Posted by Ms_Tytania on Tue 17 Nov 09, 4:08 PM to Ms_Tytania's blog.
I get a message out of the blue on one of the many 'nilla dating sites out there: "Do you like your toes licked?"
So we engage in a conversation about how wrong it is to approach a woman with an objectifying proposal, and all the rest of it. He's an articulate, intelligent young man. Not my type, but no doubt attractive. He takes my constructive criticism well after I manage to his relax him in his initial defensiveness.
He tells me about his fetish for women's feet, and how some women on this 'nilla site have sent him pics. He's a personable young man, so I can understand that.
He asks me endless questions about my feet, and if I have a foot fetish myself. I reply, and add other observations about submissiveness, fetishes, men and women in the scene, and clubs and stuff.
Lastly, I invite him to try a club like Pedestal, because it's so obvious that he'd enjoy it. He recoils horrified, saying he isn't submissive. Ok...
But then he adds: ... and I am not kinky!
*Sighs!*
You can't help them if they don't want to help themselves, can you?
Pity, some of my girl friends would have been glad to make his acquaintance, and he could been a very lucky boy...
| 17 Nov 09, 4:33 PM Hells_Bells UK(G), 6 yrs  |
You are too nice you know. I wouldn't have even replied to the first message.
Maybe I should next time. Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. ~ Groucho Marx | ||
| 17 Nov 09, 4:34 PM wonderer UK, 5 yrs  |
Interesting. What a shame for him he missed out on some of your girlfriends (and Pedestal too). I imagine I'm not alone in wondering what your views on objectification might be. I wouldn't dream of proposing anatomical intimacies as a conversation starter with a stranger, but I'm not sure I can articulate why other than social conventions. Was it perhaps covered in one of those wonderful threads of a couple of years ago when you and newfavourite and verte and others would dazzle and confuse us with post feminist erudition? Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/ | ||
| 17 Nov 09, 4:44 PM Ms_Tytania 6 yrs |
It's very easy, wonderer: if you want to whisk a woman to the dungeon/sack/down the aisle/haystack/to meet your parents, all you have to do is very simple: be interested in her as a woman, what she thinks, says, likes, dislikes.... or if you are not, pretend that you are. It works. The "service provider" approach doesn't work. @Hells_Bells: the alternative was sitting here writing an article, and on a slow tuesday afternoon, procrastination is king. I'm surprised at how patient I've been, I may even meet him for a coffee and to assure him that we kinky devils are sometimes ok. Oh, and he's pretty, not my type, i repeat, but I won't let him go to waste while I have single, celibate friends!
"People are inherently evil, but very, very funny" - Joe Orton. Edited 17 Nov 09, 4:55 PM by Ms_Tytania | ||
| 17 Nov 09, 5:43 PM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
Well yes, I am generally interested in the whole person; I don't even have to pretend Perhaps it is that "I want" attitude which is unappealing, compared to "what do you want / enjoy". Quite a subtle thing really.
Haystacks - that's a thought Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/ | ||
| 17 Nov 09, 5:57 PM Ms_Tytania 6 yrs |
Personally, I dislike both. "People are inherently evil, but very, very funny" - Joe Orton. | ||
| 17 Nov 09, 5:57 PM moriganna UK, 3 yrs |
It is wrong on an intial approach, people are people first, their sexual preferences may be part of that, but if you're looking for a relationship as opposed to play only, respect for that person as an complete individual is important.
Focusing on one physical aspect of that person implies that you're not really interested in the above .. and in fact so long as the particular criteria is fulfilled the toes, freckled face etc could be attached to anyone. Not an attractive proposition for most people | ||
| 19 Nov 09, 8:37 AM wonderer UK, 5 yrs |
Ah - I intended the "What do you enjoy" question to be very broad ranging - literature, food, travel, art etc etc. And yes there are others aspects - e.g. getting to know a person's history if fascinating too. Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/ |
