Kinky_Singles_Forum's profile . Kinky_Singles_Forum group posts
 |
| penwiggle |
As a single person, how do you get your kinky needs met? Do you engage in casual play at clubs/parties, or do you wait until you are in a relationship?
I find that casual play with friends, or people I've just met, at a club only goes so far to fulfilling my need for kinky fun. I suppose it is like eating at McDonalds. It fills the immediate need, but doesn't really do the job properly.
I much prefer it when I can play with the same person several times over the course of weeks and months. It is not only easier to relax with the person, but the play is much more intense.
Recently, it seems, the only people I've found to play with are couples. This is fine in so far as it meets my need for play on one level. But it can never fulfil my need for an intimacy. Granted, I do know people who are in a 3-person relationship, and the dynamics of that seem really powerful. It would certainly sort out my issue of liking both men and women. Why settle for one when you can have one of each?
Poly relationships also look interesting. But as I'm struggling to find one person, the thought of finding two or more is daunting.
Bonus question: Would you go, or have you gone, so far as to have a one night stand with a vanilla person when you couldn't find a kinky person to have fun with?
I probably would have a one night stand with a vanilla woman, but not a vanilla man. For me to be sexual with a man, I need him to be in charge and in control, and I need to feel submissive. But with a woman, I enjoy being in control and introducing them to new experiences.
Pen
| 22 Nov 09, 1:29 PM Gabriel_Syme UK(B), 2 yrs  |
As a single person, how do you get your kinky needs met? Do you engage in casual play at clubs/parties, or do you wait until you are in a relationship? I'm active with the Birmingham University fetish society and we have meetings every week, and some play does occur. I also attend fetish clubs whenever I can. However what little experiences I'm getting at the moment only seem to frustrate me, it's like being really hungry and getting a small morsel of food, not enough to sait you but just enough to make you salivate like Pavlov's dog. I suppose it has alot to do with the fact that most of the kinky girls I've met have been mostly sub with a bit of switch, so If I do engage in play it's not for very long and I get the feeling that the female is not enjoying it that much :/. I'm not sure I'm cut out for casual play, I think I need the kind of connection that can only come from a relationship. Bonus question: Would you go, or have you gone, so far as to have a one night stand with a vanilla person when you couldn't find a kinky person to have fun with? I don't know if I'd ever be that desperate. One night stands never appealed to me. Besides I'm not even sure I could even get a one night stand even if I tried :p "BREAK THE SURLY BONDS OF EARTH, AND PUNCH THE FACE OF GOD!" - COURAGE WOLF | ||
| 22 Nov 09, 3:20 PM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs  |
Hi Gabriel, I would've thought you wouldn't have any problem picking up a vanilla girl if you wanted. You're good looking and come across an intelligent. But I know what you mean about being desperate enough. And one night stands don't really float my boat either. It's tough being a male sub. It seems the subs always outnumber the Dom/me's, of either gender, but particularly male subs. Here's a question for everyone. If you were to attempt to put in order the categories with the highest numbers, what order do you think they would be? Here's my thought.
In other words, I think there are more male subs than female subs, more female subs than male Doms, more male Doms than female Dommes, more female Dommes than lesbian Dommes and more lesbian Dommes than gay Doms. Yes, no? I think I'll post this question to IC at large. Pen
You say Ouch like it's a bad word. | ||
| 22 Nov 09, 3:36 PM LadyKayleigh UK(BN), 5 yrs |
Hm, let me comment on another part of your posting first:
I hate one night stands - kinky or vanilla, I hate "one time plays". I do very much prefer regular play with people who I get to know better over time. The play is more intense, it goes deeper. However, I am not in a relationship with them... Back to your first question: I do play at clubs and parties and enjoy it. The sort of play there tends to be more cp though and not emotionally attached. Unless it's a regular sub of mine or I know the sub better, then even public play can go deeper. I also play in private with a few lucky subs. Even that sort of play is different depending on the sub. There are some things I only do with very few people - and some things I haven't done for a long time. I prefer to wait to do them with the right person, rather than doing them with just anyone. Being single doesn't have to be something negative and it doesn't define me. currently organising the @Femdom_Munch | ||
| 22 Nov 09, 4:56 PM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs |
I carried part of this discussion into one of the normal web boards, and it generated some interesting statistics. Look here: http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/255926/ Pen You say Ouch like it's a bad word. | ||
| 30 Nov 09, 6:42 PM penwiggle UK(CB), 5 yrs |
You make some good points - especially, I think, point two about having the freedom and openness to discuss your feelings and desires. For me, life is kinky. I think it's tough finding a partner in the lifestyle. But someone like you, who's life isn't ruled by kink like mine is, then I can see where it would be even tougher. You might find it easier to find someone in the vanilla world, but like you say, that person would then have to be open minded enough, or just kinky enough. Whereas I'm quite sceptical about finding anyone in the vanilla world at all. I will admit, I like extreme play. But I don't like for all of my play to be extreme. The extreme stuff is the icing on the cake. I love the simple things too. In fact, just being tied down and fucked would be pretty amazing right now. I also agree that kink, or the lifestyle, shouldn't be the dominant force in a relationship. To me, the relationship and normal life is very important too. But I also know, a relationship without kink would never work for me. Pen You say Ouch like it's a bad word. | ||
| 30 Nov 09, 8:40 PM BusMaster UK(NG), 9 yrs |
Hi as a single Dom as said before casual play only fuels the need for a partner of some sort, you play with someone and think that there might be some good their but you know that it was only for one time... you do need to connect witht the person your playing with Will you follow me into the Darkness, will you follow me into the Fire | ||
| 1 Dec 09, 7:02 PM curvykitten UK(BA), 7 yrs |
I dont go to clubs on my own, so the answer to that is no, but whilst out of a relationship I used to have a Dom friend or two that i frequented clubs with and would play with them whilst there. I dont do one night stands, either D/s or nilla, and after meeting a Dom in a neutral place etc, if we agreed to go ahead then i would meet at a later date for a trial play, to see if we were compatible in both aspectsd - general likes/attraction and also play - however i found that some of them disappeared after the trial play, plus i also realised that i wouldnt meet a nilla someone on a 2nd date to see if 'ordinary' sex was going to be ok - so for both reasons I am going to wait until they seem truly interested (& likely to stick around) to do any trial playing. I have considered nilla relationships whilst waiting to meet a suitable Dom partner, but i dont like casual relationships, and whilst not 'needing' D/s i would greatly miss it not being there, and would be unfulfilled ultimately. Overall I am sorry that I was introduced to D/s as until then (about 7yrs ago) I was happily 'nilla. V x "Sucia" - Spanish for "Dirty Girl" | ||
| 2 Dec 09, 9:55 AM Purvection UK(M), 8 yrs    |
I'm not playing at all just now. Partly from choice, partly from circumstances. I don't like playing in clubs particularly because I'm not keen on playing in front of others and the club setting doesn't suit how I like to play, although I do very occasionally top in a club if I'm in the mood. The last few arrangements I tried to make with play partners all fell through for various reasons before we got to play, mainly because I don't like being mucked around. Aut disce aut discede. Manet sors tertia caedi | ||
| 3 Dec 09, 6:40 PM Ms_Tytania 6 yrs |
In my case, professional sessions scratch an itch for play, and that's handy. I also play at the occasional club and party. But they are play partners that stay just that, they aren't potential "romantic" partners, and in my case, different form a one night stands (which would include a far more intimate encounter than play). Play chemistry for me isn't necessarily the same as "partner" chemistry. "People are inherently evil, but very, very funny" - Joe Orton. | ||
| 3 Dec 09, 10:11 PM peppermint3105 UK(BA), 2 yrs |
OH, this one is so difficult for me to reply to, as I am at the very start of my journey, but I will try and be honest and tell it how I feel. At this moment, I could not imagine casual play, I am just not experienced enough, or confident enough. Only having been introduced to D/s in the past 6 months, I have only had the one partner, and before that, was in a happy ish, but vanilla to the core, marriage. I guess, at the moment, I am unsure who and how to trust casual partners, as being sub does put you in a very vulnerable position, so to speak!!! I am so hoping, and looking forward to finding someone who can introduce me slowly, and carefully to munches, play parties, and other exciting things. All I can say, is please play safe. Hugs xx |
