Posted by CPeccavi on Thu 17 Dec 09, 6:31 AM to CPeccavi's blog.
Tags: Liverpool (L)
.... no I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a very shy person who hurts easily and cares with a passion for others' feelings. I'm good in a crowd and when floating on the periphery but I am introverted and need a lot of time alone. I was married for years to a man who didn't exist, a very good, kind man who suddenly turned and did very cruel things to me and my children..... he was a narcissist who did and said whatever would get a favourable reaction. After living with a phantom for so long I wasn't going to trust anyone. Not that I realised it. To compound this I have been deceived, lied to, lied about and generally fucked over as happens on the BDSM Scene (not by a regular play partner, I must add) and this compacted the layers of resilience until no one could get near. I wasn't actually aware that that was what had happened until I was informed that I had to let my guard down before something could progress. So now I am left vulnerable, barricadeless and emotionally naked. To compound this the person who's removed those layers is about to go public. Please accept that feelings between two people can be more of a motivation than presumptions of power, territory and all the other scene-shit. And please respect those feelings. If you're out tonight do give me a hug.
Edited Thu 17 Dec 09, 6:33 AM by CPeccavi
| 17 Dec 09, 6:35 AM CPeccavi 3 yrs |
I cannot belieeeeeeeeeeve that I've just written that I think everyone should like everybody ..... Andy Warhol | |
| 17 Dec 09, 7:35 AM Amber_Light 3 yrs |
Well, I think you have shown great courage writing this. I can tell it took a lot to put this out. If I had been out and saw you then you would have got a huge hug from me | |
| 17 Dec 09, 7:40 AM StanBWonderful UK(L), 6 yrs  |
*hugs you* | |
| 17 Dec 09, 9:14 AM ElectricLadyLand UK, 4 yrs |
BIG hug for you, take good care.
Ruby xx He looked into My eyes, and I almost died. Then I remembered what I was and half killed him. | |
| 17 Dec 09, 10:57 AM MissP UK(EN), 8 yrs |
Go you! | |
| 17 Dec 09, 11:14 AM jules9 UK(CH), 2 yrs    |
Hugs for now, and will save the rest for tonight!!! Exceedingly brave of you - I genuinely hope that it pays off a million fold - you're an angel, and you honestly deserve true happiness. XxX | |
| 17 Dec 09, 1:18 PM LacednLicked UK(WA), 4 yrs  |
Wish I was going to be there tonight and I would give you a massive hug. xxx | |
| 17 Dec 09, 2:37 PM Toy_Esq UK(L), 8 yrs |
A curly hug is heading your way... x 'A cracked smile and a silent shout' | |
| 17 Dec 09, 4:15 PM CPeccavi 3 yrs |
Wow. Thank you for your posts, the memos and the texts. XXX I think everyone should like everybody ..... Andy Warhol | |
| 17 Dec 09, 4:19 PM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
I love this blog. I love it in a way that words can't do justice because you've said "here I am this is me and what you see isn't necessarily what you get" It's like in Shrek where he talks about how people's feelings are layered like an onion...like the outside layer can be so so so different to the inside layer that people can't see. Such a brave blog to write. So honest. I think the scene and indeed the world would perhaps feel so much easier to live in if people were honest to the point of being childlike. Like we wouldn't have to "read" people and worry that people didn't "get us" because all of our true thoughts and feelings would be out there already. Sidenote to the main theme of your blog is that it can be so so hard to trust people after being let down royally. Massive hugs to you
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice |
It can be the scariest thing to let our barriers down but it is more scary to live with those barriers set firmly in place and never letting anyone in. Good luck with everything and just take things one day at a time x.