This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 8 Nov 09, 9:31 AM polly_uk UK, 7 yrs  |
I agree with Tanos. The very nature of any relationship which involves an exchange of power cannot, by it's very nature, be an equal relationship. I think one of the mistakes often made is to try and make blanket statments regarding words like "equality" and "superiority" without understanding the connotations might possibly be different in power exchange and ownership relationships, or through lack of understanding deny that there are people, myself included, for whom it is a valued state to be both unequal and inferior Polly
"Indifference to me, is the epitome of evil. Be a sound not an echo" | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 9:37 AM thegildedlili AU, 3 yrs |
What would you call it then?
"Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater." ~Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 9:41 AM shit_sub UK(W), 5 yrs  |
perhaps a different way to put it would be a balanced dynamic. so two or more people with unequal status, but with an equivalent flow of care, attention and consideration up the chain and down it. obviously expressed in very different ways though. would that make sense? antinomy aka psycheee Edited 8 Nov 09, 9:43 AM by shit_sub | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 9:42 AM shit_sub UK(W), 5 yrs |
vanilla?
antinomy aka psycheee | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 10:09 AM polly_uk UK, 7 yrs |
[[/quote] perhaps a different way to put it would be a balanced dynamic. so two or more people with unequal status, but with an equivalent flow of care, attention and consideration up the chain and down it. obviously expressed in very different ways though. would that make sense? [/quote]
Yes i think it would Realistically no one is likely to stay in any relationship which makes them feel unhappy, uncared for and not considered ( although i am not saying that is not possible)
"Indifference to me, is the epitome of evil. Be a sound not an echo" | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 10:27 AM hollythedolly UK(NN), 2 yrs  |
I agree with there has to be a power imbalance but does a sub have to shut up and put up if a dom has gone royally wrong. Just to throw a little question when does it turn from D/s to abuse? I want to be able to respect my dom and i want him to feel proud of me but what happens when the dom inquestion does something that has overstepped the boundaries? Do you just simper or do you tell your dom why you are unhappy? | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 10:28 AM tazallie UK, 2 yrs |
I agree it makes sense to view it as a balance, whether you view that balance as equal or unequal is a subjective choice for the individuals involved.
(I would,being of the viewpoint of equality, change your comment slightly by omiting 'with unequal status, but ' that statement then possibly works for all. ) [/quote] Tazallie | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 10:42 AM shit_sub UK(W), 5 yrs |
lol i was thinking more about 'equivalent'. maybe it's something a bit like finding equilibrium between a 5g weight and a 10g weight by putting them at different distances from a fulcrum. the outcome is balanced, but the elements that make it are not. anyway, it just occurred to me. probably needs some fine tuning as a metaphor! check out www.thenewtopical.com! Edited 8 Nov 09, 10:45 AM by shit_sub | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 12:25 PM Degenerate  UK(M), 5 yrs   |
When dominants mess up... I can't comment on what happens when other dominants mess up - they are the best judge of what's appropriate for them and their relationship/s. When I mess up.. I deal with it however I see fit.. however I think is necessary. I work out what to do and put it right. I take entire responsibility for it (which may or may not include an apology - apologies in my book are cheap, it's correction which matters). I try to not to do it again (correct myself).. which involves being mindful, disciplined, thoughtful. I do this by myself with no support or guidance - my submissive doesn't need to and has no right to involve in that process and is certainly not in a position to oblige me of anything. When my submissive messes up, I also take some responsibility, work out what to do so it can be put right and support and guide my partner to be corrected and to be mindful, disciplined, thoughtful - it is not so much my right as an obligation I put upon myself. I am the only person who gets to oblige me of anything and I reserve the right to select and update that however I wish. I probably have higher standards for myself than I would ever expect from anyone else. Where possible I do not mess up. We have equality in this relationship in the sense that we both wish and strive to have our needs met equally. To get that equality, we need inequality in the power dynamic. We have an actual power imbalance in this relationship, which is quite different to role playing D/s. De
Sign up to CAAN's statement www.caan.org.uk Edited 8 Nov 09, 12:45 PM by Degenerate | |||||
| 8 Nov 09, 12:30 PM AstronautMikeDexter UK(E), 2 yrs |
Do we? Oh --- Ha! |
. Sorry but sometimes the law graduate in me wins!
