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finally realising what submission means to you? (43)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

5 Jan 10, 6:01 PM
DeCoverley
UK(GL), 4 yrs

Interesting discussion, and germane to my own musings at the moment about the end of my last (4-year) relationship. I wonder how you subs think it should work when you “fall out” with your Dom? When you're feeling angry and resentful, do you withdraw your submission, or accept it totally, and submit to punishment, perhaps sex that you really don't want from him at that moment?

What I learned about my last sub was that she was sexually submissive, but not really otherwise. The relationship, particularly the sex, was so good that I allowed myself to be in semi-denial about this for a long time, but eventually it simply wasn't working for either of us, and sadly we split.

Interested in your thoughts!

10 Feb 10, 8:45 PM
teach_me
UK(OL), 6 yrs

DeCoverley wrote:
Interesting discussion, and germane to my own musings at the moment about the end of my last (4-year) relationship. I wonder how you subs think it should work when you “fall out” with your Dom? When you're feeling angry and resentful, do you withdraw your submission, or accept it totally, and submit to punishment, perhaps sex that you really don't want from him at that moment?

Interested in your thoughts!

I only ever fell out with one person, who i saw for a few weeks ... bad move ... everyone else seemed to as well, cos basically he was a wanker ... but i think i have learned with some of the crappy relationships i've had,in my life, that if things start to go wrong, you fix them, you must keep talking, remember relationships should be happy places .... if you can't fix them, then get the hell out before you hate each other .... if you do that, you can split in a grown up way, and shock horror ... stay friends

in this way i have some great friends, and i have no desire to be with any of them, cos we arent compatible.

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it
if you have a problem with something i've said or done ........ tuff get over it

Edited 10 Feb 10, 8:48 PM by teach_me

10 Feb 10, 9:01 PM
teach_me
UK(OL), 6 yrs

Strictbutcaring wrote:
I just want to say thanks for this post as it has helped me understand my sub a little more. I have been letting her have choices and now realize that is what has been the cause of our problems. I am by nature a kind considerate person BUT I have had fantasys for years about having complete control of a women and punishing her etc but because of my nature and not being a natural Dominant I thought it was not for me. I now realize that I can be caring and Dominant. So once again thanks and to all and in particular teach me who I believe any man should think himself lucky to be her Dom.

lol ... i'm rubbish with choices ... erm nope dont like paddles, whips, chains pain ... being a sub etc etc .. given a choice i would still be in the total realms of vanilla land lol .... but thats never going to happen .... cos whats inside doesn't work like that.....

and nah not lucky ... i scare most of them away lol

ps apologies to your sub ... *giggles :D

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it
if you have a problem with something i've said or done ........ tuff get over it

10 Feb 10, 9:05 PM
teach_me
UK(OL), 6 yrs

Teacher1357 wrote:
Very good and compelling reading. I wanted to read it all, sign of a well constructed piece of writing though I suspect you didn't know it.

Yes stroppy bitch that you are you are definitely sub teach_me. Thank you for your thoughts.

Thank you i try

hmmmmmm sub ... ok if you say so

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it
if you have a problem with something i've said or done ........ tuff get over it

10 Feb 10, 9:13 PM
teach_me
UK(OL), 6 yrs

the_unsub wrote:

Congratulations on figuring it out - sounds like a road to Damascus moment.

It looks like it can be difficult to figure out, especially for new people but I'm not sure if it applies to those who have been submitting for a while.

i think the secret really is to not close your mind to whats inside .... try everything once ... if you like it great.... if still unsure, try it again .... when you're certain you really hate it .... then your Dom will have the final decision .... cos in the end .... having no say, means just that, so get over it, and accept

and actually i dont think anyone ever stops learning, and if they are truly open ... then many things you thought you would never do ... become a fulfilling part of your life.

Lynda xx

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it
if you have a problem with something i've said or done ........ tuff get over it

10 Feb 10, 9:18 PM
teach_me
UK(OL), 6 yrs

bysilverribbonsbound wrote:

It is much like Chris suggests.. you may well find that the Dom you search for has no interest in doing the things you class as limits. But while you hold on to those, you are ultimately clinging to the last bit of control - if you think about it.

I too am accused of being bratty, rude out spoken, what matters is my Master's opinion however. He values the mind in me, the ability to think and therefore values the submission given even further. You have often come across in the same way... intelligent and able to think for yourself. I suspect you will find someone that grasps the finesse of such things. They are indeed rare, elusive beasts... I had to import mine!!! (no offense to the natives ) Much of what you have said I can relate to and has helped put words to a lot of things wandering around my own head so thank you. Good Luck in your search for the Natural Dom - no one is perfect remember even almost perfect takes a whole lot of work!

Silver

ahhhhhhh but if i make sure any Dom i speak to doesn't do needles ... that is taken away lol .... honestly i'm not that daft

*goes off to set up an import export a Dom business ... now why didnt i think of that before ... try before i let anyone else have em lol.

:D xx

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it
if you have a problem with something i've said or done ........ tuff get over it

10 Feb 10, 9:27 PM
teach_me
UK(OL), 6 yrs

anyway all that said ... i'm still me ... and still a damned crap sub lol .... and obviously no ankles are safe if you havent asked my permission to get me on my knees ... i do fight back ....

but then i won't ever be a doormat .... i'll always just be me ... with my many guises, still be a bit barmy, and delinquent, and still have ADHD and be obsessed with sweeties and choccy and tea. .... and still think i'll die a spinster lol.

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should get used to it
if you have a problem with something i've said or done ........ tuff get over it

10 Feb 10, 9:39 PM
ClassAct2005
UK(N), 7 yrs

I suppose an awful lot of what you post on your first post is fairly generic to how most submissives feel, certainly is with me and I certainly don't want choices. They are just confusing. Feeling listened to is good but if someone asks for a great long list of things I want and then just say - yes I could do that my heart sinks.... I want it to be his way and for him actually to have a way.

13 Jun 10, 2:14 PM
stillenacht
UK(M), 3 yrs

Very nice thread to read.

My thoughts can be described about this simply as- each session should be further discovery, and a sub who is easy to gain total trust and respect from, right from the word go session 1, isn't a sub I find pride Doming. I don't go looking for brat subs, but if there has been progress which has a history or learning curve behind it, surely the relationship between Dom and sub is worth far, and more rewarding, more than a quick play now and again?

I guess I bore easily with things that come far too quickly with no time and effort. No pun intended

Hope I wasn't too far off point there.

Stillenacht x

13 Jun 10, 2:35 PM
Corwin
UK(L), 11 yrs

teach_me wrote:
i have fibromyalgia, which causes me a lot of pain, so appear to have a fairly high pain tolerence to inflicted pain, but inflicted pain helps the normal pain ... which makes me happy and horny (and yep horny is quite an alien word for me at times) .... but i'm so much more than just a pain slut ... although pain can be good, with the right person or at a different time and place my pain tolerences can be much less or even non existent,(especially when i'm cold, my pain tolerence is virtually zero) but i'm a stubborn bitch and wont use safe words they may be on the tip of my tongue, but i just cant get them to come out, it feels like i've failed to be everything he wants me to be..... safe words for me i think are restricted to an absolute fuck this has to stop immediately cos theres a real problem/emergency. I expect a Dom to get to know me to understand me, to know when to stop or slow down or move on to something else

It felt quite bizarre reading this part as I could have written it myself almost word for word as a fellow fibromyalgia sufferer.

In fact, there wasn't much in the whole post that I can't relate to.

My submission is about pleasing my domme, even though at times it seems contradictory, I enjoy the things I dislike because they please her.

It doesn't matter that it may have me screaming with pain (a very rare circumstance) or squirming with the humiliation or embarrassment, that fact that she is getting pleasure from the act or my reaction makes it something that I will endure without complaint.

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see
You can find out first-hand what it's like to be me
The End - MCR

Edited 14 Jun 10, 8:47 AM by Corwin

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