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| Miss_Hardy |
*First off you'll have to excuse me, it's late and I'm not very good at typing out my thoughts. This was all better put together in my head*
This subject has probably been done to death but after a conversation with a friend I was wondering, do people settle?
By that I mean are people on the 'scene' or those seeking a bdsm relationship more inclined to loosen/lower their standards than they would in a nilla relationship?
I know not everyone has a type but would you be willing to overlook certain things just to get your kinky fix? Would distance no longer be as much of a barrier?, smarts? age?, looks? interests/hobbies?
I personally am as picky when it comes to finding a kinky partner as I am when it comes to nilla dating. I couldn't date someone who I couldn't take to a gig just because he quite liked being buggered with a strap on.
Also I've noticed some people state things such as 'am mainly sub and am looking for a domme but have been known to top others if it is just for play'. Now I know people can and do switch but I'm wondering if some people will play at a role until something better comes along. This also goes for 'won't date anyone over 30 but am not so fussy when it comes to play'
Personally I'd hate to think someone was just making do with me but on the other hand I can see why some people, especially younger bdsmers do this sort of thing. Dating is hard, especially when you have to factor in your kinkiness.
Anyway I'm going to stop rambling.
*May edit or delete this at any time if I decide it doesn't make sense in the morning*
| 21 Oct 09, 12:13 AM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs  |
I dunno if I am more likely to settle, I do think that since 'finding' the scene I have been more willing to overlook things, like you mentioned age, distance and appearance seem to be big ones. There are problems with that, lots actually, but I kinda think that I am more fulfilled over all now than I was when dating people near to me around my age and conventionally beautiful, so it isn't much of a price to pay. I also think the internet has made those things less important in dating generally, you are more able to connect with people further away and age/looks are irrelevant on a website. As twue as words spoken under interrogation. | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 12:16 AM PrinceCaspian UK(SE), 6 yrs |
I think it's true some people do "settle" but less than might be expected. (although you could just see this as the same thing as a guy settling for a stupid girl who's very hot) Clicking in a kinky sense is something that for me will happen along with clicking generally so I wouldn't be with someone I didn't work with period. I don't and have never felt I was ever settling on the scene.
Intelligence, Beauty, Sense of humour, Kindness and Empathy, Maturity, Sex Drive I couldn't sacrifice one of these for the rest. "Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious." Oscar Wilde Edited 21 Oct 09, 12:21 AM by PrinceCaspian | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 12:16 AM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
based on your contributions to IC, I am very sure that you have a good head on your shoulders and know yourself very well...therefore, I'd imagine that you have a good instinct for telling if you think you'll be compatible with someone. (i may be wrong through not knowing you in real life so i apologise if so). ultimately, I could only ever realistically see being in a bdsm based relationship. thus it is simply not an option to try turning nilla and putting my strong needs aside. i still have faith though that in the future these things won't stop me settling. It *is* a small pool if you ID beyond hetero and/or nilla but I know enough people who have been in LTRs for long enough that all I can have is faith as i'm not prepared to settle for either less bdsm or less of a nilla connection than i desire along with that.
hope that helps a bit
Laura
ETA: I am much more attracted to older people anyways so the scene is potentially a bonus in that respect and I've never seen an ugly person (on the outside) in my life so that bares no relevance regarding bdsm anyways It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice Edited 21 Oct 09, 12:21 AM by totallycoverme | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 12:20 AM Miss_Hardy UK(E), 5 yrs  |
I'd like to point out that none of my blog is about me. I've not settled. Had I met @johnny_moderation and he'd not been into kink, I'd still be with him. "Have people always been this angry? I've got this really funny idea that before the internet people would just write FUCK YOU! and attach it to pigeons" - Russell Howard Edited 21 Oct 09, 12:21 AM by Miss_Hardy | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 12:21 AM Goldilocks UK(SE), 4 yrs |
I think there is some definite truth in your post for some people. There are people (kinky and not) who are more likely to settle for a whole load of reasons. And on the flip side, there are people who won't. I'd like to think I'm in the latter. Late-night ramblings are a good thing, by the way, and you got quite a bit of cool stuff across in your post. <3 Your power, our pleasure, my pain <3 | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 12:22 AM totallycoverme UK(M), 4 yrs |
eek! sorry bout that It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 12:23 AM PrinceCaspian UK(SE), 6 yrs |
"Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious." Oscar Wilde | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 12:23 AM Miss_Hardy UK(E), 5 yrs |
No problem, just wanted to clear up any confussion "Have people always been this angry? I've got this really funny idea that before the internet people would just write FUCK YOU! and attach it to pigeons" - Russell Howard | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 12:54 AM little_belle UK(E), 3 yrs  |
I became a little less fussy as I emerged onto the scene. I was never hugely picky as I don't have a specific 'type'. I became more open minded for positive reasons (I'd had a good experience with someone who was outside my original age-bracket for example) but I wouldn't have said I settled as I didn't change my criteria for lack of partners. I think people settle to an extent, I'm not sure how much more than in vanilla terms. I would guess on the location front, people are much more likely to rethink their requirements due to the practical factor of there not being as many compatible kinksters in any given areas as there are vanilla folk. As for the rest - I think vanilla people compromise too, but perhaps BDSMers are more aware that this might be needed. Hopefully this is along the lines of overlooking an incompatibility because you're otherwise crazy about them rather than dating someone that you are always going to secretly think of as 'below you' because you think it's the best option for you. *shrugs*
Hewwo! I make nylon whips. Take a peek at my profile if you'd like to buy one. | |||
| 21 Oct 09, 7:29 AM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs |
I don't think anybody would lower their standards for a long-term relationship, although possibly for casual play. In the end. if you are contemplating ultimately being with someone 24/7, you still need the same 'buzz' from the relationship that you would feel in a vanilla setting. It is entirely possible, as in a vanilla setting, that once you open your mind you will consider involvement with someone that you might otherwise not, but in the end, you still have to spend the bulk of your time with them in a vanilla 'state'. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" |
, Personal Compatibility and Kinky Compatibility
