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| relaxed1 |
on Tue 22 Dec 09, 7:22 PM to relaxed1's blog.
I am sick and tired of it all. Everything I do seems to turn to crap, particularly relationships and friendships. I hasten to add that I'm not referring to anyone in particular in this blog – if you think I'm referring to someone you know, you're probably wrong.
It's not often that I've felt like this, and not for a while, and perhaps I'm being a little over-sensitive. Maybe it's just that I'm feeling a bit low. But this is the thing. When I do something, I do it with all my heart and soul. Sometimes I fuck up, sometimes I get it right, but always it is with all of me, to the best of my ability, with the best of intentions. That is who I am, what I am, I know no other way to be.
But it seldom seems to be enough, or good enough. I try my hardest to be a good person, to be a good friend, and still it seems so often that it's not enough. I see my exes getting on with their lives, happy with their lot, and I envy them. I try to put others' needs before my own and seldom seem to find it reciprocated.
If I had a friend for all the ex-partners who have promised to stay in touch over the years, I would be drowning in them (ok, that's hyperbole, I've not had that many relationships, but every person that I have been involved with has professed to wanting to remain friends). But the truth is, as best as I can judge, all that most actually wants is a friend on their terms, to take or leave as it suits them.
It leaves me feeling stupid and used, my 'munificence' in offering or agreeing to remain friends abused, as if all that matters is what they want or need from a friendship, and never a thought for the other person. I see friendship as mutually supportive – that at least is how it is with my true, close, friends. And perhaps I'm just an eternal optimist, but I see the closeness that is implicit in a relationship as making a good foundation for a friendship.
Maybe I've just been unfortunate, or maybe it's simply that I am so flawed as an individual that those who profess to wanting to be friends just say so to get rid of me. I guess I'll never know.
| 22 Dec 09, 8:25 PM Masters_Delight UK(WD), 5 yrs |
Sometimes the only thing in common that partners have is their relationship. Once that is gone there isn't much left to be getting on with. I have a few exes, only one of them i still talk to and that is very sparodic. The others that i don't talk to isn't because we have fell out but because we have just moved on and just don't see or speak to each other. People move on with their lives and exes are part of the past. For me they are anyway. I'm so fucking fabulous, i piss glitter. |
| 23 Dec 09, 12:28 AM ScarlettDeWinter UK(BS), 3 yrs |
Interestingly, despite my many issues with the characters you find on IC, it's a great place to have a rant and I'm often struck but the kindness of complete strangers who make the effort to give advice despite the fact that they've never met me. Sometimes those relationships are some of the most fun as well as the easiest. Focus on the good, (easy to say, I know, harder to do.) Things often seem utterly shit, they rarely stay that way. Promise. All of us are in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. Oscar Wilde. |
| 23 Dec 09, 9:12 AM jules9 UK(CH), 3 yrs    |
Sometimes staying friends is the hardest thing. When a relationship ends, the feelings are often still there, and keeping that friendship can hurt, over and over again. It shows what kinds of person you are though, that you want to remain friends with your exes, so keep your chin up and be proud of being the person you are. Have a nice *hug* and hopefully the next one, will be there for keeps. XxX |
