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Edited Mon 23 May 11, 9:39 PM by SecretSmile

As for what i like my subbie to do during play well i personally like the yelps, wriggles etc, a still subbie doesnt do anything for me, feed back is always wanted, indeed needed during play.

At times I'd like to break you and drive you to your knees At times I'd like to break through and hold you endlessly *Dan Hill*
There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary & those who don't

Generally, I think polite and respectful behavior between couples is called for in public, regardless of bdsm roles.

More specifically, in as much as the fora are "public" ~

I tend toward being open when it comes to discussing matters of my sexuality in an environment such as this one. However, my partner tends to be quite private. I sometimes find it difficult then, to discuss my own experiences, challenges or expectations without violating his privacy, which I would consider to be wholly inappropriate.

I was just discussing something similar to this with a friend yesterday. When I have been with a dominant who is new to me, I tend to be somewhat calm and quiet in the early days. As I warm up to the relationship and get more comfortable with him, I tend to be much more responsive. I'm not sure why this is the case, but it has put some new dominants off me in the past.

love the brave but avoid cowards, knowing the gratitude of cowards is small ~Praxilla of Sicyon

On the issue of noise during play, this is less of a negotiation matter. Either the sub takes it with stoicism or not isn't something that can be legislated for. Some do, and some don't. My own preference is for a sub to do whatever she feels the need to. There is a certain satisfaction in hearing yelps, but it doesn't have to be a matter of 'right and wrong'.

The more you explore the world of BDSM, the more you will find that it's like talking to five lawyers - you will probably get six opinions. Nothing is right, nothing is wrong, there are only differences of opinion and practice.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars"

I'm more inlined to say that the behaviour of the sub reflects on the sub. Of course, every person and every situation shoud be weighed up individually and punishment, if deemed appropriate, should probably not be immediate as that indicates 'bad management'.

As for the 2nd question - I think I prefer slower, grinding movements along with low moans of enjoyment indicating complete bliss, but it does depend on what I'm doing at the time of course. Variation is the key. The occasional yelp and reactive twitch is always welcome.

Hope that helps. (edited for typos)

Think outside the box if you will, but I still have you tied up inside it!
Your mind is like a parachute - it only functions when it's open!
http://www.underwraps.org.uk/

Edited 23 Dec 09, 12:55 PM by Shaydes

There have been some good replies so far. Although there is no definite Right way to behave there are some protocols that are observed in public in a BDSM context:

* One person's idea of being cute and feisty may well be another's view of bratty and insubordinate - maybe asking your Dom(me) for an indication of where the boundary lies may help.

* Deliberately speaking over somebody or being contradictory merely with the intent of gaining attention is just plain rude anyway, but I guess it is all the more so if your Dom(me) or one of their friends are offended by one's behaviour.

* Playing in a club with somebody else without asking if your Dom(me) is happy with this first. (to my shame I am guilty of getting caught up in the moment and doing this as my Dom was not out in the club that evening and the person I played with was a friend from university that I had no idea would be at the club. I won't be inconsiderate like that ever again)

Having said that, I do not want to give the impression that subs/bottoms are to be seen and not heard, nor do I personally feel that any Dom(me) has the right to tell you what to do (unless it has already been negotiated with you and your Dom(me)). I state this only because *some* Dom(me)s seem to expect instant respect from you whilst displaying none to you as a person, whilst in clubs.

It's different strokes for different folks really. Some prefer you to take what they issue you without too much fuss and drama, whilst others thrive off the reaction you give. I guess so long as you are reacting in an honest fashion and are not "putting on a show" by being falsely vocal.

Sure, feedback is vital, but faking the yelps is akin to faking an orgasm in a "When Harry Met Sally" style in my humble opinion. I've been told I'm too quiet when some folks played with me in the past, yet my Dom says he knows when I'm reacting, and that even though I start off quiet, the way I twitch, wriggle or sink into the restraining device in a puddle of mush is indicative enough for him, though he will give the occasional thwack just to check that my vocals chords are definitely working.

I hope my response is of some use.

Seasons Greetings to you too, by the way.

Take me to bed and rip me apart

I am not interested in whatever someone else advices you in that matter, but in the end it all sums up to one single point: you have to do whatever the Dom tells you the very second He advices you so. Whatever it is: do it. By the letter. It is that simple.

Therefore a Dom has to be absolutely trustworthy. But - the other way around - the submissives as well. I'd never give a sub a second chance who'd refuses to obey in a public place or in a club.

Just try it. It's easy.

see also anaiis ic site and die-erdbeerbowle.de (our adventures in the London and UK Fetish party scene)

Here Here.

I didn't mind my sub having a little mess around and doing the old silly things. It's usually just a bit of fun. I've been quite luck in having well behaved subs. But sometimes it's just the wrong time and place. I found having a "no I mean it" signal important. And if genuine embarrassment has been caused a talking to after wards has usually stopped such future behavior as most subs want please.

As for the question of reactions during play. I do like to see some noises, wriggling a reaction in someway but as long as it's not faked. A subbie should react naturally how else would the Dom know things are working well.

This could end up like the safeword debate did.

Of course one can make up whatever situation where absolutely obeying would not be opportune. If a lorry crashes through the window, I would prefer her not to follow my orders... I don't think that this is the point here.

As I said: For me a sub has to obey. Wherever, however. To the letter. But of course - this is maybe different to others.

see also anaiis ic site and die-erdbeerbowle.de (our adventures in the London and UK Fetish party scene)

Notwithstanding the fact that such questions ultimately come down to no-one other than the people involved (as we're all well aware by now!), I do sometimes cringe when I see a couple in a self-proclaimed 'deadly serious D/s relationship' where the 'sub' is being an obviously manipulative pain in the arse and the 'dom' is letting them get away with it.

I hasten to add that there is no definition of 'inherently bad' behaviour; however, when people put great stock on being one thing and then publicly demonstrate their failure to live up to their own standards, then that inevitably makes them both look foolish.

Joking I am. I'm not really a giant.

Edited 26 Dec 09, 4:18 PM by El_Presidente