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| alexandraa |
It's not what you think fellow deviants its neither sniffing of knickers nor gossip so you best get off to that corner to play with yourselves instead… and don't make a mess! The fact of the matter is my washing machine has broken down, oh yes CRISIS at hand. AND the cnuting twetting custard of a landlord has his phone switched off. Who does he think he is? Doesn't he know who I am? I've been trying the southern monkey all day. If he has gone on holiday he is toast, mince and all sorts of other very dead things. Stick with me its getting interesting now……….
LUCKILY (I hear a sigh of relief rush round the blogging reading room) I had just done a load of towels and then a load of bedding before the damn thing sighed and said NO MORE. Bit handy cause I'm a fussy cow and change my bedding loads, although I have horrified but yet delighted memories of a certain hotel room in Harrogate where Colbeh and I holed up for 3 days….. suffice it to say I think I left the room once for about 2 hours in the whole time. How fab was that? How much like a den of sated deviant sexual desire did the room resemble? Very very much. What's more Colbeh was suppose to be there on his own…… hahhaha now what did they think he'd been up to I wonder?
So sleeves up and beloved watch off and I've been scrubbing (what's new I hear you bellow? Yeah yeah heard it all before) Flicks suds at nosey bloggers hoping for filthy goss. Have washed my clothes by hand, they are currently soaking. I'm going for the soak rather than scrub option tonight. I know I know how deviant is that? Mad as a box of frogs with a badger on top. That's me. So where is the BDSM within this blog? OK OK coming to it now. I felt the need to talk pain. Well that's as close as I get nowadays. STOP, that wasn't a request for offers.
OK serious now lets talk pain…………..
Pain yes. How lovely is it? Sigh…. I was thinking about it today. You know when Colbeh and I first had to part I thought of all sorts of things. Thought how the most essential thing about our relationship was, for me, just being his. No matter the play, no matter the S&M, no matter the dynamic. Just him. Still the case but boy oh boy am I ever missing pain right now. I need to feel myself falling into that place. Where the world shuts down around you. All I would concentrate on was my breathing and absorption of the pain he chose to give me. The heat of my body and my awareness of him moving around me choosing his sex weapons, cane and crop, flogger and pin wheel (bastard), I would start breathing deeply don't know why, just I'd come to learn that was the way to deal with it. I'd prepare my mind to accept it. Coach myself to love the pain and pull it into me to feel the rush through my body to relish every stroke as the pleasure he would give me with the awareness that no matter my mind battle, my body would be responding to the pain erotically.
Then the pain, the hit, the rush, the all encompassing, wrenching, soul-baring pain. The awareness of my humility before him, the knowledge of his ownership, the physical and mental demands he made for my total submission. He would make so many demands of me, stillness, quietness, counting, everything would of course seem impossible to me but I would strive to please to obey. Sometimes it would be impossible sometimes the pain would be maddening, it would build a rebellion within me and yet he would control that too would literally beat that out of me.
And then it would be over I would be grateful and relieved and yet want more even as I knew he had pushed me to the very edge. Then his arms, his hands over the welts. How delicious? Ahhhhhh simply no comparison. The rest is completely private. You can go away now.
How much intensity? How I miss him. How I love him. How marvellous my memories are.
Edited Thu 19 Aug 04, 8:26 PM by alexandraa
