Posted by sparkysbabe
on Sat 26 Dec 09, 4:02 PM to sparkysbabe's blog.
Why does this happen? You have tried everything, tried to encourage play, dressed up, bought books so that you can both learn new things, yet no matter what you do, nothing works, he's just not interested to the point of complete rejection is felt by me.
I have experienced this for a few months now, and however much i try to enhance the relationship, nothing works.
do i stay or do i go? that is the question for 2010.
I have four children, but I have done it before, moved out set up on my own, I know I can do it, but i'm not a 100% sure that is the answer.
Why am I such a failure at relationships?
I've acknowledge to him that i am not a slave, nor do i feel any submissive tendancies towards him any more, we are friends only for the majority of the time.
I have played with others, but they don't give me the same feelings as he used to do, to be honest I wouldn't expect them too in the short time we have to play, that level of attraction or desire can only come from time together. So although the play is fun, it will never be the bee all and end all of my life.
I've never felt so lonely in my life as I do now even though I am surrounded by people, but nothing can fulfil me any longer, there is only one thing I want and it is the one thing that seems impossible to have.
I'm so low at the moment, and have been for weeks, why can't he see past the mist and see what he has before him? why does he seek a 'pet' to play with when we could build up on what we've had, but perhaps we have gone past that stage now. I'm am beginning to feel that this is the beginning of the end now.
I cry myself to sleep so many nights and sit here in front of the screen typing words, so many words in an email to him, but they never get sent. They just get relegated to the drafts box, in reserve in case I ever get the courage to actually send any of them.
I don't have the answers at the minute, I can't talk to anyone who will understand. I am all talked out at home, I've talked and talked and everything remains the same, perhaps even that slightly bit worse if the truth be known.
Misery is mine to hold onto for the moment, covering my heart in a membrane unbreakable by anyone or anything.
Emotions wash over me hourly, I am constantly thinking of ways to improve things, but know they are wasted or not wanted.
welcome to the life of me and mine.
