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| LaRouge |
Thought I'd share it...
These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
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And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.
Edited Tue 11 Aug 09, 8:09 PM by LaRouge
| 11 Aug 09, 8:12 PM sluttywithsoul UK(SM), 3 yrs |
Ha ha. Can't believe that they actually say these things... but again hearing about them americanisms... me thinks its possible...  | |
| 11 Aug 09, 8:14 PM Painpet UK(CB), 3 yrs |
Oh my god, worrying very worrying lol but oh so funny, loved every single one and yes the last one was the best lol | |
| 11 Aug 09, 8:37 PM Kinky_Vidushaka UK(SW), 3 yrs  |
Ahem, here are more that I posted earlier. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/245553/ There is a fine line between sanity and insanity. I have a foot firmly planted either side of that line | |
| 11 Aug 09, 10:42 PM LaRouge UK(L), 7 yrs |
haha, jump on i dont mind... 
I don't want to be anyones girlfriend, I want to be EVERYONES!... | |
| 11 Aug 09, 11:21 PM ian_wilts UK, 5 yrs |
In a similar vein, here's some genuine (or so it's claimed) newspaper headlines: 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say 2. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope 8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands 10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead 12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told 13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death 14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree 16. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 17. War Dims Hope for Peace 18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge 21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space 23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 24. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter 25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead | |
| 12 Aug 09, 12:04 AM Butterscotch UK(RM), 3 yrs |
Very funny! Next Play Party - Thursday 20th Aug 11am-3pm | |
| 12 Aug 09, 10:02 AM RubyRouge UK(S), 4 yrs |
lol the last one is definitely the best one! "While the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there?" | |
| 13 Aug 09, 11:49 AM LaRouge UK(L), 7 yrs |
lol, thanks for sharing yours Ian
I don't want to be anyones girlfriend, I want to be EVERYONES!... |
