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What are the clues that the person you are emailing (male or female)or talking to on the phone might not be what they say they are?

I have been pretty lucky in most of my encounters but I have had several over the years where I really did come to the conclusion that they were married or not as they portrayed themselves.

I have compiled my own little list of clues and I thought I would share it with you. I would be interested in hearing others' tips.

Please bear in mind that I am not suggesting that any of these things on their own means that someone isn't genuine, but a combination of some of these can certainly be a 'red flag' that all is not what it seems. Here goes:

1. They don't have a landline number to give you (all contact is by mobile so it means they can talk to you without the wife/gf knowing). Now I know some folks these days genuinely don't have landline phones, but in my experience most mature home-owners usually do.

2. They don't have a fixed address. They claim they are staying with friends or have just come back to the UK after living abroad.

3. They arrange to meet and then don't contact you until the day of the meeting itself to say they have to cancel, sometimes after a period of no communication at all in the few days leading up to the planned meeting.

4. Your emails are not replied to and all of their correspondence (after the initial online contact) is via text or mobile.

5. They change their profile unexpectedly to 'not looking' after only having corresponded with you for a few days (after a period where nothing happened at all). Perhaps they met someone else in the meantime, but rather a sudden commitment to someone else is rather suspicious. Or is it that their wife or gf caught them out?

6. Lots of foreign travel and supposed difficulty in emailing/texting from hotels etc (yes, even in 2009!)

7. Big unexplained gaps in their correspondence with you.

8. Texts/emails allegedly sent that you didn't get.

9. They say they were unable to call you because they were out late with friends but their profile shows they were online (and even writing forum posts) at the time of being 'out.'

These are just a few 'clues' that things aren't what they seem. Now it may not mean that they are married or in a relationship. It may simply mean that they are no longer interested in you. But why they can't just say, instead of play these silly games, is beyond me!

Feel free to add your own 'clues.'

Thanks God most people aren't like this!

Good luck!

andie

no landline and no fixed address.

I genuinely dont ever use my landline phone (though im also not a mature homeowner)

In all the people I know or have met in the scene, only two know my home address - that's not information I just volunteer since it's really not necessary for anyone to know.

But maybe just me.

andie

most mature home-owners - so that particular item not much use for young folks who:

share a flat/rented house with vanilla friends.

are fresh out of university and haven't found a flat/rented house yet and are living with (vanilla) family.

In such cases mobiles are rather useful

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - Confucius

I dont believe there are any clues if the person is hell bent on decieving. I spent 6 months talking to a lady on the telephone nightly & by text, we exchange photos etc, we started as friends & became close, at the end of the 6 months there was a deep connection between us, or so i thought! (No fool like an old fool comes to mind)

We arranged to meet, i traveled 100 miles, we meet & low & behold a total stranger turned up, not the girl i had grown fond of.

Unbeknown to me she is married & in an open relationship, husband was & is fully aware of her deceit & plays his own games. Later she went on to play the same game with a guy in the USA, he left his wife & children, resigned from his job & flew to the UK to start his new life with this wonderfull creature he had met online!

Yep you guessed it, no one turned up at Heathrow to meet him.

Moral is " Take care folks it can be dangerous out there"

I also don't think checking the time they were online is an indicator of anything other than that they have online interests that don't revolve around me. I don't feel that every time my guy is online he must contact me. He gets to have some space and privacy.

Basically, this all goes back to a point I was trying to make in the other thread about subs being trusting. You just can't hold the lies someone else has told you against each new contact, setting up elaborate rules, stalking their online presence and so on to make sure they're telling you the truth. At some point, you have to be willing to trust, even while maintaining a healthy sense of skepticism. It's a very slender tightrope to walk.

love the brave but avoid cowards, knowing the gratitude of cowards is small ~Praxilla of Sicyon

Having got on very well initially and allowed them through to my messenger. The one thing that has caught them out is when I ask them to send me several ordinary pix. Different to those on their profiles.

4 of them promptly removed not only their profiles but their email addresses.

Should anyone now read my profile I am very clear in my requests. In fact I have just once again had to update it with a word inclusion. Just to ensure that they have read my profile.

I am fed up of timewasters. My profile is genuine. I value my time and wouldnt waste anyone elses. To do so would waste mine.

Dont misunderstand me though. Im well aware there are plenty of wannerbees out there.

This is simply my may of trying to weedle them out....

Due to the number of fakes around there needs to be a healthy degree of doubt until someone has shown themselves to be trustworthy. There are things you can do, and checks you can make, to protect yourself in the meantime.

There is no reason why either party shouldn't continue their online activities. But if they feel they have to lie about it, or their online presence indicates they were lying about something else, then it rather raises questions about their ability to be truthful once you are actually in a relationship.

andie

Edited 21 Dec 09, 11:43 PM by andie1

It is the curse of the interweb which, whilst enabling people to meet who might otherwise never encounter one another, it also allows the players an easy way to play their games. Dishonesty has always been around, long before the technology made it both easier to get/keep in touch, so I guess it's inevitable that 'plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose'.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars"

No not just you, I have a landline and never use it either. Always, always give out my mobile number as I can be reached on that anytime.

In saying that I do have a PAYG mobile that we use when we first contact people, I am not giving my personal number to anybody until we know them better and know they are not timewasters or a him pretending to be them.

jxx