Emotional purging using punishments (41)

Yes, well, I'm not advocating or condemning anything (or, I'm not trying to) - but that's kinda exactly what I'm talking about. The motivation behind desiring a beating (whether a beating actually occurs or not). And not necessarily even just beatings - any kind of punishment.

I wasn't thinking of "grudges" - I'm not really talking about the reasons a punishment is dealt, but more about why it's received. Could a grudge be a reason for *wanting* a beating? Maybe feeling that holding a grudge against your Dom/me is somehow wrong (because sub somehow believes that Dom/me is infallible and therefore the grudge is somehow something wrong with the sub)??

I ask more because I would hate to beat someone who felt they deserved it because of some psychological reason, or to discover that at some point I had done. I personally feel that there are much better ways to deal with guilt than some cathololic school style birching.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-pain in any way, I just would like to think that pain infliction by my me is carried out for more positive reasons - such as, everyone involved *really gets off on it*...

I've always thought that a good, random beating is a great way to make someone feel utterly controlled and Dominated. Assuming they're the kind of person who can enjoy it, of course.

You believe that it's a short-term (and thereby flawed) solution? It's been equated to a form of self-harm by proxy in this thread, which does seem to make sense. I don't think cutting (or other forms of self-harm) actually help anyone in the long run (forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm not an expert) so I think I'd agree. Having just said that I don't want to judge anything too... DOH!

The idea had occurred to me that, if this "purging" took place immediately prior to someone being properly cared for and reassured that they are, in fact completely worthy and there's nothing wrong with them (which I believe should be a part of any good aftercare regime), that it might actually do some good. Having said that, "one size does not fit all" - so it could be massively destructive in the long run...

Especially if the reason someone feels unworthy is because they've been told that as they were abusively and non-consensually beaten. In that case, I can see CP could in fact compound the problem...

Inteligence does not equate to wisdom.

well im telling you thats why. Im talking abot the dom holding a grudge against me, like i said if i mess up i want to be punished so that the dom gets over it.

It does help: But I feel guilty that it helps. Should I?

Patience is bitter - but its fruit is sweet.
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And there are always our shadow selves telling us off too - "you work too hard!" - "you're so lazy!" - we can't win!

*shrugs*

If these feelings build up then maybe its ok to deal with them by expurgation. We live in an inner world that we project outwards, and this inner world deals in symbolism as though it were real. So, maybe yes, we can sometimes usefully trick our pyche into thinking a symbolic act is a real one.

In a way we can't tell the difference, emotionally wise.

So, like any 'cure', for some it might work, for some it might not. It can be experimented with though, in a controlled way. If its in you, then you have to try SOME technique for living in peace with it, I think - whic his ultimately the healthy approach.

Yet I rejoice in the great harm done me, for this reason only, that I am more mine being yours, than were I mine ~ Michelangelo, 1534

Edited 1 Sep 09, 4:18 PM by Grownup_Frankie

I find it interesting that those who do wish to purge themselves of unworthy feelings, ask to be beaten rathe rthan undertaking some other form of punishment.

I have never heard of anyone wanting to be purged of their unworthiness through a stay on the naughty step or writing out 500 lines. No, it is always pain.

So, pain does something which other punishments do not do.

Pain can overwhelm a person. It forces them to think of nothing but the moment and the pain. It is a base and simple punishment. It will most likely if carried on long enough force tears and maybe begging. It reinforces a physically helpless situation. All these things seem stuff only fit for the 'unworthy' in the mind of the person wanting it for purging reasons.

Will painful punishments help those who have real and ongoing self esteem issues? The effect is short lived and will not actually stop anyone feeling unworthy for any length of time.

I think it is clear some people do think in terms of being inferior and unworthy and that some do want a painful purging of those feelings.

Would I, as a Domme, do it to a sub of mine? I am not sure as my own sub has such a healthy sense of self and his own worth. I don't feel 100% comfortable with the concept. I think it would depend for me as to whether the feeling of unworthiness were a one off thing caused by an episode of bad behaviour or if they were indicative of long term psychological/emotional problems. If it was the latter, I would keep CP out of it as I am not qualified to know what (if any) ramifications CP as purging might bring on then.

24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them.

Oh I haven't felt guilty that it does, for me it means that it is over, I know the boundaries and yeah disappointed but yeah assume that the dominant has got rid of the negative feelings and it is over, which is why for me punishment doesnt have to be physical, whatever fits the 'crime' i guess

I don't believe this form of 'treatment'is helpful to people as the punisher is re-inforcing the feelings of unworthiness that already exist. Permanent psychological damage can be brought about but the submissive will not observe this as their self regard breaks down over time.

I wonder if any Dominant would be prepared to explain what he/she believes they obtain from from this as I am not sure I know.

SOS

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Well, to be remebered here is that this is not fact, this is just what you believe.

I always think that a person is the expert on the subject of themselves, or should be judged so - judged to be in charge of themselves. What they do with their lives, how they handle life's lessons, its not really our place to start off by doubting their approach, if it works for them. Sort of Your Kink is not my Kink, only more like Your emotional landscape is not my emotional landscape, but I have my own emotional landscape so I best not throw the first stone, incase we both have glasshouses in our respective emotional landscapes.

If someone says it works for them, then who am I to doubt their word, iregardless of wether it would work fo rme or not?

Yet I rejoice in the great harm done me, for this reason only, that I am more mine being yours, than were I mine ~ Michelangelo, 1534

It works primarily by unlocking blocked emotions. It's a chance to let go, a chance to cry, crucially, a reason why it can happen.

The presence of the dominant 'punisher' focusses the desire to behave, instilled when young by a loving (usually) but authoritative figure. Closure is achieved, for both the punished and the punisher, because the 'treatment' has been given and received. Both feel satisfied, and the dominant's satisfaction satisfies the subject. The nurture then flows.

This is a long way from self-harm, a desperate attempt to exert some control in the world. CP for therapy is a positive, affirming and celebratory process. IMHO.

Penny x

A Bad Penny
My blog-spot: Primalism

I guess it depends on your own opinion, to my mind someone self harming is undesirable as well as the motive behind it.

someone using me <as a top> to do there self harming for them makes my skin itch and it's something I'd rather not do.

I'm not sure I'm saying clearly what I mean here