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| alexandraa |
I've been surprised by many things Dominants have said to me over the past couple of months. The thing that has astounded me, and I have heard a few times, is Doms complaining about playing with subs that have no interest in the Dominant's pleasure. What??? I hear you screech. Well yes apparently that's the case. So I thought about my own experiences and wondered if viewed from the other side have I ever been selfish? Definitely in my vanilla relationships ohhh yes, but hey surely my pleasure was primary then? (Whistles innocently and is glad not to see the look on Colbeh's face).
I admit freely I was a cow to my ex husband but couldn't stand the fucker on top of me. I can smell his body now shudder yak yak yakkity yak. Funny how in truth chemistry does come into it. I loved the smell of Colbeh, used to sneakily sniff him while we were in after glow moments, hated the smell of my husband, used to tell him get off now and finish off with a wank while I shower. My word can you believe that of me so pure so submissive….. Why do we ignore such fundamentals? To think I spent 15 years with my husband. Blimey. Mad as a box of badgers and frogs combined.
So anyhow, getting back to the topic…. Why would I play as a submissive with a Dom and not show interest in his pleasure? Hmmm well when I thought this through I think it's a misunderstanding thing. OK OK I know I can be naďve. But look at it this way right…. As a sub you wait to be told what to do yes? You show respect, wait for orders, commands, gestures. So in play why would you initiate? I would have been punished, and in fact was punished for making a sexual move against an express order. Small thing (well quite large and nicely thick actually but enough of that) but was an act against an order. Small punishment but I can remember the sting of the crop on my hands even now.
So my thoughts for these Doms that complain about subbies taking and not giving. You need to tell us. That's what we expect. That's the fab thing about D/s there is no need for misunderstanding. In fact there is nothing so good as the thrill of being told exactly what to do. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Now then of course the Dom that gives orders and no pleasure to the sub except the “pleasure of pleasing the Dom” well that's another blog title entirely called he who shall be scorned....
Its give and take always isn't it. The circle of power exchange. That's the joy and delight of it to me, mutual pleasure.
So advice from the sub perspective for the newbie Doms - plan your intentions when you meet a submissive and dont be scared to take control because that's what we want. We need to know we are pleasing our Dominant and the best way for us to know that is if they are completely clear about what they want.
Not only does that mean you have a complete understanding of each other and no resentful expectations that aren't fulfilled but it means you both have a certainty about your positions and dynamic. In general a submissive likes and in fact needs very clear guidelines. I liked Colbeh to take complete control. I found it sexually arousing for him to be demanding and strict. I would feel a shiver of delight down my spine when he gave me a direct order regarding his needs.
I suppose get your head around that and you have it cracked. The reverence and respect come from a submissive feeling controlled guided and tightly held within the heart and mind of her Dominant.
As ever open communication, clarity, trust and love. These to me are the backbones of a Ds relationship and for those things I give my utter submission. Not for someone yelling on your knees bitch although that's fun too when you have everything else in place.
Edited Sun 15 Aug 04, 6:04 PM by alexandraa
