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| alexandraa |
Ok I'm not a nutter, not a frog box badger mad woman at all. So why is it I like to see marks of canes, crops and bites on my body? I think partly it's about the person that gave them to me and the memory of that experience but it's also simply that I just like to see my body marked in that manner. I find it erotic. That's not particularly sane surely? Not intellectually sound. While we're on the subject why do I like to feel pain I hate? Its madness isn't it? I should be locked up immediately…. Tied against a wall somewhere…. Preferably naked and beaten hard….. marked and used…..coughs….
Where was I?? Lost in sub space hahhaha…
I've got to say its something I've come back to often - to wonder why I like pain and the marks of having received pain. Here I mean pain beyond the sensual pain many of us enjoy, I mean serious heavy caning, hard use of a crop, where wheals are raised and remain raised for several hours, where marks can show for a couple of weeks or more. Other than Colbeh I have to say I haven't come across a man that wants to do that to me. But then I haven't got that close or played long enough with anyone to work towards that degree of S&M. I'm sure they are out there and I know some do play and want to play that hard but I haven't crossed swords with them yet.
There is a fundamental difference between the sensuous pain from even a heavy flogging and the acute pain of a heavily used cane or crop. I actually struggle very hard to take that level of pain. It's not something where you go “Oooohhh lovely” and get deeply into it, like you do with a flogging. It's a case of “Fucking hell man that hurt so much, you're a bastard did you know, ohhhh go on then give me another”. Although of course you don't tend to vocalise in quite that manner with a Dominant unless you seriously have a death wish. I believe I have been known to go as far as saying "fucking hell man" before I cut it off. It wasn't the right thing to be saying....
So despite all of that struggle, hatred and rebellion I love it. Love, love, love it. Then love the marks afterwards and can't help but go and admire them constantly. Feel the raised bumps and stripes and sigh contentedly that I have been beaten hard and used so ruthlessly. It's an amazingly erotic experience for me. It defies any intellectual reasoning I can think of and I can understand why some factions of the medical fraternity think we are actually clinically mad as badgers (that's a technical phrase for being mad as a box of frogs). All I can say to them is you should try it….. and probably a lot of them do……
Give me more…. I need it that's what I have become well aware of over these last 2 or 3 years. I need it.
No bugger has turned up with one of those kangaroo floggers yet…. What's the matter with you all? That's going to be so nasty just so, so nasty. I will hate every second of it I know it. Lovely.
<Wanders off to browse, drip and drool over web sites again>
Edited Sat 11 Sep 04, 4:50 PM by alexandraa
