Posted by hunny_Beez on Tue 4 May 04, 9:42 PM to hunny_Beez's blog.
A slap across the face is very much associated with domestic violence and i think that is why many shrink back from it.
When Master and i were starting out together, we discussed all aspects of play (as one does). The first time that face slapping was mentioned Master could see the horror in my face and it was Him who chose for that reason to excluded it from our relationship. It is not on my hard limits list, its just not something we do because Master chose not to explore it.
forgive me if i have this wrong kathy, but to me your blog made it imply that you were shocked by the face slap, but accepted it as their play, that is i feel a totally acceptable reaction.
Though i have been in the lifestyle for years and years (yep im old) it is only since i have been with Hive that i have gone to public events. The first time i went to a play party i was a little shocked at how some reacted to being flogged, caned, whipped etc. i have always melted into the pain, become totally relaxed, i give off very little noise. why i expected everyone else to react in the same way i have no idea lol. but i did find it off putting hearing someone screaming when getting caned, and when a male sub sobbed and pleading for it to stop, when being whipped i wanted to stop the scene so i could give him a cuddle. of course these where my gut reactions, my common sense told me that this was their way, and of course that was perfectly acceptable, it was just that the first time i experienced this reaction and i was not ready for it.
i can still find it off putting if a sub is very vocal when they are playing close by, not so much if they are crying out on impulse, the aaahhh and the oohhh or even the ouches, its if the sub is giving it real verbals like "you B"""""d" etc.
Master took me to a play party a few months back and as it was our first time at this venue. and im really shy, Master waited until it quietened down a little in the dungeon. We did play for a long time, (over three hours), i was laying on a large soft thing, which had a drop area for your legs (good at descriptions..NOT) well i was laying face down with my bottom higher than my head my legs dropped and open, giving Master not only my back and my bum nicely raised but also my fanny lettuce (yep thats its name) totally open. (i was wearing a thong, dont do naked in public). Master was able to move around me flogging and caning me from different angles, He used a large heavy leather flogger and a small stingy rubber flogger, as well as all our canes (we have lots) and added a little cropping and paddling He even brought out our large rubber tawes that i hate. Master particularily liked standing at my head and flogging poor fanny lettice from that angle. it was one of the best public sessions we have had. it became very intense and i was totaly unaware of what was going on around me for most of the play.
it was when we were slowing down,that i did start to become aware of a few others still playing. As the dungeon emptied of players the problem was now that those that came in seemed to think it was ok to use it as a social area, i was shocked at experienced lifestyle people sitting on equipment and chatting, there were seperate chill out areas so there was plenty of places to sit and chat.it seemed that because it was only the two of us playing they did not respect our space.
We could have said something, we could have approached a Dungeon Master, but he seemed to be doing the socialising just as much, and for us to do so (when i say us, i mean Master i would not say a thing) it would mean having to break the bond that you build during the play, and by the time it was a nuisance it had already done the damage. We are easy going people, we had had a wonderful play so we simply carried on playing but in a much more light hearted way we even chatted a little to some friends that came in.
dont get me wrong it was a wonderful night a great venue and we are definatly going back.
All i am doing is pointing out that anything that is not expected to happen around you can intrude on your play. i am sure that somethings that Master and i have done in the past has upset or intruded on others, we are all different. Being in a public area means that we are sharing the space with others, we must try to be curtious of others around us, and accept that we are all human and can and do make mistakes or errors in judgement.
Another point i would like to bring up is smoking in play areas, this is a pet hate of mine and i really like clubs that are able to have seperate areas for smoking. but if you do smoke and you are at an event were the dungeon equipment and chill out areas combine and smoking is permitted in all areas, use your common sense. Master and i were at a play party, i was tied to a four way standing up thing (sure it has a real name) another couple were playing next to us and someone came to play opposite me. they only did a few messing about slaps then for some reason decided to lean on the equipment and light up. Master told them in no uncertain terms to move when smoking. they did not seem to understand how much this can affect someone when playing. The other submissive being played with at the time was hooded. i am not anti smoking but i do not want my lungs filled with other peoples smoke while i am playing.
A lighter note on somthing intruding on our play. Master was taking me down to a dungeon at a private party to play, i was in a very happy and sociable mood but as soon as play was mentioned i became calm and inwardly started to prepare. As we walked through to where we were playing i looked up and got a glimpse into what is a medical room where some very good friends of ours were setting up to play. A medical room is sooooo them. Master and i started warming up, then i heard the Master in the medical room laugh. the problem is He has one of the most evil laughs ever. A picture jumped into my mind, His sub tied helplessly to the bed,Him masked up with big thick rubber gloves, her screaming and begging Him to be gentle...all this was in my head as a black and white silent movie. it was no good i started to giggle.
you know what its like when the giggles get hold of you. Master had no idea what had started me off, i tried so hard to compose myself, but it was no good, Master at first was a little annoyed and i got a few hard slaps to try to focus me but it just made me worse, as i kept getting visions now that our scene was a black and white silent movie and the page saying "Oh Master forgive me" had just popped on screen and i was doing the big gooey eyes and shrinking back pose. it was no good all i could do was giggle. Master untied me, He just kept looking at me in total disbelief. thankfully there was no one playing close, and i was giggling as quiet as i could. it was no good even Masters face broke into a smile, my blanket was put around my shoulders and in shame i was taken from the dungeon and sat in a quiet area to calm down. the problem was every time Master tried to ask what was up, and i tried to put it into words it all became so hilarious. eventually i calmed down, eventually i was taken back into the dungeon and eventually we played.
Another little story, can you tell im in a hotel and Master is at work and i have nothing much to do? I know its an idea that mobile phones should all be turned off at parties, but many have children sick relatives and many other reasons to leave their phone on. it may not be an idea but it is understandable. im sure many of you will disagree but i am ok with mobiles, even though i never take mine. ok this story.. Master and i in a dungeon, been playing for some time and now slowing down having cuddles and coming back to the real world. Good friends came quietly into the dungeon set up their equipment very quietly and giving room and respect to others around them the submissive is tied to a cross. then very faintly i hear a mobile. the Master answers, and then holds the phone upto His submissives ear for her to talk. it looked so funny, she was tied and stripped for play and giving instructions to her babysitter. Master cuddled up to me and we both laughed quietly together not wanting them to see that we had been watching. it is one of those unreal moments.
Arent play parties fab. Isnt it great to be with so many friends. Some people say that there is bitchiness at the parties and events or clicquey groups. i have to say i have always been welcomed anywhere i have gone. I have more friends now than i have ever had in my life. i feel i have a network around me that will be there for me forever. yes i have met people i am not keen on, i have even met some i dont like, but that is life, but on the whole i have found that the vast majority of people i have met i have liked. I sometimes feel that groups can appear closed, but find that if you approach them, they are not unwelcoming they are just good friends getting together and enjoying themselves and because they know each other well they interact on a different level. There are some groups that i do not fit into. this is not because i am not welcomed or i dont like these people, it is just that they are different to me.
ok i think that is enough rambling for one day.
now got to wait for Master to come back to the hotel to read this before i post it.
luvs and hugs hunny
Edited Tue 4 May 04, 9:43 PM by hunny_Beez
