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| alexandraa |
I know just what you mean Pagandiver. Colbeh used to make me do that now and again, its a god damn chuffing hard thing to do - to hold eye contact during an orgasm but if you do.... well.... for me it was very much a feeling of there was my control, there was the man allowing and demanding my orgasm. An utter demand of submission. It was humiliating (humbling rather than demeaning) and yet freeing (to show and give him everything) and oh so intensely personal and emotional. A space and time so private and personal between two people and a neat trick for any Dominant wanting to push their sub to give ever more of themselves. Lovely.
Its been a long week and now I'm off work for a week hurrah. Its been a long two months come to that and I feel a deep need for rest, relaxation, peace, quiet, swimming, bubbling in the jakuzzi, reaching a slow broil in the steam room, and generally just giving myself a rest. Dropping the stress, dropping the pressure I put myself under and just taking a bit of time for me.
Hopefully the weather will be lovely and so walking and lolling about in the sun will be features of the coming week, a visit to the Tate, want to check out some other London stuff too. Then friends will arrive on Thursday for a busy couple of days.
I chatted today to some old friends that I haven't spoken to in ages. Was good and was hard too because I got all the questions about Colbeh and myself. I guess it gets easier to talk about it everytime.
A new friend made a good decision today I think and hope.
Life is a struggle and a trial to us sometimes or do we just make it that way by behaving how we think people want and expect us to behave? If we could all truly be what we wanted to be without behaving how we think people expect us to behave wouldn't we be happier all round? Or does the actual act of conforming (or performing to expectations) give us meaning and purpose? Are we lost without our self imposed behaviours? Its a scary thing to give ourselves the freedom to behave in a way that fulfills us when most of society think we're barking.
Its a lovely thing to be submissive and to be given that freedom. Equally it must be freeing for the Dominant to be able to act towards his submissive in the way he chooses.
How lovely that I found this lifestyle. How lucky I was to be introduced to it by Colbeh. Sad though it is to be parted from him I know I will find my submission again one day.
Love as ever to all friends, old and new xx
Colbeh I hope you haven't forgotten my last message, I shall have to smack you if you have.
Edited Fri 25 Jun 04, 10:22 PM by alexandraa
