Posted by Ms_Tytania on Mon 27 Jul 09, 12:12 PM to Ms_Tytania's blog.
A few months at large in the dating jungle (for lack of a better name) and I rediscover truths I'd forgotten after three years in relationships with two wonderful men who meant what they said. So I have to readjust my mindset, my tactics and my plans, and be ever ready for battle.
1. Because love and lust speak a different language where words are a code, and never have a literal meaning. Each sentence, each promise, each sweet nothing, has to be deconstructed, decoded, translated into lovespeak.
2. Because you must never, ever step into the arena unarmed. I have the full armour, and also the love tokens and the silk sleeves and other victory tokens.
3. Because playing passive aggressive is an irritating game, but everybody indulge in it, with or without guilt.
4. And last but no least: because saying no is an enjoyable game of cruelty. I'll say no more.
So I conceal my sabre-tooth fangs with well-practiced feline grace and some lipstick. The knights in shiny armours beam back, looking for the blind spot in the other where a tender heart beats. We delude ourselves that we have found it, aim at it, and charge. Oblivious, in the adrenaline rush, to the impenetrable armours, the treacherous blades concealed about our personas, the blood soaked tongues.
Hello romance.
Edited Mon 27 Jul 09, 12:13 PM by Ms_Tytania
| 27 Jul 09, 12:25 PM felis_silvestris UK(M), 3 yrs  |
Lovely to read... it's just a shame that dating, romance, love, life has to be a battle that requires hidden armour and love tokens isn't it? Or is it? If I take you from behind, push myself into your mind When you least expect it, will you try to reject it? Give it up, do as I say; Give it up and let me have my way.. | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 12:35 PM Backdooruk UK(BA), 12 yrs |
It doesn't, unless that's your thing of course. - Chris
This is my voice, my weapon of choice | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 1:19 PM felis_silvestris UK(M), 3 yrs |
It is not my thing no, hence the post. But it is my experience for it to be common practice. No, it doesn't need to be but perhaps people become too guarded to not be able to.
If I take you from behind, push myself into your mind When you least expect it, will you try to reject it? Give it up, do as I say; Give it up and let me have my way.. | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 1:32 PM Ms_Tytania 7 yrs |
Obviously it isn't, nooooo: "I have always been aware of the effect I can have on men, a look, a smile, a walk, a perfectly placed elegant foot in a beautiful shoe, a hint of stocking through a skirt.. woman is a very powerful creature. Now I want to have a different kind of effect and control..."
That's quoted word by word from your profile, northerngal_66 I love the way people jump at any chance to assure everybody within earshot, that they are all open and honest, what you see is what you get, what I say is what I mean and mean what I say, always, and SPECIALLY when sex and romance are involved, we are all pure innocent lambs. Yeah, sure. It's just me, as Backdoor suggests. Pornified Doll of the Patriarchy and Man-Hater Extraordinaire. Thanks. Edited 27 Jul 09, 1:51 PM by Ms_Tytania | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 1:53 PM Backdooruk UK(BA), 12 yrs |
I don't think it's just you, and yes everybody does put on their best face when they first meet someone to some extent. But no, people don't generally play passive aggressive games, or speak in code once they start to get to know someone (at least in my experience) and you don't need any sort of armour to find love. If you start off open (and are tough enough to face those who are more closed) then you tend to be rewarded with openness in return. In principle I don't believe being closed is a good way to achieve intimacy. - Chris This is my voice, my weapon of choice Edited 27 Jul 09, 1:57 PM by Backdooruk | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 2:04 PM Ms_Tytania 7 yrs |
You live in a wonderful world, Daddy.
But in my experience, openness is no vaccine against people freaking out. In fact, lots of people freak out at openness. It's a good weapon, I'll give you that: it sorts the men from the boys!* *But here I go again, reducing everything to a weapon. Pornified Doll of the Patriarchy and Man-Hater Extraordinaire. Thanks. Edited 27 Jul 09, 2:12 PM by Ms_Tytania | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 2:10 PM HRTease UK(OX), 4 yrs |
I have always been pleased with the way that people, not just ladies who one is considering for a relationship, warm to a genuine open person. We all have an issue or guarded area here or there, but if these are discussed as much as need be in a way that shows a desire to be open I have found it allows access both ways with even the hardest hearted. TM | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 2:18 PM Backdooruk UK(BA), 12 yrs |
I think you tend to find in people what you expect to find, nothing less, and (unfortunately) nothing more. - Chris
This is my voice, my weapon of choice | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 2:40 PM Ms_Tytania 7 yrs |
Platitudes apart, Chris, and using as an example my recent experience from a women pov's, I've isolated two instances when men tnd to freak out and act all funny: 1. When they perceive (perception, not necessarily reality) that the woman they are dating may be more experienced sexually. 2. When the woman is enjoying her time with said gentleman, but isn't looking for a full-on, committed relationship, or for Love with a capital L. And those are two examples of when a lady has to arm herself with patience and clinical coldness, and observe without getting splashed in other people's muck. And generally, move on. Other women's experiences, as well, with their own "freaking out" examples, would be very useful to compare notes. I'm becoming some kind of ethnographer in my dating, and quite enjoying it. Interestingly enough, for reading between the lines, catching predictable, age old lies, excuses and fears, my experience as my "other, professional" self, have provided me with a wealth of wisdom that stops them before any delusion sets in. We humans are so predictable! Pornified Doll of the Patriarchy and Man-Hater Extraordinaire. Thanks. Edited 27 Jul 09, 2:44 PM by Ms_Tytania | ||
| 27 Jul 09, 2:48 PM Backdooruk UK(BA), 12 yrs |
I would have thought it would be more so in the other case, when they were not looking for a committed relationship, and suddenly thought the woman was. But it never occurred to me you were talking about casual relationships, rather than something less commited (a more old fashioned use of the term 'dating' perhaps): Under those circumstances I might concede that game playing is common (though still, I've managed to get into casual play with comparatively little of it). - Chris This is my voice, my weapon of choice |
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