Real life D/s questions (84)

Funny you should say that - I had been going to ask a question of my own.. any other dominants ever consider just getting a dog instead?

De

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Dominants need support just like every other person. Support is not just giving platitudes, that's just giving platitudes! Supporting someone means using all your skills to SUPPORT them. The Oxford English Dictionary defines support (as a verb) as: 1 bear all or part of the weight of. 2 give assistance, encouragement, or approval to.

Note the "assistance", and "bear all or part of the weight".

And you certainly don't need to Dominate someone to do that! You just need to be yourself.

What we do, we do because on some level we enjoy it. So allow the relationship to become what it's going to become. Allow give and take in the support department, without trying to make it anything other than what it is...two (or more) people enjoying each other on every level!

And for the record, that goes for any aspect, including furniture, being higher than your Dominant, and so on. Whatever works in YOUR dynamic is right

Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. (R. Frost)
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new (A. Einstein)

As other have stated, that isn't domination, that is support. Something that a one person will do for another that they have any regard for, regardless of the nature of the relationship.

That is where the support comes in.

It depends. I once served a Mistress for eighteen months. I never once sat on her living room furniture, I was usually too busy. My usual seat when I needed one was a stool in the kitchen and that seemed perfectly right and proper. The first time I sat on her settee was when delivering a birthday present, after the relationship had ended.

Susan Williams

I read the whole thread but will only adress this. From my POV, when I, as his sub/slave WOULDNT be his loyal and (in the end) obediant partner, I would not have to react on him screwing up. I would just let him clean up his own mess and leave him to solve his own problems.

I choose to do otherwise, cause I feel I owe him that. I feel thats loyalty.

Also, he is just human, and in that aspect he is allowed to make human mistakes, as we all do. It doesnt make him less dominant. I would never ever think of chastidising him, or dominating him. I will, however, point certian things out to him, in a respectfull way, when I feel that the situation calls for that. And offer my support and help. Leaving him alone to solve his problems doesnt exactly sounds loyal and committed to me...

For me, adressing his possible mistakes, is NOT switching, but its taking my responsabilaty as a partner.

Especially for it still remains his prerogative to act on my findings/comments or not.

Edited 1 Jan 10, 3:15 PM by othyim

In reverse order: question 2, I won't comment because I've never lived in that type of 'protocol' relationship, it just makes me feel a bit silly, and I can't take it at all seriously.

Question 1 is a very interesting question though. I had a great conversation with someone (a Dom) last year, when I was going through difficult time, who said 'sometimes even the Domme needs a Dom'. I disagreed vehemently at the time. However, I'm starting to wonder if he was right. But that is more a reflection of my definition of 'dominant', which I'm beginning to suspect isn't quite like most people here (which I accept makes me wrong and in a minority).

Apart from anything else, I don't hold with the whole notion of 'chastising', so I certainly wouldn't expect a submissive to rise up and 'chastise' me! They would be welcome to turn my 'tools' on me, as I love a good fight, and a bit of pain, but that is firmly in the category of 'fun and games' and is nothing whatsoever to do with dominance/submission.

But in the case of a serious situation, where it fell to a submissive to actually 'take the lead', make decisions, sort matters out, I could picture myself accepting that. Perhaps others just think of that as 'support', but for me, one person is 'dominating' and the other is 'submitting' to the will of the other, and I don't have any hang-ups about the role-reversal if the need arose.

Chastisement? That would imply that the submissive had control and that doesn't happen in my relationships. They have only the control I give them for the time I let them have it.

I don't get the "having her tools turned against her" bit. Are you talking about emotional blackmail or something similar?

SinPar

-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis)

Edited 1 Jan 10, 4:46 PM by SinPar

I've read this out of context so I might well be wrong, but are you saying that if you're submissive you should never sit higher than a, or your, dom? If so: Why?

All of us are in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. Oscar Wilde.

I definitely think of that as 'support' rather than 'dominating'. It's no different to a secretary organising her boss's schedule and dealing with (i.e. taking the lead on) other minutiae, thus leaving him free to do his own job.

On a superficial level, the secretary is telling the boss where to go and when to go there, but that doesn't mean that she's in charge *of him*, much less 'dominating' him. By delegating responsibility, the boss still retains the final say. It's only if he abdicates responsibility that he finally starts to lose control.

Joking I am. I'm not really a giant.

Errrrrrrrrr how about never?

I love that, a 'dominant' individual who actually has no control over their own life... and yet expects to have control over others....

A submissive should choose wisely and no s/he shouldnt take any old rubbish... nor should they be trying to influence the domiannts life because they see it to be in that persons best intrest... i find that to be rather controlling behaviour and i wouldnt expect to see it from a submissive.

Nooooooooooo they shouldnt be a doormat..... if someone is submitting to me they should think carefully before attempting to 'switch' they might come to deeply regret it unless it was agreed beforehand..... it would serioulsy piss me off if they just thought they would try it on..

I have a couple of people i play with and this one depends on the dynamic of that relationship.... my owned submissive does not sit on my furniture even when we are just relaxed and informal, he has rules about his conduct when he is in my house which he has to follow (in theory).

Other people that i 'play' with the dynamic is slightly different in that the D/s is less important and in that case the not sitting on my furniture is simply reserved for when we are in 'play' mode....

~* Raku wa ku no tané; ku wa raku no tané. *~

Just cos you're in a minority, doesn't make you wrong