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| relaxed1 |
on Sat 12 Dec 09, 4:28 PM to relaxed1's blog.
This isn't a confession, but more of a meandering introspection. The questions are largely rhetorical.
What happens when a dom(me) screws up, especially in an M/s relationship? If the submissive doesn't feel able to say anything at the time (like "ouch, that hurts") and feels that the dom(me)'s actions amount to a breach of the trust that is implicit between them, what hope is there?
Is there any better way of dealing with this - beyond the obvious 'take it easy until you know the person well' - that could prevent the situation becoming terminal?
Does it always have to be terminal, can the submissive accept that the dom(me) is only human, and that errors are a part of human experience, that because everyone is different and experiences pain differently and has a different (and sometimes starkly different) tolerance and experience of and feeling of pain?
Is a dom(me) meant to be flawless, to understand everything that he or she is told by the submissive, even if it is outside his or her frame of reference or experience?
| 12 Dec 09, 4:41 PM JudyInDsGuise UK(E), 9 yrs |
Doms don't have to be perfect, they just have to be perfect for me - part of which includes communication and understanding both ways. If I say "A", and he interprets that as "B", I'll explain that I really did mean "A" - but if he then goes on to assume that when I say "C" I mean "D" I usually see this as a sign of miscommunication that isn't likely to be resolved. judy I must be only one in a million (© David Bowie) | ||
| 12 Dec 09, 6:17 PM x_ele_x UK, 3 yrs |
Ummm I think I will stick with Z means Z its far less complicated!
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| 12 Dec 09, 6:30 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
So A+B= salvageable but C+D=disaster. Having it expressed as an equation makes it seem much more logical to me. If only life and interpersonal relationships could really be managed in such simple terms. It would make mathematicians amongst the most successful people at it. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" | ||
| 12 Dec 09, 6:31 PM kaoskitten 7 yrs |
yes a Dom(me) is meant to be flawless (depending on what book your reading) - reality is - there not. I don't think it has to be 'terminal' but perhaps the onus should be on the submissive to alter, to perhaps not put the Dom(me) on a pedestal but lower it - lets say a bar stool  that way neither will be disappointed when things don't go to plan.
"If I didn't say it, it ain't worth quoting" - me | ||
| 12 Dec 09, 6:34 PM JudyInDsGuise UK(E), 9 yrs |
One misunderstanding means we both need to try harder to communicate - two misunderstandings means one or both of us isn't bothering judy I must be only one in a million (© David Bowie) Edited 12 Dec 09, 6:35 PM by JudyInDsGuise | ||
| 12 Dec 09, 6:41 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
Very sage indeed. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" | ||
| 12 Dec 09, 6:47 PM katie_may UK, 7 yrs |
whats the use finding a Dom/me that didn't screw up from time to time, makes life more interesting if nothing else it really depends on screw up and why personally if someone deliberately screws up then quite frankly they can erm fuck off sometimes screw ups happen from the best of intentions, so what shit happens if subbie isnt talking then dont push too hard, and dont play out any really wild fantasies until subbie is talking how about.... have some mild fun until you know the person well
show me something different xkx | ||
| 12 Dec 09, 6:48 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
That's perhaps a little optimistic, but a nice analogy. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" | ||
| 12 Dec 09, 7:06 PM Iphis_me UK(E), 4 yrs |
Frequent misunderstandings probably mean that your respective approaches to life, ways of thinking etc are so different that you may well not be compatible (whether this is due to lack of effort or any other reason matters not in the final analysis). And to answer the OP - everyone screws up from time to time, it's part of being human. I certainly don't expect a Dom/me to be any different from any other person in that respect - and given I want to have relationships with human beings rather than some mythical domly automaton, it's just part and parcel of having relationships. Whether a screw-up is a deal-breaker or not, well that's a very personal decision. I know - for myself - that I tend to be a "stick at it" kind of person which tends to leave me hanging on in there for perhaps longer than is good for me sometimes. "The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates Edited 12 Dec 09, 7:07 PM by Iphis_me | ||
| 12 Dec 09, 7:21 PM katie_may UK, 7 yrs |
quite frankly what good is the Dom if he can't.... make me fly, sit still, take notice, behave, talk or isn't able to....walk on water, pee Tango, shit bullion and keep me safe show me something different xkx |
