This post is on the SM/Bondage/Fetish web board.
| 8 Oct 09, 5:19 PM whelpy UK(OX), 5 yrs   |
Hi kes I started to reply to this blog but the emotion i felt made me delete it all. Maybe too personal for me. May i just say that it is akin to my own direction and feelings at times. Kind of stuck between worlds at the mo but wish you to know that am glad i read this. Receiving pain for another is only a miniscule part of me as a submissive and it's easy to have the worries that you describe when it seems to be all that is required.
Do remember your evening when you came home from hols kai "If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel." | |
| 8 Oct 09, 7:47 PM tanken UK(NR), 2 yrs |
Have a rethink. It is possible for masochists to stop being masochists. All kinds of things can happen in a lifetime. It is always possible to enjoy something new if our old pleasures fade, IMO
"Red hair and black leather is my favourite colour scheme" - Richard Thompson | |
| 8 Oct 09, 9:17 PM whelpy UK(OX), 5 yrs |
Have been thinking about this over the evening and it is true for me that a great deal of my pleasure in submission is derived from doing just this, rather than it being about fulfilling masochistic tendencies. i absolutely love to please and make my Domme pleased,that sometimes involves taking pain which i find difficult to endure. kai x
"If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel." | |
| 8 Oct 09, 9:29 PM Big_Friendly_Giant UK(RM), 9 yrs |
Also kes sometimes a person may need pain to contact a part of themselves. They need to be pushed through the door with pain. Pain may be one of the only way to feel and cry. However as we grow and learn to one by one face our demon's. We can start to feel more and not have a thousnad firewalls to prevent emotions from comming to the surface. We can feel and not fear those feelings. PLease do not feel that this is anyones fault. Rather it is a credit to the support and love that your Master has helped you grow and start to heal.
It has been said that a newborn baby crys because it fears being born. In the time you have been my friend you have grown year by year. your journey continues And kes, IF you are EVER thrown out of the BDSM community. GOD HELP US ALL. Becasue you are still the only slave that I know.
Edited 10 Oct 09, 3:09 AM by Big_Friendly_Giant | |
| 8 Oct 09, 10:38 PM Tadashii_Aikouka 5 yrs |
One thing worth considering is that this time of year can make you question all kinds of things. It's a time of change. I can recognise this now, after 4 years of freaking out and nearly splitting up with my partner in October. Change can cause insecurities to surface. It's natural to simply want to feel loved at these times. For that to be enough. To want to know that it is you that he wants, not what you can do for him, or what he can do to you. I'm much more D/s than SM, but I think the same applies. My need for D/s wanes when I am questioning aspects of my relationship and of my life in general. At these times I just want things to be simple, and I need reassurance. It will pass. | |
| 9 Oct 09, 1:43 PM Malbon UK(LS), 8 yrs |
If you are not valued for more than your ability to receive a caning then you are in the wrong place. I wouldn't worry quite so much about it, though you are clearly a very sensitive person who inclines to this. I have certainly experienced this from the other side of the equation, where a girl who has previously accepted the rod gladly suddenly appears to find it is really too much for her. This can be difficult to judge, since on these occasions it may not be apparent to her until the scene is underway. The cane is a powerful instrument, to be handled with care, caution and respect. Especially if it is to be delivered cold, without any other preparation. A temporary indisposition, or a watershed in your development? Only you can decide, and I hope you find you can talk things through with your Master. A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. | |
| 13 Oct 09, 12:43 AM kayak1 UK(PA), 4 yrs |
Seems to me you are at a crossroads and there is no rush to decide which road you take. It may be as many have said just a blip, things will get back to the way they were, on the other hand life just keeps on going on and people do change and grow, don't dismiss the thought that maybe the lifestyle has changed in it's importance to you as a person.
Personally, I came off IC for a while, because it and the lifestyle was becoming too big a part off my life,other areas were being neglected. Now I'm happy accepting it is an important part, but only a part of who I am. I've changed does'nt mean it's a bad thing just life.
If it's just a blip your feeling and pleasure will return, if it's not a blip and you keep feeling uneasy, don't persevere maybe you've just changed in a good way for you. Thats the important thing look after you !
Really hope things work out for you think things thro listen to your intuition and don't rush  | |
| 14 Oct 09, 3:06 PM The_Counsellor UK(WA), 5 yrs |
First I want to commend your honesty and self awareness in posting this. It's a very courageous thing to ask these questions and face up to the potential for change. Second I'd like to say that change is normal, staying the same isn't. This change in your feelings, needs desires may be temporary or long term. Don't worry about it and don't feel ashamed of a normal thing. It may be triggered by the time of the month or something that happened or just one of those things. Talk about it. You are you, and cannot help being you. Be yourself, with authenticity. Remember we all change. He isn't static either. You may find you both moving on into something even more profound than what you have shared till now. The Counsellor Kink Friendly Counselling and Therapy Let me help you to be the best you that you can be | |
| 14 Oct 09, 5:42 PM ConsciousnessJunkie UK(N), 5 yrs |
You don't HAVE to like anything. Just because you used to enjoy something doesn't mean you have to continue to enjoy it. I'm often mocked on here in private because I don't like pain, at all, not one little bit. Yet there are plenty of things in this world that don't involve pain and are still very enjoyable. You're not weird for having a change of heart, trust me. And if the person you're with can't deal with the fact you're not enjoying something, then you're not the right people for each other. I can't see it's any more complicated than that. | |
| 14 Oct 09, 6:10 PM safeandsoundbdsm UK(S), 5 yrs |
We all experience times in our lives when temporary or permanent changes in our desires, needs and wants occur. These times are difficult to understand and even bare. The dynamics of a relationship with BDSM and then also with a partner do need reassessment and redefining as a result of change. This does not mean that anyone has failed or transgressed, it is a natural occurrence of life as things do not stay the same for ever. Where there is such a self questioning, in my opinion, it needs to be shared and discussed with the other person involved. If you are viewing the pain as undeserved there is a central shift in your views. You have not “broken some secret code “nor have you done wrong, you are a good person. When I realised that I loved my present partner and the extent of my love for her I felt unable to inflict pain upon her. In fact I felt it would be wrong to do so and would be totally against the love I felt for her. I could not come to terms with this by myself and talking to her helped me find my way again. This was a different way than before and whilst much has remained the same as before much has also changed. This change did not lessen our love. You have not betrayed either yourself or your partner. How change alters a relationship is not always certain but we can not stop change. We all need to belong, that is part of human nature as we are social creatures. Share your feeling, worries and concerns with your partner. Chris |
