Posted by Chrome_Bitch
on Thu 31 Dec 09, 11:42 AM to Chrome_Bitch's blog.
Tags: Kirkcaldy (KY)
Hmm when I look back at the start of the year you could have said I should have been locked up, I know that is what the doctors thought. I was well and truly fucked with depression and I could not see any way out of the black hole I was in either, cutting myself helped take the pain away from what I felt inside!.
One daft bugger from Dundee that has been through so much with me and to be honest has helped me no end and I owe so much to its scarey. He has rushed down to pick me up when I have dropped down into my self hating pit and the bugger even drove me to the point of gutting his house just to take my mind off things
And I was seeing a Domme for the first time and she was slowly helping me make sense of a lot crap that was going on in my head. I had to put a lot of things in my head to rest but that was easier said than done, not wanting to let go was a real task. J and C did so much for me.. letting me stay with them so that I wouldn't be alone... I hated being alone.... when I was alone it gave me time to think and that started a downward spiral most of the time and I'd normally end up and a bloodied mess.
Mucho thanks to all three of you for the help you gave me in the year
Anyway with one thing and another J and I lost touch and I was doing better within myself anyway, tho all the time that I wasn't with her I still thought about her and her partner. One major thing she brought into my life was Nala... a 1 year old German Sheppard … now to say she was a handful would be an understatement full of beans and not much training... ahh bliss this would keep my head on track!
Anyway as the months past my moods, temper and depression kinda went all over the place. I had 2 stupid relationships that I knew would go nowhere and that sent me backwards again.
The thing is I cant handle rejection...it really fucks me over and its like my world falls in on me and I cant cope..
So I stayed away from any sort of relationship to keeps myself safe and I built up walls so no-one could get in... if no-one gets in the I cant get hurt... It worked... for the best part of 09 I was single and I July I was off the pills and doing great …. I hadn't cut myself since the start of June and I was feeling happy in myself... really contented to just be me, but there was always apart of me that had something missing.
I knew I was ready to go back to work I was bored with being at home and there is only so many times in a day you can wank!! But it wasn't the only the job I was missing …. it was the masochist in me crying out to be played with again... but holding off seemed to be the best idea... I was really scared in case it set me back again. But low and behold I found someone to play with a few months later and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be …. I loved it... so I had found I playmate that I could do some sessions with, without the full blast relationship. But that didn't last long. I started speaking to a guy on facebook and we seemed to get on great online … Hmmm time we met I think....
So a few weeks later he came up for a few days and it was great....I was still fairly closed off tho.... I was scared to let him get to close and scared to open up to him... but I knew I wanted a relationship with him.. so I just had to take a risk... see that is what life is all about.... taking that chance to be happy.. I've always known that but easier said than done....
Anyhoo.... What can I say its been the best risk I've taken in a long time.... I'm happy .. I have his collar and I don't think I could ask for more.... ummm... well... just one thing really … a lottery win would be good... I don't want much... just a few grand to help kick start 2010... oh and a JOB would be good to....
So my start to the year was crappy but my ending... well its ace... I have Been back in contact with J & C for the past few months and I have a new man in my life … its perfect.
Happy New Year to you all... and my 2010 be greater than 2009 !! 
| 31 Dec 09, 12:20 PM druidic UK(DD), 12 yrs  |
Sending you a large hug! xxxxx FIFE & TAYSIDE MUNCH |
| 31 Dec 09, 12:43 PM Mistress_Maurela 5 yrs £ |
Really nice to hear that you have got out the other side and life is better for you  Good luck with 2010 |
| 31 Dec 09, 2:58 PM cuddlybeth UK, 6 yrs |
good luck and I hope that 2010 will be a start to something better. |
| 31 Dec 09, 9:24 PM JJ_sub UK(DD), 4 yrs |
All the best for 2010 hun. Onwards and upwards! xx |
| 1 Jan 10, 1:18 PM pod333 UK(DD), 6 yrs |
Good luck for 2010! I am sure we all look forward to seeing you out and about having fun. |
| 3 Jan 10, 4:53 PM MistressFeral 4 yrs |
that story tells Me something about you, that you are a strong independant person who will always survive no matter what the world throws at you. I csant help but admire youre inner strength and say that Im really enjoying getting to know you more.
Good luck for 2010.
which one of you bitches is next? |
| 20 Jan 10, 11:57 PM Chrome_Bitch 8 yrs |
well that didnt fucking last long did it Never test the depth of water with both feet! |
