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| poutanaki |
I'm restless again, itchy… no not itchy, just uncomfortable in my own skin. Feels like I could scratch my own skin off somehow 
.
There's an urge to feel something, a kind of silent scream inside me, a building angst. I don't feel content or settled or at peace.
Not even sure what I need, what would soothe me. There's a pervading sense of dissatisfaction with the here and now. That I am lacking something to focus on and the lack of focus irritates me, angers me...
A combination of lack of play and the post Glastonbury comedown maybe?
Wish I could be tied, tight and motionless, trapped… so I could focus on my breathing and the rope against my skin.
Wish I could be beaten, till the pain radiates through me, sharp and consuming and beautiful.
Wish I could be broken, so my body shakes with sobs I can't control, can't stop.
Wish I could feel shame, the kind which knots my stomach and makes me want to hide from those dark and deviant places.
Wish I could be used, so that I could feel useful.
Want to cry, but the tears are stuck behind my eyes.
Edited Fri 3 Jul 09, 9:21 PM by poutanaki
| 3 Jul 09, 9:56 PM switch_bitch UK(G), 6 yrs |
I know how you feel, but up here in Scotland we call it "those fu**ing midges, when will they be extinct!!"  If you go through life with your head in the sand, all people will see, is an arse |
