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| Khrysalis |
on Tue 1 Sep 09, 9:00 AM to Khrysalis's blog.
I am experiencing a lot of confusion. For the last 3 years I have been confidently identifying as Lesbian and have only been attracted to women. The exception to this has been Master. I adore him and he is utterly gorgeous. But recently I have been diubting myself. I have no interest from women when we go out from either males or females. I have not had a relationship with a woman in 18 months nor have I been physical with one. I'm worried that I need validation. Should I NEED to prove to the world that I am gay? Straight people don't NEED to prove that they are straight by being constantly in relationships or screwing around all the time. I suppose my problem is that the only sex I have is with Master and he is profoundly male.
I've decided to try to get a bit more involved in the gay community to see if making some more new friends would help.
What I would really like would be to meet a woman and click with her the way I did with my last female partner. But I'm having serious doubts that will ever happen as she would have to accept my relationship with Master, and my BDSM, and still be attracted to a 35 year old, soft butch dyke!
Hopeless task methinks! But if you ARE out there my love, I can't wait to meet you!
K x
| 1 Sep 09, 9:08 AM Backdooruk UK(BA), 12 yrs |
Think back to before you met your master, when you were in a serious relationship with a woman, did you find yourself thinking much about sex with other women then? - Chris
Vivez sans temps mort | |
| 1 Sep 09, 9:17 AM simplicity UK(TN), 6 yrs |
You don't need/have to prove yourself to anybody, what you do have to be is comfortable with who you are, and not put too much pressure on yourself...
You say you have sex with your master, and that you've had a relationship with a woman - there's nothing wrong with being a little greedy Getting involved with your local LGBT community may be a good place to start to find friendships, and maybe that someone special...
Good Luck
*Erotically Twisted ~ I Want, I Need, I Crave, I Lust* | |
| 1 Sep 09, 9:24 AM Khrysalis UK(SK), 2 yrs |
Thanks for your comments. Any questions or replies that might clarify things are very welcome, no matter how challenging! I have never had a monogamous relationship with a woman (or a man for that matter) so that would be hard to say. I have been with my Master for 5 years next month, but was in a relationship with a woman about 18 months ago. She was non-scene and had no interest in my kinks. We connected on a different level I guess. She lives in Sydney though, so it had to end when I came back to the UK. I suppose part of my confusion (and I hope you'll forgive me thinking as I type here) is that my current Submissive fantasies seem to all include men! Is it that I am really looking for a relationship outside the scene to be more romantic in nature? At the moment I am fighting the urge to turn tail and run, find a cave and live as a celibate hermit(ess?) For ever more. But to answer your question, I have always had thoughts about having sex with women before being with my Master.
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| 1 Sep 09, 10:23 AM astrid_the_spy UK(G), 7 yrs |
Perhaps it would be easier to accept that your sexuality is a fluid, ever changing and developing thing. Is the label lesbian important to you? Who do you feel the need to prove your sexuality too? Would it not be easier to learn to accept the way you are and enjoy it? | |
| 1 Sep 09, 11:51 AM epona74 UK(SL), 7 yrs |
Why worry too much about the label? If you're happy with your Master, and you're currently fantasizing mainly about men, then go with what is comfortable! If later, you meet a woman who is ticking your boxes, and that sets off your fantasies, then go with that! I identify as a lesbian, but if I fancied a guy, that would be just me fancying a guy...it doesn't have to be a big deal. Go with the flow, enjoy where you are at the moment! Having said that, joining in with your local LGBT community isn't a bad thing anyway, as good friends can often be very useful :o) Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. (R Frost) | |
| 1 Sep 09, 5:18 PM mia  UK(M), 4 yrs       |
I would agree with what others have said re getting involved with lgbt community. If it's any help I know a few people who have identified as lesbian who have then identified as bisexual and some even now consider themselves straight. My label is quite important to me, so I understand why 'lesbian' is important. As something which is not the norm, a sense of identity within yourself is important and to have that questionned or doubted, by yourself or others, can make you feel unsure or unsteady. Perhaps you are bisexual, perhaps you are a lesbian who happens to be in love with a man. Whatever is the case, try not to beat yourself up for it and enjoy the ride. x What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing big bald bubblehead that can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals. Edited 1 Sep 09, 5:20 PM by mia | |
| 2 Sep 09, 12:09 PM Khrysalis UK(SK), 2 yrs |
Thank you everyone for being so supportive. Especially Hopscotch, as you get why my 'label' is so important to me. I am different from the majority of people and even different from most of the LGBT community, so having a solid sense of identity is important. The really interesting thing is that my Master is going through a similar thing now too, only, conversely, He is a heteroflexible guy who loves women and just happens to be attracted to guys occasionally. He likes the term pansexual, but I can't make this sit with who I am. Perhaps I should take all of your advice and just stop over thinking it all! Kisses to all K x |
Enjoy both sides of your sexuality 
