Posted by the_unsub on Fri 18 Dec 09, 3:29 PM to the_unsub's blog.
As 2009 draws to a close I'm left reflecting on my journey in to this world. It's been nearly 2 months since I started this journey. The 24th of October, I guess that was the day that changed everything, the day I finally plucked up the courage to go to a munch. I still remember the strange combination of trepidation and excitement, the way I very nearly turned around and left before I even got there, remember getting lost along the way and the way I must have radiated first time nervousness when I finally arrived.
These past two months I've been through an emotional roller coaster. I've experienced amazing highs, seen incredible things, experienced the wonder of subspace. At the same time I've been through terrible lows and self doubt. At times I've wondered if I've gotten in over my head, stressed about what this means for my future and and wondered if it's all worth it. No matter how much I tried to get out I came to the conclusion that this is a part of me and there is no denying it.
But the most significant thing is that I've made great friends, people I feel like I can be myself around. Since then I've started to really open up.
I remember first visiting a club, until so recently I never thought places like this existed. Seeing the furniture for the first time had to be one of the scariest experiences of my life. Now I find myself settling in, becoming more comfortable in this environment. Pedestal scared the Hell out of me, I promptly crashed the following day. Since then I've learned how to take better care of myself, I learned what foods to eat before and after play, started to learn how to stay in a positive mindset.Was this a good choice of first club? I don't know. Would I do things differently if I could go back? Probably. An I glad I want? Yes.This has been a learning experience, difficult at times but I feel better for the experience.
I've never been through such an upheaval, such profound changes, in such a short space of time. So now I can only wonder what 2010 has in store and where I go from here.
I'd like to take this opportunity to everyone who's helped make me feel welcome during this difficult time. Thanks to all those who made the wonderful events possible - the organisers of: Pedestal, KINKY, Lash. Thanks to all those who organised the munches in Leeds, Bradford and Manchester for creating a space to help ease people like me in to the scene. Thanks to all the people who spoke to me at all of these places and made me feel welcome. The scene is only as good as the people in it. The scene IS the people.
Wishing you all a great 2010!
Edited Fri 18 Dec 09, 3:36 PM by the_unsub
| 5 Jan 10, 1:59 PM Pan_Paniscus UK(S), 3 yrs  |
Likewise! |
