Comments re Looking for a PD - Tips and Thoughts (21)

That aside, however, I think m'learned friend makes some excellent points, as usual. The Internet really has revolutionised the commercial scene and the choice for clients is far wider. As well as the cards in newsagents' windows and the pot luck involved with that route to which @lisal refers, there were also contact mags for those who wanted to get an idea of who they might be seeing before committing to the call. You sent off an s.a.e. to an accommodation address and hoped to get a phone number back at some point. No particular nostalgia but, yes, I met some good PDs on the way as well.

I don't think there is anything I'd add to the advice per se, except perhaps I am rather less convinced by the value of reviews than some. Lisal observes that they're subjective, and of course they are. With all due respect to UKM, I think I can recall about half a dozen or so unfavourable reviews there in the eight years I've been a member. Taken in conjunction with other research though, as part of the decision process, they might have some value. I think I'd personally attribute more weight to them if I knew something about the reviewer - after all, why would anyone care about my views on an individual PD if they didn't know me or what my BDSM interests might be. I think that, were I looking again (which I adamantly am not), I'd attach a lot more importance to the website than to the review; which is where I might disagree slightly with lisal. Sure the majority of PDs have rather good websites and there are certainly some very attractive ones out there but I personally think something of the person can and does generally come through very well. And to coin a cliché, the most important piece of equipment any PD has is between his/her ears.

Edited 17 Oct 09, 6:57 PM by rockmuncher

That's what I've been doing wrong all these years

Interestingly (or not) I met current domme after I phoned her from work, which would show as number not available as it was through a switchboard, although I accept it was a number of years ago and maybe before the more sophisticated technology of today

She's got a joint work/private mobile now and will answer any call (withheld or not) if she is able - having said that she sometimes doesn't respond to subbies whose numbers she can see just to keep them in their place. I know she's done that to me before now. But she isn't actively advertising so it is different

Could a PD explain what the issues are with withheld numbers? I know it's a problem for them but it is so (as I know from my own experience) that sometimes ringing from work (via the switchboard) is a good way of contact for some subbies

Edited 17 Oct 09, 11:59 PM by lisal

I've had problems with abusive callers in the past and that's why I stopped: initially, I used to reply to witheld numbers, and ask them to call me back from a number I could see on the screen. Most people didn't have any problems with that. But after a few months of constant abuse from someone who called me using a witheld number, I stopped answering to any of them.

Unfortunately, witheld numbers are a potential weapon for abusers and timewasters and we have to be careful.

http://www.mstytania.com

Edited 17 Oct 09, 10:48 PM by Ms_Tytania_London

But it is a bit of a Catch 22. For all the reasons expressed elsewhere, reviews are a bit of a waste of time. Web sites are better, but still not brilliant. The stock sites produced by a certain northern supplier are the worst. Even then, the terminology of most PD web sites is a blend of what they really are and what they feel they need to put to generate business. Obviously the pictures are helpful if appearance matters to you, but be warned, a skilled photographer is just that, skilled. A camera never lies is a fallacy in the digital age. However it is a good judge of facilities.

Like anything, a bit of effort is rewarded. If you are a regular on IC, regularly prowl the better link sites, buy the relevant contact mags, you build up a picture of what is going on. PDs that have been around a couple of years are a better bet, an individual web site shows commitment & probably gives a more accurate picture. Top end photography is a actualy a plus, because it costs and shows commitment from the PD.

The Catch 22 is the real answer is to communicate with the PD but this may be difficult as they have to filter out all the time wasters. Personaly I am a huge fan of PDs who respond to emails as this seems to the best way to communicate initially. However this requires a bit of thought on the clients part ... it absolutely must not sound like you are looking for an online wank, keep it as short as possible to communicate what you need to say, try to avoid entering into an email conversation.

Also be realistic. In the search for the ideal PD for you there are going to be some misses along the way. This is not necessarily the PDs fault, you just don't click. First sessions are extremely difficult, you've built up your expectations through the search process, but the PD doesn't know you from Adam. Rather than how good it was, review how the PD adapted to you during the session. Long term, the ability to read you, and mesh with you, is far more important than the one of gratification of that first session.

If love is blind, how come lingerie is so popular ?

It's pretty simple really - call from a witheld number, don't expect an answer. End of.

Thanks you two

I am aware of the issues but thought it would be good to get the PDs side of it so that others would realise the problems faced

Good point. In my 'one-dimensional' sort of way, I've been mulling this one over. For me, and probably many others, it was a matter of looking for “the ideal” – though I never had that as an explicit goal or any kind of defined objective in life. I am now a single-domme sub and that works for me but, of course, there are others that don't want to go that route, for all kinds of perfectly valid reasons, and would rather play the field with more than one PD. But, whichever way you go, it is going to take a while – unless you're exceptionally lucky, or exceptionally gifted at research I guess.

The other point I was going to make is a related one. I daresay this will raise a few hackles but really, genuinely it is not intended to be a personal attack on anyone. On a long motorway drive recently, I was idly reflecting back over the pro BDSM scene over the 20 some years I've been involved in it, on and off and to varying degrees. I accept I could be in a minority of one here but thought I'd see if anyone else shares my views anyway.

I do get rather tired of the, mostly, one-time posters asking for recommendations on PDs, here and elsewhere. I can only assume most of them don't want to do the basic work of identifying a PD who might share their interests and then contacting him or her to explore the possibilities. What is so hard about locating then looking at a website, looking at reviews (if any and if you happen to value reviews) and then emailing/phoning the PD in question? Do people really want it all handed to them on a plate?

I suppose it's like everything in life generally, it strikes me that nobody wants to take responsibility for their own actions anymore, and everyone wants perfection the whole time. Not to mention the fact that everyone feels obliged to make all their emotional business public. Enough please. There's sufficient information out there nowadays to enable any prospective client to make an informed choice and you have an infinitely better chance of having a good experience than was ever the case in the days of telephone box cards or even contact mags. If you have a good time, great. And if you have an indifferent time or a bad time, then write it off to experience and don't whinge. It's not your fault, it's not the PD's fault – it just didn't work for you on the day in question. Just move on and keep looking. Since when did the good old principle of caveat emptor cease to apply?

End of GOM rant!

If love is blind, how come lingerie is so popular ?

As mentioned before IC is primarily a lifestyle site so it's not fair to post recommendations or requests for PDs. Most of us contributing PDs aren't happy to conduct our business on IC preferring clients to contact us via our sites.

That sort of thing is covered by UK-Mistresses where clients with oodles of experience can point you in the right direction and/or us PDs can recommend ourselves or each other.

"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness
http://www.ladyanna.co.uk/ http://www.clips4sale.com/store/26308 http://ladyannadominatrix.c4slive.com/