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| professional_BDSM |
The million dollar buck question, answered at last!
Do Pro-Dommes enjoy their sessions? This question, asked in many different forms, usually comes from two types of people: potential clients who feel insecure, unattractive, misunderstood (the latter is understandable, when you have sexual tastes that you can't discuss with anyone around you). They fear that you see them for the cash in your pocket and nothing else, that you keep an eye on the clock and can't wait to get home to your Mr Universe boyfriend. Well, some of us are very lucky, but obviously, not all pro-Dommes have a super model for a boyfriend ☺
A client wants, first and foremost, to know that the lady he is seeing isn't judging him, nor thinking that he is a repulsive freak of nature. He also wants to know that she enjoys herself like he does. We do, but it's more often than not, not the same enjoyment that our clients get out form a session. Some find this weird.
It's usually men who see many different PD's only once, who have this fear of being disliked by the lady, and after the session, they need to hide. They think the last PD they saw is now judging them and thinking they are disgusting. It's a sign of guilt. Well, having a good session with someone who never calls again isn't the biggest perk in the job for us, either. And if we are judging your sexual tastes, we are judging ours, too.
If you think about it, the prospect of seeing client after client, whom we find repulsive but we get intimately involved with in disgusting activities, with money as the only attraction, is the stuff of nightmares. Who could last in this job with such attitude?
Other people can't understand what's in BDSM for a Domme, if it isn't sexual. If, after one hour or three of steaming play, she isn't dying to hump her client, it must be because she finds sessioning boring and kink doesn't do it for her.
Humans like to fill in the gaps in knowledge with the worst possible scenario, so many PD clients, or people in the scene who object to the existence of PD's, get to these conclusions (and probably others I forgot):
a. You only do it for the money. b. You find your clients physically repulsive. c. You are submissive in “real life” (whatever this term may mean). d. You despise men and enjoy having one up on them
I've done jobs for cash only, in the past. I became a PD to make a living out of doing something I enjoy and I find challenging, creative and different. Pro-Dommes who enjoy their trade enjoy the endless learning and exploring their own psyches and their clients'; the many different techniques that can have so many different results, in sop many different people. We enjoy creating and atmosphere and weaving ourselves and others into it. Many of our clients are a source of inspiration, learning, and pushing our own boundaries. They become good friends with whom we explore BDSM which, let's face it, is never about the sex. In general, PD's enjoy clients for whom the sexual part is just a perk in a much more complex whole.
Personally, I couldn't make a living if my priority was to session only with men I find sexually attractive and potential “partners”, and neither could any of the other Pro-Dommes I know. However, I enjoy BDSM play at many levels, and not necessarily, not to say, rarely, for sexual reasons.
I enjoy the controlling aspect of BDSM, and that's probably the first reason most Pro-Dommes are going to mention. Being Dominant, it's very pleasurable to know that your subject is in your hands, at your mercy, ready to obey and do anything you ask him to, and not willing to respond or to step out of line. Compared to the more random nature of conventional sexual relations, I welcome this alternative. I also enjoy being the centre of attention and at the top of the pecking order. Given that there is a big bad, ugly real world out there, it's a lovely psychodrama.
I enjoy manipulating a man to my desires, do things to him, see how he wants to suffer in my hands, go through pain, service, humiliation, frustration, even sexual denial, because he wishes to prove his devotion. Not to mention all the implements and techniques I can try on him, like a guinea pig. It's a role reversal. Men are usually stronger than women physically. It's very refreshing, and a real pleasure, to know that you are the strong one, in virtue of your sexual appeal and charm. That's a woman's strength: her sexual allure to make men submit.
Which is, perhaps, what is at the root of this question. Women love being desired, Women are teases. I am, I confess, a consummate cock teaser. In a professional session, I tease my clients with my arts and my status as unreachable. Women, in general, find thin role a real turn on. We love knowing that men around us feel aroused by our presence. This doesn't mean that it's because we want to have sex with those who compliment us, whistle at us, give us a glance full of desire. But I don't know any woman who hasn't regret it when her days of being noticed down the streets are over, or who doesn't enjoy, even if she doesn't confess to it, the attention we sometimes get while walking past a building site. It's a sexual act in itself, this preening, parading to be admired, when we walk down the street. We women find that erotically satisfying, and who better than and admiring sub, slave or slut at your beck and call, to feel adored by? That, and the untouchability, turns some women on. It turns me on.
In session, we experiment something similar: having the ultimate power, the strength that give us being the object of all desire, yet unattainable. For more conventionally sexual services, there are vanilla escorts. They focus on giving and receiving genital pleasure, in pleasing their client genitally. If that's what you are after, you should contact one. Lots of our clients see both, depending on their needs and moods at the time, and that suits me fine. Sexuality is a complex, rich part of the human experience and we shouldn't judge something just because it's not our thing. And certainly, no Pro-Domme who enjoy her craft and understands BDSM, finds her clients weird, repulsive or freaks of nature. Our world may seem against nature to some, but I've always said that nature is overrated.
