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| NaughtyJim |
on Tue 4 Aug 09, 6:50 PM to NaughtyJim's blog.
Poly. (amory, not polygamy or polygyny) - please read...
Recently I have taken my first steps into polyamory.
As regards relationships, my feelings on how they should be conducted (with trust, love and openness) remain unchanged - I'm just enjoying my life with more than one person now. This is more than being in an open relationship (I already had that): This is about having genuine relationships with more than one person, on levels other than sexual. The reason behind this change of path is that I think it may actually be a better way to do it...
I have spent years watching poly relationships and have always been their biggest critic. For me, poly was a chance for one man to pay half as much attention to two+ women as they deserved (as the women seemed to consistently enter into the relationship without partner(s) themselves). One morning, however, I thought about what I wanted out of life for myself and for my partner (which is stated clearly above): Basically, poly fulfils those desires and eases those concerns. So far I have found it actually makes me feel closer to those I am in a relationship with and I feel lucky and privileged to be with those people (eg @Hedwig).
I'm aware of how society's prejudices in the past have gone against perfectly reasonable things (ie women having independence and the vote, homosexuality, bdsm, etc.). I think that poly may be one of these instances - certainly the first human relationships were poly.
I have a great deal of respect for anyone that makes 'any' relationship work, mono or otherwise: It seems to me, though, that mono is taken by people as they believe that it's their only choice; and that any other relationship type means belonging to a cult! 
The divorce/separation rate for mono is ridiculous, yet we cling to it like it's our only choice, our Holy Grail, often to the detriment of ourselves and our partners. Yes, I want someone to be mine, but I won't entrap...
I want my partners to be radiant; excited by life and taking every opportunity it gives...and that's what poly does for them.
It is occasionally testing as a choice: I think this is because we're brought up in a society with attitudes which are geared to mono only: There are times when I have felt jealousy, but that has gone away very quickly - when the jealousy reactions fade through logic and experience it's actually liberating.
In mono you can only be with one, so interest in/by another provokes jealousy; in poly, this isn't the case. It's funny, if you feel jealousy (or other negative emotions) in mono you think it's a problem with you and your partner; feel them in poly and it's because it's the system that's wrong. If a mono relationship fails it's 'just one of those things.', if a poly one does it's 'because poly is unworkable'...again, that feels like societal conditioning to me!
I believe poly works if you passionately care for the personal and emotional well being of yourself and your partners...and I do.
Please note: I'm not an idiot and have not embarked upon this path with my eyes shut, sold on a dream! The things I value the most in BDSM are the people I'm with; everything else can go hang...
Thanks for listening...
