Posted by LittleEl on Mon 6 Jul 09, 9:25 PM to LittleEl's blog.
"A man enjoys the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age," said Shakespeare. And there's a huge number of more "mature" Doms (i.e. in their 50s and 60s) who seem to like a bit of youth in their meat. Or should that be their meat in a youth?
I've had a number of encounters/relationships in which I have been the junior party to the tune of twenty years or more. They were in the first couple of years of my exploration of BDSM. I know the appeal of having a partner who's had experience, who is known and respected in the community, who can introduce you to others and help you become established in your own right.
So, short term, all well and good. But I think there's a reason that so many generation-crossing relationships (i.e. those with a gap in excess of two decades) struggle. And not merely through bickering over the relative merits of the music/literature/art of the 60s versus that of today. Age is more than a number really, isn't it? What about when your partner has adult children, older than you, with kids of their own - do you want to effectively become "granny" in your twenties, before you've even been "mummy"? Then there's the delicate matter of life expectancy, and the real probability of being widowed at a relatively young age. Big issues, unavoidable and not easily reconciled.
Of course, it doesn't matter a fig if you're happy with the relationship choices you've made. All happiness to you if you've found it.
I am curious as to why so many of the older Doms pursue women so much younger than themselves though. Seeing adverts in which men in their 50s specify a maximum age in their 30s makes me wonder why they aren't looking for a partner closer in age. Maybe it's precisely because they can play with a succession of young novices who are looking for a safe pair of hands to "abuse" them?
Perhaps I'm just bitter because I'll be hitting 30 next year, and time is running out for me to find the octogenarian deviant of my darker dreams. Although according to the WiiFit, I'm already gone - it's given me an age of 43. Ho hum.
| 6 Jul 09, 9:31 PM northernwench 7 yrs |
Age is incidental. If you love someone twenty years your senior/junior I don't see a need to subject it to analysis in a way you wouldn't if they were of similair age.
| ||
| 6 Jul 09, 9:32 PM Da_Pix UK, 6 yrs   |
There is an age gap of 26 years between my partner and I, me being the younger person. We don't argue. I do worry about the obvious pit falls that will come in the future. I want children, and I don't want to be alone so soon. Yes - hello we're back - and we're taking calls Now what was the question? | ||
| 6 Jul 09, 9:32 PM MissKimberley NL, 8 yrs    |
[tongue in cheek] those would be the same Doms that will not consider anyone over a certain age, height, size or weight? [/tongue in cheek] It seems quite common, I haven't a clue why. I personally don't mind someone a little older, or younger, but I found a large age gap difficult. You want different things from life, have different references, experiences. Perhaps it's a midlife crisis thing? “During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell | ||
| 6 Jul 09, 9:38 PM LittleEl UK, 9 yrs |
Yes, there's a certain amount of truth in that. But my statements aren't based on analysis so much as emotions...emotions that I've experienced. Meeting your partner's grandchildren can stir pretty strong feelings. And for me, the experience of losing my own father in my teens made me think very carefully about whether I could justify putting my own offspring in a position which would effectively increase their chances of suffering a similar loss at a similar age. Not criticising anyone in a relationship with such a large age gap. On the contrary, I think I respect them more for it. Because I know it's not something I could contemplate myself When it's against someone's will ... well, they end up so ... compliant. But someone who embraces the night of their own volition ... ah, that's another thing entirely. | ||
| 6 Jul 09, 9:42 PM Litany UK(E), 11 yrs |
if I loved someone 20 years junior, I would be on some sort of register. It is the person you fall in love with, there qualities, there characteristics...there age is something that adds to there attraction "Litany, a poncy show-off with wit, a camera, and his own teeth *swoon*" | ||
| 6 Jul 09, 9:45 PM northernwench 7 yrs |
We take risks everyday in our life and in relationships. We take a gamble every time we drink a little too much, every time we sit behind the wheel of a car, every time we peer over the edge of a cliff in a gale. If love happens, it happens. It can't be compartmentalised into safety pockets and subject to risk assessments in order to minimise an unfavourable outcome. Following that theory, we would never again eat a cream horn or get on a rollercoaster without first asking to see the fairground mans health and safety information. Relationships run their course and die regardless of years on the clock. Life is too short to tiptoe warily. I wasn't always an advocate of such recklesness in the business of matters of the heart - but these days feel very differently.
| ||
| 6 Jul 09, 9:48 PM LittleEl UK, 9 yrs |
And I wasn't always an advocate of such caution. Just proves the point that Shakespeare made - our attitudes and preferences change over time When it's against someone's will ... well, they end up so ... compliant. But someone who embraces the night of their own volition ... ah, that's another thing entirely. | ||
| 6 Jul 09, 10:14 PM coinoperatedgirl UK(EH), 4 yrs |
I'm in a relationship with a man 32 years my senior. I'm 22, he's 54. And yes, sometimes I do worry about 'The Future' but *none* of us can take the future for granted. We make grand plans, have ideal life trajectories marked out in our heads, but anyone of us could step onto the road tommorow and be killed by a bus. I don't mean to be nihilistic or depressing - au contraire, this way of thinking makes me feel so free: carpe diem, you know? The world is so full of suffering and misery, I just think that you can't let happiness pass you by -- you have to grab onto it with both hands. And sometimes it doesn't fit neatly into your predefined conceptions of what you want, or where you see your life going.
I think that's a really fantastic way of putting it. We can't dwell on the 'what ifs'. I've got a perfect body, 'cause my eyelashes catch my sweat | ||
| 6 Jul 09, 10:16 PM Vampire_bunny 3 yrs |
Yeah, i know what you mean, and I've noticed this trend and thought about it too. Not sure if I could be with a majorly older Dom in the long term, I want kids at some point and having their father old enough to be their grandad just doesn't seem right, or fair on the kids. What I wonder, is how do older Doms cope with the...immatureness of their subs? Doe sit ever get to them? | ||
| 6 Jul 09, 11:38 PM ScarlettDeWinter UK(BS), 3 yrs |
I think another issue I have with dating people more than 20 years older than I am is simply logistical. At eighteen I don't have any real baggage, (well, maybe a bit emotionally) but I've got no serious past relationships, no ex husbands or children. Getting involved with someone who has a whole life built around them already makes it harder for the relationship to work. I've been mocked before for being so serious, for refusing to get involved with someone more than 15 years my senior. Apparently I should just "have fun", but it's difficult. I have a life full of very teenage things: I drink and smoke a lot, my friends are a huge part of my life, I change my mind a lot, I'm still a bit moody, I'm still working out what I want from life. On the basis that I'm not really a fully grown adult, I don't really feel like I should be dating one. All of us are in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. Oscar Wilde. |
