, all the time.

So far, so good.

Best to all.

Patience is bitter - but its fruit is sweet.
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My feelings are that both the Dom and the sub start off and always stay equals. The sub may well totally controlled by the Dom but the power to have that control comes from the sub. Although I understand if people feel this would need its own blog.

In a very simple way I would describe it as a running contract which is renewed each day and is open for re-negotiation on a regular or as needed basis. The speed and degree of this handover of control will be controlled by how comfortable and willing both Dom and sub are and how deep both are willing to go.

We both like your analogy. Blanket consent dosen't work for us because P feels he has won nothing under those circumstances (His words), and I feel that gradual communication of needs, wants , desires and understanding, trying and testing what works has given rise to a more natural and deeper enduring D/s dynamic for both of us.

The one time I tried blanket consent in the past didn't work, perhaps my lack of understanding, but also perhaps the very thing that the D asked for was the thing He didn't want...complete and unchallenged obedience. I think that perhaps coloured my view but I'm pleased it did as I now feel fullfilled in being O'd and P'd and we grow from strength to stronger.

I would normally have been inclined to disagree that the submissive initially holds the power, but recently Im actually experiencing that it can indeed be true depending on their interpretation of what submission is and where they are in their journey of becoming a submissive in the complex D/s sense of the word.

I suppose it stems down to good, open, honest communication and clearly establishing if both people see the ultimate long term objective as being the same thing. If so, then I believe a gradual introduction of rituals etc, according to the individual's ability and readiness to incorporate them in to their everyday life, would be the best way to proceed. I recently read a post on the boards by someone who mentioned that D/s, M/s relationships should always be about moving forward, and in this instance I can really agree with that and also with initially taking very small steps according to the submissive/slave ability to adapt to the changes which are being made.

I really wish I knew the answer to this, especially when the two individuals come from completely different ends of the spectrum in terms of how seriously they view D/s. It's so much easier when they do just hand over consent and are compliant to instruction from the off set, but I suspect not half as much fun, though I do reserve the right to change my mind on that in the not so distant future!

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I agree, sensitivity is an asset, although you have the consent outfacing the submissive with too much change for the stage they are at could be counter-productive.

f x

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