This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| 7 Nov 09, 4:18 PM rebel_angel UK(RM), 3 yrs    |
In previous relationships I have tried to talk things through, say where I felt my Dom(me) was going wrong and make sure they correct themselves next time, however if I find they are repeating the same mistakes then I leave them, as they are just proving they won't listen and learn.
I'm lucky now-a-days, as my Dom is also a switch so if he does something wrong we talk it through, and correct it, however if he does something wrong that was easy to do or understand then spanking is in order!
Understanding for me is better and correction is the best thing my Dom can do. Which he does very well Life is a game, it just depends how you play it. | |||
| 7 Nov 09, 4:23 PM tazallie UK, 2 yrs  |
personally I'd have said that everything that affects the sub is indeed their business. What will happen to the trust that is vital to any D/s M/s relationship if the sub recognises that a mistake has been made and they are told it's none of their business? For me that would erode the trust I place in them. It would say that I don't matter, that I am less than the dominant. An abject appology is not needed... But some kind of ackowledgwment goes a long way to reinforcing trust.
Tazallie | |||
| 7 Nov 09, 4:58 PM DaddysTouch UK(RG), 3 yrs |
Say sorry, promise to do better in the future for her, and, if appropriate, make it up to her somehow. Make her dinner, take her out, get her a little something etc. i.e. probably just how vanilla folk deal with screwing up! What men in all the world have shown such daring? | |||
| 7 Nov 09, 5:06 PM jules9 UK(CH), 2 yrs    |
I agree with so many of your points here. In a relationship, my Dom doesn't *have* to apologise for anything, but if he isn't the type of man who can take responsisbility for his actions, acknowledge his mistakes and put right things he has done wrong, then he isn't likely to be the type of man I'd even consider as my Dominant. That said, there's a difference between doing something wrong, and doing something wrong *to* me. XxX | |||
| 7 Nov 09, 5:49 PM socair UK, 6 yrs |
It is interesting how we all view things differently.
That's the kind of thing I find a tiny bit manipulative, as if saying sorry and forgiveness are bargaining tools to be used with each other. This isn't to suggest you are manipulative though What's more important than the actual apology is his ability to recognise his mistakes and prevent them from happening again and again and again. "Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself". | |||
| 7 Nov 09, 5:52 PM ClassAct2005 UK(N), 7 yrs |
If you are confidence in your dominance over someone I don't think it matters if you say you're sorry if you get things wrong. I don't expect someone to be perfect (despite my posts on don't like fat men, don't like very low IQ men threads)... even fit clever men get things wrong. But I certainly don't like to make a meal of it, don't particularly like someone to be subjugating himself at my feet which would feel all wrong. | |||
| 7 Nov 09, 6:31 PM Tanos  UK(M), 14 yrs   |
This is usually easier with a concrete example to discuss: A dom and sub have a relationship where the sub's time is the dom's to do with as he wishes. The dom is driving the pair of them somewhere. The dom takes a wrong turn, realising only later and turning a three hour journey into a four hour one. When the dom realises, what does he do? Good vanilla manners are for the driver to admit the mistake and apologise to the passenger for wasting an hour of their life. In those BDSM relationships where time doesn't belong to the dominant, that seems a reasonable expectation too. However, that's not the set up of this example. In my view, given that the sub's time is the dom's to do with as he wishes, she is not entitled to an apology or an explanation. Entitlement is another way of saying whether it's her business or not - and it's not. Whether she does ask if it was a mistake or not, it's undignified for the dominant to try to cover the mistake up, but that's a different issue to whether an explanation or anything resembling a running commentary of things that affect the sub is due. The dom in this scenario may choose to do something which makes it clear he's not frightened to acknowledge the mistake as his, especially early in a relationship, but that's either a strategic decision for building trust, or a tactical choice as part of keeping the sub aware of what the schedule is. Either way, that's still for the dominant in the example.
Which is fine for you, but other submissives do seek out relationships which are unequal and where the whole point is that the dominant's "stuff" is more important than the submissive's. Regards, Tanos www.tanos.org.uk Edited 7 Nov 09, 6:36 PM by Tanos | |||
| 7 Nov 09, 6:39 PM Ariane 7 yrs |
A switch! Burn him!
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| 7 Nov 09, 6:41 PM Tanos UK(M), 14 yrs |
Yes, but this is a bit like the discussion about superiority in the O&P group at the moment too: we mustn't be so worried about avoiding the games and "B/s" of the clueless fake doms that try to lie their way out of their mistakes that we tolerate feelings of false entitlement about this.
What entitlements are false is different in different relationships of course Regards, Tanos www.tanos.org.uk Edited 7 Nov 09, 6:45 PM by Tanos | |||
| 7 Nov 09, 6:44 PM Jahc99 UK, 5 yrs |
Just maybe a slap for being crap at map reading? |
