The first thing you look for... (59)

How much importance do you put on what they have to offer you?

Do you first want to click with someone and see how the D/s element evolves with you both as a unit?

Is the most important thing that they fit into the role of what you are seeking?

This is not about what atracts you in a person, more about the priorities you use when first aproaching, getting to know someone.

Senno Ekto Gamat

This.

I find most D/s dynamics are organic, being forced into a position just won't work for me. People are too complicated for that, you get to know people and then you see how you fit in their life. Preconceptions is what causes drama and disappointment.

As the relationship develops then so does the dynamic. Things that I may say before would never interest me, things that I shy away from can become natural parts of relationships over time, the more you get to know people.

I have never had a list of activities I need to do. My relationship requirements are pretty simple, I have to get on with them, want to be around them. Everything else is just gravy.

As twue as words spoken under interrogation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhKU-tmSQR8

And yes..I found my perfect Master...we have been married 2 years on 10th nov

to those that understand, no explaination is needed, to those that dont understand, no explaination is possible

I'm sure that you will have noticed however that people who seemed to have rigid requirements can end up happy with someone totally different and who they themselves would never have thought would be someone they would click with till they met.

Yes there are some absolutes. And there are some very strong preferences that influence the kind of person you like.

I need someone to be fit enough to engage in the kind of thing, especially the kind of bondage I like. If you can't do what you want to do together then it's a bit of a show stopper.

I have a great preference for bright and cheerful outgoing personalities, intelligence, humour and a sense of fun.

But as I say, saying these are absolute rules wont help.

Lovely sunshine girl
Bound now with tender loving
Held in earnest joy

1. Demeanor 2. Shared interests 3. Chemistry (either friendly or sexual or both)

For people who *I approach* there is a specific demeanor that engages me. Certainly getting to know someone is important for anything lasting to form, and a fun process when you like what you learn!

Perfect behavio(u)r is born of complete indifference.

Also an important aspect is in the mind, a mutual level where a Dom can understand what buttons to press by having actually listened to what flicks my kink switches instead of just going hell for leather on the wrong tangent.

It's the oveall 'balance' I look for in kink play. If his likes and style suit mine, and vice versa. I couldn't submit to someone I have nothing in common with.

I met my play-partner at a play-party. I was vaguely "on reception" in my "play" clothes (leather skirt etc, so not exactly average guy style)

She arrived. Had a lovely smile, immediately clicked. No idea why. I'm married ('nilla), she's lesbian. About ten minutes later she was chained to a cross and I was flogging her.

We share a sense of humour, have our own mutually agreed ground-rules, and love to play. We trust each other. We are friends.

Similar "nilla" interests, but without having similar kinky interests as well it doesn't go much further than friendship (so far...)

I've been finding that if I can really get talking to someone, about any particular thing I can get interested in them and if they're kinkily/sexually attractive too then I can get really interested in them.

The specifics of what I'm looking for are probably best left for my profile, but I describe myself as kinky, girly and geeky, and I want someone who can engage all three of those. There are different kinds of kinkiness, girliness and geekiness, so even though someone else might use the same words to describe themselves it doesn't necessarily mean I'll get along with them.

There are attitudes and personalities to consider too and that starts to make my head hurt to consider...

What takes priority over all? The one attribute that stands out most? I know there are attributes that immediately make someone a 'no-go'. I'd probably go with being able to really talk to someone, about anything and everything!

~Lilith~
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Then it depends on how much we have in common outside kink - I'm quite picky and if I don't have anything to talk about with someone there's no point in taking it any further.

My interests in kink are pretty broad, so usually there's bound to be something that they can offer to me that I'm interested in. Pain sluts though will always catch my attention ...

------ I'd rather be poor and creative than rich and boring (Patrick Wolf)

Edited 25 Oct 09, 2:34 PM by Sinmara

But if they are vanilla (and occasionally I try vanilla dating and it's hopeless) it's never going to work however many other boxes they might tick which is a great shame as there are lots of good suitable vanilla men around.