 |
| alexandraa |
It was trust that came first of course. When Colbeh and I were first together we had discussed limits, more from the perspective of things we would or wouldn't do, things we had or hadn't done. Things we fantasised about. We learnt and developed and grew to understand each other's minds and bodies over a period of time. BUT I can remember the very moment I gave all myself to him. Yes the very moment. Body, mind, soul and heart were handed over completely. He knows it too.
It was a marked turning point for me mentally. The point where I truly understood what it means to trust someone absolutely. To trust they will look after your well being, mentally, emotionally and physically. At that point what limits are you holding on to? For what?
The turning point for those of you that are interested is related to a blog I wrote sometime ago regarding abuse.
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/weblogs/andra/2... 205525171
(sorry folks cant make the link work you need to delete the space between the 2 numbers or go and seek the blog i did on 17 March)
I was in a vanilla relationship prior to Colbeh where I was abused and one thing my partner enjoyed was swinging and in particular seeing me used by other men. I didn't enjoy it but went through a period in my life where I shut down. Where I ignored what was going on around me and pretended I was happy. Colbeh recognised that very quickly and helped me deal with it, face it and put it to bed.
So putting that down as background, the turning point with Colbeh was one evening when he said to me, as he was want to do, would you do anything for me? I as always said, of course, anything. He then said, and if we were to go to a swingers club? I balked immediately and without thought and said, no not that. We were both surprised at my reaction.
I thought it through and then spoke to him about it and my realisation was in fact no matter what I did with this man I trusted him to hold me safe, keep me happy, secure and protected so long as I was his.
So you see to me its not about limits at all, its about trust.
You either trust or you dont. And if you do then you have no limits.
We had been together about 6 months at that point. I felt a whole mental shift in my head. I realised I could trust this man, MORE than I could trust myself, to keep me safe. I had never ever trusted anyone like that before.
To me that is the essence of a D/s relationship. That recognition that your Dominant is someone who knows better than you know yourself what is best for you. To handle any situation you are in, anything that they have asked of you in such a way that it is a positive experience. You might be pushed, you might be doing something you dont feel you want to but they will keep it positive for both of you. Communication is of course the key and its the sub's responsibilty to be clear about their thoughts and feelings so the Dom can indeed manage the situation. The Dom's responsibility to listen to words and interpret body language. You need to know each other inside out if you are pushing limits. You need to trust each other implicity.
If you hold that in your heart and mind then why do you hold limits.
If you dont hold that in your heart and mind then dont worry, it all takes time.
Colbeh and I were lucky. We had something special. We had a mental, emotional and physical bond that I never thought to experience in my lifetime. We communicated openly and honestly from the start. I will always remember.
as the song goes......
no no you cant take that away from me....
Edited Sat 24 Jul 04, 9:40 PM by alexandraa
