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| 26 Oct 09, 12:43 PM PlayerOfGames UK(E), 5 yrs   |
Most amusingly the procedure she says she goes through on *any* date with a man is precisely the same advice that I have seen recommended for any BDSM date with a new partner. Most Dom(me)s are perfectly nice people but there is the *possibility* that they aren't. There is the possibility that they may not care about consent and genuinely want to tie up and rape their date partner. I have seen it recommended that you leave your bdsm date's details somewhere it will be found if you don't come home. I have seen it recommended that you ask a friend to call you afterwards with some kind of codeword to say that you are away and everything went fine. The recommendation is to treat a new Dom(me) as a potential rapist whether you expect it of him/her or not Basically the writer was saying that she treats all men in the same way. They *might* be a rapist. The possibility is small, but for her it is a significant risk. (PS I have worded the above as if it is the Top who might be at fault, but I guess that sometimes the Bottom may be crazy, or criminal, or both). | |
| 26 Oct 09, 1:40 PM Liefsome UK(S), 3 yrs   |
Did anyone make it through the comments after the blog? There were some interesting ones in there. I think for men it's worth knowing that women do have this risk-assessment going on. It's not necessarily fear and paranoia. I really get what the feelings it's going on about. While I don't feel so much the danger of rape, I do feel the threat of violence from random strangers, or even just the threat of plain offensiveness. We all operate to a certain extent like this anyway. We lock our cars and homes up, don't take the dark alleys at night past gangs of chavs, and all that. To assume there's no danger at all is just reckless though, and to berate a woman for taking steps to protect herself is just wrong. I'm still trying to work out what I think and feel on the subject though. ~Lilith~ | |
| 26 Oct 09, 3:26 PM Aumentou UK(S), 2 yrs |
True. I took a three-hundred yard diversion the other night to avoid a group of teenagers. The closet's cosy and all, but outside there's room to move. | |
| 26 Oct 09, 9:32 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
There are lies, damned lies, and statistics. Now I am in no way condoning or minimising the damage caused by rape. I know many women who have been raped or sexually assaulted, and have myself been sexually assaulted. But it's important to keep a sense of perspective before you regard every man (or woman) that you encounter as a potential rapist. If you are to accept the statistics she presents, one in six (American) women is sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Assuming that each woman in sexually assaulted on one occasion in her life, that means in an 80 year life, women are not assaulted on somewhere in excess of 29,000 days, or on average, 'only' once in every 175,000 days (or 480 years) can any woman 'expect' to be assaulted. If any of us wish to live our lives in constant fear of being sexually assaulted, that is our prerogative, but at the same time we owe it to ourselves to make an informed decision, not to pander to the well-meant but frankly misunderstood and misused statistics which make for eye-catching headlines and contribute to our fearful society.
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" |
