Comments re Why visit a PD?  (7)

A great read. Thank you for writing it and allowing us to post it.

www.mistresssusannah.co.uk

It may be worth while thinking about the reasons people start seeing PDs, why they continue to see PDs and to comment a little bit on the ongoing relationship (if it happens)

I got married young and at that time (many many years ago) there, perhaps, wasn't that understanding of sexuality that there is now. I'd had thoughts that didn't really relate to what was seen as "normal" sex but they were hugely confusing and I was capable of sex - we were in lurve - and we got married. Slowly, over a period, these thoughts began to crystallise, I did some reading and the urges got stronger. At the same time our sex life was dwindling (complicated story and no-one to blame)

So one day the urge got almost uncontrollable- I went to a phone box in Earls Court - rang a number and 5 minutes later was meeting the rather wonderful Lindi St Clair. I was very lucky to have her as my first PD. I owe her quite a lot as she dealt brilliantly with a nervous newbie

Once I had gone through my first visit I saw her again and tried a few other PDs. - twas much different in those days. I then realised that this was my sexuality. But still I felt dirty and abnormal. My release was my sessioning

I couldn't tell my wife (how easy it is for those who are not in the position I was to blithely say you should always tell the truth). Sex was non existent, BDSM was not her bag and she had her own health issues to deal with. More and more (and the deceit is for many of us the hardest thing) seeing a PD was my escape - my world that I really enjoyed and something to take away a lot of the pressures of home. I do not blame my wife at all - her health problems were overwhelming for her - and, in all honesty, the sexual relief and relaxation of sessioning made it easier for me to support her as best I could

And still I felt dirty and abnormal even though, by then, I was regularly sessioning with one of the best dommes it's been my privilege to see - still much missed by not only me

And then I met current domme. We clicked and she was the first person to really know me - she helped me realise that I wasn't dirty and abnormal - she gave me the confidence (after my wife and I had split up) to tell my friends and she encouraged me to join UKM and go to munches. Now I have a a strong D/s relationship with her - something that didn't cross my mind as a possibility for many years

Long post but three different reasons in there for me seeing a PD at different stages of my life. Others will have other stories and other reasons. I know a few subs who visit PDs and I know just how much they get out of it. Subtler's post eloquently expresses the joy it brings him

Many who see PDs don't want a "lifestyle relationship" (a BDSM fix every now and then is more than enough for them.) Some have a personal life that won't allow for BDSM in any other way. Some would like a BDSM style relationship but find it difficult to meet the right person Some have found a rewarding D/s relationship with a PD etc etc etc

We all understand that seeing a PD isn't for everyone and we do get the reasons why. It would sometimes be nice for those who are so scornful about PDs to try to put themselves in our shoes (as they sure as hell haven't visited a PD ) and understand what we get out of it and why we do it

Edited 13 Oct 09, 11:55 PM by lisal

My story isn't that dissimilar from lisal's as it happens (minus his marital complications). I started seeing PDs about the same time as him – yes there is more than one boring old man round here – and it was a different world back in the day. I saw quite a few PDs – the huge majority of them perfectly pleasant, professional and charming people and had some enjoyable times. But I couldn't shake the underlying thought that there was something 'wrong' with what I was doing and I was somehow 'abnormal'. The emotional side of the brain told me I was all alone in the world, the rational side said logically that wasn't the case but still.

Then I met the PD I still see today. Apart from the quality of the actual play, she became someone I could trust (and vice versa) and the first person I could really open up to about this facet of my character. She showed me that, obviously, I wasn't the only person in the world with these interests and demonstrated that very well; I attended my first munch with her encouragement and been to clubs with her and other friends (as a friend not a client by the way – for the avoidance of doubt on the part of any casual readers who might get all hung up on PDs being complete money-grabbers). Above all, maybe, she taught me to stop spending so much time in self-analysis and just get on with enjoying what I am. So yes, I have a fulfilling relationship with a PD and I am glad that I have been fortunate enough to have experienced that towards the end of my BDSM life.

I said I'm not capable of the lyrical heights of expression of the OP. However, I'll do the next best thing and use someone else's words. I'll end with a quotation I've used once before on another message board. It's from 'Exit to Eden' by Anne Rice, which I read years ago. I can't remember much about the book now but the quote sums up the PD profession quite well to me, so I made a note of it:

“Come with me. Let me show you the rooms. We are not therapists here. We are not doctors here. We ask no questions as to why or wherefore. We are only believers in this refuge, this little citadel for those who all their sexual lives have been in exile. We exist for those who want what we give."

Already, less than a week after going live, we have more informative, interesting and constructive input than I can ever recall on 'etc'.

Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?
The antidote to whinge threads...?

Some people are like slinkies ... they don't really have a purpose, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs
Some people say I'm a bitch, that's just not true - I have the heart and soul of a kind and gentle person ... in a jar, on my desk, next to my cane.

24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.

I don't think I've ever seen "wordlessness" listed as a speciality on a PD website. (Presumably it would come just after watersports, which might be quite apt). But the lack of emphasis on this dimension in the PD arena may be one reason why some people find it so difficult to understand it, and so easy to criticise.

Try. Just a little bit harder.