26 Oct 09, 7:24 PM
LousyReputation
3 yrs |
I asked this question some time ago. I am of the opinion that it would be in some ways be easier finding someone on the scene (ie not having to confess and run the risk of rejection) but why restrict yourself by only looking in one or the other? "Social order at the expense of liberty is hardly a bargain."
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26 Oct 09, 8:45 PM
Cleric
UK(M), 11 yrs
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the_unsub wrote:
Traumata wrote:
the_unsub wrote:
Although corrupting vanillas may be easier for some than for others as some gender/interest combinations are very rare. An example being dominant women are hard to find (male subs like me end up having a very difficult time there)
Can anyone say from experience which group has the hardest time?
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I can appreciate The Male Sub's Plight, but at the same time as a young woman who has a desire to be hurt, I can assure you that not many men I know would be willing to come forward and be counted as the ones for the job!
Despite my earlier post, which is in my experience much more the exception than the rule, I think female submissives can have it pretty hard too.
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It certainly makes me wonder if the apparent lack of male doms is due to guys being averse to the idea (I get the feeling this is not likely, unlike the problem of now many women desiring to be dominant) or if it is because perhaps guys of my generation have almost been conditioned.
If you consider the successes of the feminist movement over the years, the idea of treating woman as equals (which is certainly important in the grand scheme of things, there are clearly equality issues which need resolving). As a result perhaps guys who wish to be dominant attempt to hide it out of fear of been perceived as chauvinist?
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On the other hand there are guys who come to the scene who are chauvinists and think saying they are dom makes it OK. And for any male dom there is the risk of being pre-judged as one of these - both on the scene and in vanilla land. It also contributes to the lack of male doms around as well.Eeeee, I remember when this website were nowt but fields...
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26 Oct 09, 9:24 PM
Jackson_Rocco
UK(BN), 3 yrs
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subRaphy wrote:
Searching, on Scene or Vanilla land?
Hi Everybody,
[I'm pretty sure than my question was already asked before but I cannot find the good topic.]
Some people told me, it's so difficult for a sub to find a Dominatrix on the scene, than it's better to look for a girlfriend in the Vanilla land and then try to bring her on the scene.
What do you think?
Raphy
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It happens how it happens, its your path. I've met pro-dommes - where there was a real connection. The trouble is, they tend to want to keep their clients as well.
Persuading takes time and patience and you're best laying it open and staying confident in what you want and why its so magical. Then be prepared for them to walk away, as you can't force these things to happen.
You're also best off in clubs and on here and in circles (munches) where dommy women are likely to be. And if you see a more than likely candidate in the street (by that I mean she wears domme styling, don't be afraid to approach her politely and ask for a mutually beneficial coffee date.
One final thing, consider going switch, as understanding the domme perspective can really improve your subbing and the chances of finding your soulmate.
Thats how it happens for me.
Good luck
twitter.com/JacksonRocco
myspace.com/rubberesque
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26 Oct 09, 10:06 PM
subRaphy
UK(NW), 3 yrs
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Miss_Despotic wrote:
Traumata wrote:
Despite my earlier post, which is in my experience much more the exception than the rule, I think female submissives can have it pretty hard too.
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Absolutely. I wasted a lot of time in my younger years dating men who looked menacing or had a reputation of being something of a psychopath and having my high hopes dashed as they uttered the words 'But why would I want to slap you? You're so pretty'
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Oh, Come on girls!
How can you compare your situation with the situation of a submale!!?
Even if it's hard for you to find a dominant male, you can find a "vanilla" one whenever you want. You don't have to struggle for find a boyfriend.
You don't have to struggle as well for find any kind of partner: On every profiles of the both genders of every websites it's always:
- Looking for man or woman.
or
- Looking for woman for play with a couple.
or
- Looking for woman (sorry no man, I have already mine it's enough)
or
- Looking for woman ONLY (please guy, stop memo me!!!)
Who here can testify, he/she saw one day on a kinky or naughty website(I mean no gay) something like:
- Looking for man ONLY!!! (Please no girl!)
?????????????
Our society is like that, it's more easy for a girl to find someone than for a guy!
Girls! Did you already go in an evening: vanilla party, fetish club, whatever, and you never was approach by a guy?
Do you know how it feel when every one try to avoid you?
What do you know about loneliness??
What do you know about to have 28yrs old, and never got anyone in your life???
Ah yes, I forgot, you cannot know because you have 24(Traumata) and 25(Miss_Despotic)yrs old, at least in your profile. 24/25 and you already got several relationships, but you still come here for complain than it's difficult to be a sub girl.
To be a submale is the worst thing which happened in my life. I missed my professional and(of course) personal life because of this.
Today my life is shit!!! And it's very painful, but not in the good sense, when someone who got everything come to you and complain because she didn't get it enough faster again. |
26 Oct 09, 10:48 PM
the_unsub
2 yrs |
subRaphy wrote:
To be a submale is the worst thing which happened in my life. I missed my professional and(of course) personal life because of this.
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A lot of the time I agree, problem is that being subs is not something we can change.
Well, time to get the thread back on topic - this tangent is too depressing.
It can be difficult to find partners in the scene but there is always the possibility that a vanilla girlfriend may become interested.
What would be the best way to go about this? Are there any recommended methods of introduction? Or are there any "tells" that might indicate that a girl may be inclined to be dominant?
(Of course my vanilla dating skills are appalling anyway. Oh well, c'est la vie!) Life's a journey, you can meet some interesting people along the way.
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27 Oct 09, 7:54 AM
Miss_Despotic
UK(M), 5 yrs
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subRaphy wrote:
Our society is like that, it's more easy for a girl to find someone than for a guy!
Girls! Did you already go in an evening: vanilla party, fetish club, whatever, and you never was approach by a guy?
Do you know how it feel when every one try to avoid you?
What do you know about loneliness??
What do you know about to have 28yrs old, and never got anyone in your life???
Ah yes, I forgot, you cannot know because you have 24(Traumata) and 25(Miss_Despotic)yrs old, at least in your profile. 24/25 and you already got several relationships, but you still come here for complain than it's difficult to be a sub girl.
To be a submale is the worst thing which happened in my life. I missed my professional and(of course) personal life because of this.
Today my life is shit!!! And it's very painful, but not in the good sense, when someone who got everything come to you and complain because she didn't get it enough faster again.
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A lot of what you've said is completely incorrect, but I think the most important point here is that wallowing in self pity is rarely an attractive quality.
You're a good looking man, but this attitude defeatist, woe is me attitude may well me putting a lot of women off |
27 Oct 09, 7:58 AM
Miss_Hardy
UK(E), 5 yrs
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Miss_Despotic wrote:
subRaphy wrote:
Our society is like that, it's more easy for a girl to find someone than for a guy!
Girls! Did you already go in an evening: vanilla party, fetish club, whatever, and you never was approach by a guy?
Do you know how it feel when every one try to avoid you?
What do you know about loneliness??
What do you know about to have 28yrs old, and never got anyone in your life???
Ah yes, I forgot, you cannot know because you have 24(Traumata) and 25(Miss_Despotic)yrs old, at least in your profile. 24/25 and you already got several relationships, but you still come here for complain than it's difficult to be a sub girl.
To be a submale is the worst thing which happened in my life. I missed my professional and(of course) personal life because of this.
Today my life is shit!!! And it's very painful, but not in the good sense, when someone who got everything come to you and complain because she didn't get it enough faster again.
|
A lot of what you've said is completely incorrect, but I think the most important point here is that wallowing in self pity is rarely an attractive quality.
You're a good looking man, but this attitude defeatist, woe is me attitude may well me putting a lot of women off
|
Totally, BAWWWWWWWING is a huge turn off. I can't even be bothered to address the rest of what he has said at this time in the morning. "Have people always been this angry? I've got this really funny idea that before the internet people would just write FUCK YOU! and attach it to pigeons" - Russell Howard
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27 Oct 09, 8:53 AM
De_Luxe
UK, 5 yrs
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the_unsub wrote:
Traumata wrote:
the_unsub wrote:
Although corrupting vanillas may be easier for some than for others as some gender/interest combinations are very rare. An example being dominant women are hard to find (male subs like me end up having a very difficult time there)
Can anyone say from experience which group has the hardest time?
|
I can appreciate The Male Sub's Plight, but at the same time as a young woman who has a desire to be hurt, I can assure you that not many men I know would be willing to come forward and be counted as the ones for the job!
Despite my earlier post, which is in my experience much more the exception than the rule, I think female submissives can have it pretty hard too.
|
It certainly makes me wonder if the apparent lack of male doms is due to guys being averse to the idea (I get the feeling this is not likely, unlike the problem of now many women desiring to be dominant) or if it is because perhaps guys of my generation have almost been conditioned.
If you consider the successes of the feminist movement over the years, the idea of treating woman as equals (which is certainly important in the grand scheme of things, there are clearly equality issues which need resolving). As a result perhaps guys who wish to be dominant attempt to hide it out of fear of been perceived as chauvinist?
|
And perhaps women hide it from a distaste of being thought - I don't know what - too dominant! |
27 Oct 09, 10:55 AM
the_unsub
2 yrs |
Miss_Elainius wrote:
And perhaps women hide it from a distaste of being thought - I don't know what - too dominant!
|
But that appears to be the problem that doms and subs, men and women alike have. It's something that people feel ashamed of.
Women are afraid of seeming too dominant
Men are afraid because it's something wer're not supposed to think, or do. "you male chauvinist pig!"
Women area afraid that they will seem less liberated, that they are betraying something that generations before fought for.
Men are afraid of not seeming like "real men"
Here I have only mentioned the difficulties I can see with straight people in the lifestyle. How much more difficult is it for gay/lesbian/transgendered etc people to find what they are looking for? Life's a journey, you can meet some interesting people along the way.
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27 Oct 09, 8:32 PM
mis_chief
UK(N), 3 yrs
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subRaphy wrote:
Miss_Despotic wrote:
Traumata wrote:
Despite my earlier post, which is in my experience much more the exception than the rule, I think female submissives can have it pretty hard too.
|
Absolutely. I wasted a lot of time in my younger years dating men who looked menacing or had a reputation of being something of a psychopath and having my high hopes dashed as they uttered the words 'But why would I want to slap you? You're so pretty'
|
Oh, Come on girls!
How can you compare your situation with the situation of a submale!!?
Even if it's hard for you to find a dominant male, you can find a "vanilla" one whenever you want. You don't have to struggle for find a boyfriend.
You don't have to struggle as well for find any kind of partner: On every profiles of the both genders of every websites it's always:
- Looking for man or woman.
or
- Looking for woman for play with a couple.
or
- Looking for woman (sorry no man, I have already mine it's enough)
or
- Looking for woman ONLY (please guy, stop memo me!!!)
Who here can testify, he/she saw one day on a kinky or naughty website(I mean no gay) something like:
- Looking for man ONLY!!! (Please no girl!)
?????????????
Our society is like that, it's more easy for a girl to find someone than for a guy!
Girls! Did you already go in an evening: vanilla party, fetish club, whatever, and you never was approach by a guy?
Do you know how it feel when every one try to avoid you?
What do you know about loneliness??
What do you know about to have 28yrs old, and never got anyone in your life???
Ah yes, I forgot, you cannot know because you have 24(Traumata) and 25(Miss_Despotic)yrs old, at least in your profile. 24/25 and you already got several relationships, but you still come here for complain than it's difficult to be a sub girl.
To be a submale is the worst thing which happened in my life. I missed my professional and(of course) personal life because of this.
Today my life is shit!!! And it's very painful, but not in the good sense, when someone who got everything come to you and complain because she didn't get it enough faster again.
|
Right, I met you on Saturday.
This here really won't help you finding someone, I mean complaining and going on about how easy it is for us girls, it's not. But improving your english would, sorry to say that, I am a foreigner myself, but I thought it was pretty hard to chat to you. And knowing that you are not at the munch to make friends, but because you want a Mistress doesn't make it any better.
You should seriously overthink your attitude here, I am pretty disappointed to read you seriously believe us girls have it easier. Maybe easier getting a date with a psychopath!
kinky drinkies
and one of my favourite poems Fire and Ice by Robert Frost
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