 |
| Khrysalis |
on Mon 14 Sep 09, 3:05 PM to Khrysalis's blog.
I have reached the end. There is nothing more I can think of that will help me through this darkness. Things have got to the point now where it truly would be better if I were not part of the picture. You would think I would be hysterically weeping or in a wobbling mess, but I am very calm and clear headed about it. This is what is scaring me inside. I have written (almost without thinking about it) a to do list; Write letter to each of my daughters Write letter to T Write final note Buy ice cream and vodka Choose outfit Make sure girls are away with their grandparents for weekend
I know that it appears to be a selfish act and that I am being weak, but removing myself and my damaging presence will be the best in the long run. The girls will recover and will go and live with their grandparents, who will be able to provide for them in ways that I cannot hope to. I cannot even afford butter and bread for their school lunches right now. T will get over it with time and will no longer have to support me and my kids. I will no longer have to suffer the pain of my existence or burden others with it.
I know that I should call the crisis team and that I should tell them but I don't think they will believe me. I am not crying. I am sitting here as calm as I have been in a long time. Planning and arranging things. I am simply typing my intent to end my life into this little box. Publishing it may be a cry for help, or it may not. I do not know myself right now.
| 14 Sep 09, 7:11 PM LacednLicked UK(WA), 4 yrs |
I hope you are reading this, I hope you are ok. I have only recently got to know you and only a little but I had so hoped to know you more.
If you do read this please do consider calling or texting me If I can help in any way I would be honoured to do so.
As a mother of 2 who has been through serious depression and self harm many times personally I may know a little of what you are going through.
xxx Edited 15 Sep 09, 7:41 AM by LacednLicked |
| 14 Sep 09, 9:29 PM Khrysalis UK(SK), 2 yrs |
To all of you who have sent me your support and messages today. I don't know most of you, I probably will never meet most of you in person, but the fact that you have listened to me and taken time to get in touch with me has touched me deeply. I have called the crisis team and the police have been out to check on me. I am under supervision over night and a crisis team worker is coming round tomorrow. I cannot say that this is over as I cannot clear the thoughts from my mind that ending my life is my only option. Hopefully I will get the treatment and help I need soon. Thank you for caring K x |
