FemDom_forum's profile . FemDom_forum group posts
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| Ms_Adventure |
How do you feel your attitude towards your submission has changed from when you were vanilla to where you are now?
Im curious to learn what was it that first encouraged you to take the leap from fantasy into real life BDSM encounters if you have, or what is it that holds you back from making that leap from fantasy into reality?
I would also like to ask has your experiences changed your perceived ideas of how you see your submission, has your submission actually changed direction as you gain more experience, have your experiences of submission been positive ones? Has your view of women changed as you become more experienced, and if so how?
| 14 Nov 09, 2:15 PM Northern_Phoenix UK, 8 yrs |
This is something that I don't think I can really answer so well, mostly because of coming into the BDSM world and identifying as a submissive from a relatively young age. Even before this, I don't think I ever really thought of myself as 'vanilla', but I can't really remember now if it's something I deliberately rejected, or if it's something I just didn't think about.
The first step to 'real life' was prompted by a first online experience going wrong. While my experiences in the real world of BDSM have had their ups and downs, that's because they involved actual people! I guess the one thing that I'd really emphasise is that anyone dipping their toe in the water via online exchanges - it's not without risks, and actually knowing people as friends in person is a good thing!
This is the complicated one! I think the biggest change has been an increase in confidence and a feeling happier with myself in general, but it's hard to pin that down to submissive experiences alone. But in terms of submission, I think the largest benefit of experience is knowing what I feel I can offer, but also now having some idea of the best approach/fit/style of domination/however you'd like to term it to coax it out of me, since it's obviously not going to be a 'one size fits all' thing because of the kind of person I am (and I don't really think it is for anyone, but that's a whole other topic!). It feels like a part of 'who I am' rather than 'something that I do'. In terms of changes though, perhaps down to the lack of recent events, the only thing I can really think of is the desire for 'more'. To be pushed, tested, to have those limits found, since so far I can't remember feeling that close to them, aside from once in the physical sense. Phoenix
When a man loves a woman it should be understood, | |||
| 14 Nov 09, 4:17 PM Jahc99 UK, 5 yrs |
Hmmm. Like phoenix, I started very young, and have never had a vanilla relationship - even when I tried. I'd say the main thing that has changed is going from bottom to sub, over the years, masochism becoming less important. That was as much to do with meeting women more aware of, and capable in, their dominance, than anything else. But as a dom-switch, it also took time to settle the dominant within me, before the submissive could have his time in the sun. Attitude to women changed? Not really, I don't think. Would like to think I have got more understanding with experience. In kink terms, more aware about the negative impact that those men who fetishise the fantasy domme image can have, and that kind of thing. | |||
| 15 Nov 09, 2:38 AM kris_kink UK(SW), 3 yrs  |
I haven't had enough positive experiences to comment on, but
my attitude to submitting changed through a negative experience with a dom. Without going into too much detail, some things happened which I just simply did not like. It really made me think twice about submitting again, but in away convinced me that I was possibly more bottom than sub.
However, I certainly realized that the person who you submit to (or bottom) plays a big part. So in away, I possibly got a positive out of a negative. One of my big fears, to be honest, is losing self worth if I submit. I have had problems in the past with self-esteem, so for me, that is a big worry or hurdle. My experience in BDSM hasn't changed my attitude towards women. I just be myself and treat everyone I meet with respect, whether they are female or male.
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| 15 Nov 09, 9:32 AM aka_kelly UK(YO), 2 yrs |
What set me on the road to being dominated and at the same time changed my attitude to women will be a weblog next time i'm at a pc. It will be posted here and i'm sure some may find slightly disturbing! Though it's not meant to be.
Since i took the step into submission, my only FemDom experiences have been with a ProDomme and they have been fantastic sessions to the point i know my calling. I have subbed to a couple of Doms, and have enjoyed it, but my place is to serve women. Sometimes i'm kelly, sometimes i'm not, sometimes the difference is hard to spot! | |||
| 17 Nov 09, 9:54 PM tom_tom UK(PO), 7 yrs  |
I feel more comfortable with this side of myself, I understand myself much better.
It wasn't any one thing in particular. It was a mixture of gradually feeling more settled and comfortable in my day to day life, along with feeling a bit more self-confident. On a practical level, owning a car helped too.
I discovered I'm more masochistic than I thought I was. When I first started out I didn't think I could take much at all, but now I know that while I'm not "hard-core" I can take a fair amount. I've also discovered that I'm not as submissive as I first thought. I now know that I don't need someone to tell me what to do, although I do (in some circumstances) enjoy that. I think this change had a lot to do with work though - moving from a job where nobody was really trusted to do anything to one where I'm pretty much left to get on with it and have much more real responsibility.
My experiences of submission have been, with very few exceptions, overwhelmingly positive Da Vinci was a well known sexual deviant. You know that sketch of the naked man in the wheel? Blueprints for a rape machine. | |||
| 18 Nov 09, 12:04 AM theskyatnite 2 yrs |
It was maybe 9pm, still some light in the summer sky. Better be getting home. i run for a few minutes, panting, walk to a crawl, run again, out of breath. It takes about thirty minutes. i am almost there. The lights are on in the house, it will be difficult to sneak in.
As i open the front door i put on a brave face. my Mom is waiting for me in the living room, sitting on a wicker chair, my eldest Sister by some nine years is standing by my Mom. Where have you been i shrug just out & about You KNOW I said be home early i know but i just forgot COME HERE i know what is coming, i approach with trepidation. my Mom grabs both my wrists together in front of me, i can see the thick bamboo cane in Her right hand. Swish i sway away as the cane hits the top of my navy shorts. And again. i am going nowhere as my Mom keeps a tight grip on my wrists. Maybe it was five canings maybe seven. my Sister watches impassively in silence. WILL YOU DO IT AGAIN No Mom. i am not whimpering i am not crying. OK. Have you eaten No Mom Come here She pulls me to Her bosom, you know how I worry about you, there are kidnappers everywhere. i know Mom What would happen if I lost you i am silent. my Mom leads me to the bathroom washes me. Brings me gently to the dinner table, feeds me. She has not eaten out of worry. She always waits for me to eat first then She eats. i am sorry Mom I know son. i am eight years. This is my Parents home country where children were often kidnapped for ransom or child labour. Almost thirty years on i have the same needs now as i had then. In these years i have only once found this solace, selfless disciplined loving from one other Person .... & i surrendered from my heart with love.
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| 18 Nov 09, 2:08 PM wayoflife UK, 10 yrs |
I would say it definitely has. I don't think I really understood that what I once presented of myself was a true reflection of my inner feelings and needs. I have however learned to step outside look at myself with new eyes and see just how I was falling short. I can't say it has been easy as the soul searching has at times been painful but necessary. From it all I feel I have changed for the better and continue to do so. I am today far more comfortable about who I am and consequently have more direction in my life. My experiences have therefore been very positive, the big lesson being saying you are submissive is one thing …. showing it is another. I have learnt how to start marrying those two ideas together and it feels good to finally be my true self. My only regret is that it has taken me a while to get there.
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| 19 Nov 09, 10:32 PM concured UK, 2 yrs |
Only have one - good - experience so the sample is small but there you go..
There is a difference with just thinking about it or fantasising. A clear one. I think it is simply because it is real I guess for me it has something to do with purely handing over control and this comes in various forms and shapes. This happens in reality. In fantasy, the scenario is laid out by you and that gives you back some control over it. This might be playing a role and even more so if you are a sub. Also getting your pleasure from the pleasure of the other which I don't think I've felt in vanilla. And it was good. Don't know how decided to join in but this is good fun. Not sure it's control or something else, but it is good fun. Circumstances, thinking about it more and more, didn't have a girlfriend past couple of years, burning desire. Don't know. For one thing, you find out there are some wonderful women out there who actually like this sort of thing too. | |||
| 23 Nov 09, 7:15 PM JustPlainOldKinky UK(DA), 3 yrs |
In the time ive been involved in the bdsm world ive just got more cynical at how the whole thing works..once the fantasy has been lived where else do you go as a submissive ..other than grinding service.
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| 24 Nov 09, 10:14 AM Ms_Adventure UK, 3 yrs |
Yes you do come across as being rather cynical. I think thats more to do with trying to keep the dynamic alive no? I do understand what you are saying in terms of when you have lived the fantasy and then what happens when that isnt available, for what ever reason, what do you do after..... i think that raises a very intresting question in its own right. Maybe you would like to further clarify what has lead to why you are so cynical?
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