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| alexandraa |
Following Calic's blog... I recently had an email row with some dom because his view was childhood experiences develop our BDSM tendencies whereas I full well know I had those tendencies for as long as I can remember. He said because his mother was dominant and controlling it had made him want to be that way as a reaction to her control. But then how does that explain that my mother has a double first class honours in manipulation and control and yet I am sub? Although I don't do so bad at manipulation and control myself it has to be said. Apart from Colbeh who could spot a manipulative thought and nip it in the bud before it had formed fully in my mind. Hmmmmmm…. How did he do that?
We are what we are and although experiences shape and inform our behaviour they don't plant the roots. It's also akin to saying ahhhh someone is homosexual because they were abused or as my long ago vanilla ex used to say - he was always seeking his father's love and therefore was bisexual because of that. Bollocks. I find that sort of reasoning offensive. My sexuality has a pleasure based erotic connection to pain and control and I can trace back thoughts, feeling and childhood fantasies that all relate to that long before I had sexual awareness.
As a child I used to try and manipulate play into chase and capture games where I would have to suffer being tied to a tree (ah the shame of it) or locked up, tickled, teased and even spanked, and that was from when I was about 6 and upwards, I can clearly remember that. I am also not adverse to it now…
It's just the way we are and some of us have stronger connections erotically to these thoughts than others. I see heterosexuality and homosexuality as opposite ends of the same measure, 100% either way at each end and most of us falling somewhere in between. The ex I referred to above for example I would say is 80% attracted to the same sex.
We see the same thing in BDSM plenty of “vanilla” couples like a bit of bondage or spanking but would never identify it as BDSM. We all know there is a whole scale of things we do and don't like from mild control to vicious sadistic acts.
So where does it all originate? Well my view is it's racial, genetically evolved. In its basest form sex is an aggressive act, where parties take clear dominant and submissive roles. Most usually the male being dominant and the female submissive. We have developed that basic instinctual dom/sub sex drive as humans are want to do and built on it to extend our enjoyment and pleasure. Those of us that have stronger drivers look for more extreme forms of enjoyment.
Sunday's thoughts for the day endeth here.
Oh and by the way got the washer fixed yesterday and today it is broken again I am one NOT HAPPY bunny and might just switch and beat the chuff out of the repair man when he turns up…. Hmmmmm maybe I'll get a tip heheheh
Edited Sun 12 Sep 04, 12:01 PM by alexandraa
