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| Ms_Valentine |
Someone used that phrase on SD a few days ago to describe punishment taking place well after the offence has occurred often accompanied by a kind of ritual or ceremony.
I have already said on this site that I fail to see why one must not punish when angry, as anger is merely an emotion, it does not have to have an effect upon how we act. People can exert self control and not abuse a sub/slave even if they do punish them when still annoyed about their misbehaviour.
I almost always punish p straight after an offence occurs or as soon as I am aware of it. There is no ritual. The cane is out, strokes are given, no unnecessary effort on my part and as little disruption to my plans for the day is incurred.
I see a punishment ceremony or ritual as giving the misbehaviour too much of my time and effort. It makes the bad behaviour seem important. Giving t more than it's share of attention. Some subs/slaves might even like the punishment ritual. Surely that can't be right?
Also punishing after a while in cold blood, so to speak, seems like a form of revenge to me. It doesn't feel like correction of mistakes and a moving back to normal. It is as though punishment is expected, allowed for, and ritualised.
I don't expect to have to punish p. I expect him to be well behaved and obedient. When I do have to , I am annoyed with him for forcing me to do something I had not been planning. Don't get me wrong, he does not misbehave to get punishment. He hates the cane. The pain makes him shed tears and he generally does all he can to avoid it.
I act as though I never think he will need punishing and when I do it is short, sharp and very unpleasant. He tends not to need it again for quite a while, often no more than three times per year which is not bad given he is with me all the time.
So, far from being better, I think the waiting to punish until one is not in the moment of displeasure, is crueller, more likely to result in over punishment as the sub can fret and get worked up waiting for the punishment and stops the air being cleared there and then.
What do others think?
| 7 Jul 09, 5:38 PM Intelligencia UK(GU), 5 yrs |
Thank you for your balanced view of this topic, I've edited yours to concentrate on the points I wish to expound. Firstly, Master does not use ceremony in punishment so I cannot comment on that. However, the delay in delivering punishment is a tactic which is employed and often to great effect. The emphasis being that Master is in control so, if I choose to act in such a way that disrupts his spontaneity or his planned activities, I can expect to receive punishment at some point BUT, since Msaster is in control, that moment will be of his choosing and, obviously, at a moment which will cause me enough distress as to deter me from indulging in such behaviour again. Punishment is very different to play and Master prefers to separate the two to ensure that acts dealt with during a punishment are resolved. This does not suggest, however, that Master broods on my misdemeanours, more that he creates or expolits an oportune moment to punish misdeeds, as and when he is ready. Personally I find this method of control and punishment suits me, it means that I may not be aware if my behaviour has agreived him for quite some time, but it also provides a space for him to watch me and see whether my deviation was a 'one off' or an emerging behaviour. There is never any element of 'saving things up' or revenge, merely Master re-asserting his control in his own exquisitely managed style. Best Wishes Number 3
Every second of every hour of every day
I am his Number 3 | |
| 7 Jul 09, 5:43 PM Sarah1974 UK(RM), 3 yrs  |
I think really, it depends on the relationship that you have. We are all different in so many ways and what works for some will inevitably not work for us all. I have had to wait for punishment...and on occassion have not even been aware that it has begun until it was too late for me to try and make amends or apologise - it is a cat and mouse scenario with my Mistress and I on occassion.
But, that being said, I am a methodical person in nature and like things orderly and on time...so the delaying tactic is well adept at throwing me for a curve, which is always a learning experience in itself. It doesn't happen often | |
| 7 Jul 09, 6:24 PM Susan_Williams UK(CH), 3 yrs |
To say that anger is merely an emotion and does not have any effect on how we act is misunderstanding the part that emotions play in human behaviour. I would say that 75% of what any one person does is emotionally driven. Anger is a an emotion that can range from mild irritation to near insanity and the greater the depth of the relationship between two people the greater the anger is likely to be. The guy that wrote the words to the song "You always hurt the one you love" knew exactly what he was talking about. I have injured myself in a fit of anger. It is not a lack of self control; it is a temporary loss of self control, something which all emotions are capable of doing whether it is anger, sorrow, happiness or just abject fear. It is hardly surprising with all that adrenalin flowing around which most emotions, particularly anger and fear, produce. I received a text message some weeks ago that made me so angry it was two hours before I could reply to for the simple reason that I couldn’t hold the phone steady enough to use. So if the anger just produces mild irritation then fine, go ahead. But when the red mist comes down it is probably better to wait till it has cleared. The best thing to do when in any state of extreme emotion is to do nothing. They do affect you cognitive abilities. I was punished recently for a mistake I made. It was a well deserved punishment which consisted of six of the best, cold and hard. However, the preamble that came before was probably worse than the actual punishment. I was glad when I was told to bend over as I was in a bit of an emotional state. In this instance the punishment came long after the offence had been discovered but minimal time from the time I was told I was to be punished and the punishment actually being carried out. If the punishment had been carried out at the time the offence was discovered, something I doubt very much would have happened, I would have been really worried.
Susan Williams | |
| 7 Jul 09, 6:52 PM Ms_Valentine UK, 9 yrs |
Maybe I just do not feel anger the way some people do and so I am unaware how it can actually take people over and make them act. I still cannot imagine that anyone could actually brutalise or beat up their sub badly in a fit of anger at their disobedience. Not anyone who doesn't already suffer from sever self control/anger management issues anyway. I do feel angry but I cannot act angrily. I don't do angry things like break stuff, kick the wall, punch cushions. I just do not get that way. I still think people could with a moment of thought be calm enough that what they are doing is not acting in anger but just acting whilst still aware of their anger. Then they would be safe to punish without being in the throes of an out of control state. I think I would not be with my sub if I thought he could produce angry actions in myself. I would feel I was out of control and that he was a bad influence upon me if he could trigger it. Paul can disappoint very occasionally, frustrate and irritate but never make me full blown angry.
24/7 subs and slaves can and do live similar lives, it is only the concept of 'ownership' which separates them. | |
| 7 Jul 09, 8:55 PM FluffySub UK(NN), 6 yrs      |
I knew I'd blogged about this somewhere - I've just found it: http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/172088/0/... Sadly I'm no longer in this relationship but, while I was, the method worked for us. I'm a threadkiller, twisted threadkiller |
