After Scene Care (part 2) (28)

Yes for those lucky enough never to have not had good aftercare, it can be difficult to explain the need to define it and plug it as something that should be done, even if the person says they don't drop.

Yes I did say "even if the person says they don't drop". I said it because I've seen people who "don't drop" crash for not particular reason and be left thoroughly confused as to why they're feeling so shit. Thankfully they blogged about it and people were very quickly able to point out that it was sub-drop.

I know some people might think checking in with your playmate the day after and then a couple of days after is over-kill. I don't. I've provided enough hugs and support for people suffering post-play drop in my role as their friend to see the difference decent aftercare makes.

From my own perspective, living with my Dom I know I need extra hugs the day after or the second day after play. Having a busy social life helps cushion drop. I do know that since taking up longsword fencing that I don't drop on a Tuesday to the same degree anymore. Living with your partner will often reduce the need for specific day after and onwards aftercare, it doesn't fully replace it though.

Thankfully I've not experienced top drop. I do know that in general doing nice things for mine will help put him in a better mood if he's feeling "meh" after playing, but I do believe in two way responsibility.

"A life without pain has no meaning" Athrur Schopenhauer
"Rope, rope, rope, rope, rope..." It's sort of like the Dwarvish song "Gold", only it's about rope.
Glastonbury Festival Munch

Edited 4 Jul 09, 11:08 AM by tiggerGlasgow

I really don't get this expectation for some sort of ritualised aftercare and mollycoddling personally, but hell, if that rocks your boat each to their own. What I don't like is the implication that if I play with someone who then, for whatever reason, doesn't check in with me straightaway to make sure I'm not 'dropping' (WTF is this horrible term - what am I dropping exactly? My common sense?) and then for each and every day after, this makes them an inconsiderate cunt.

I play because I enjoy it - it's not inflicted on me, I consent, I asked for it - unless I specifically state beforehand that I'll need to be tucked in and rocked to sleep after (ick), I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that whoever I played with is an unfeeling bastard. There's rarely anything that 'should' be done - only what feels right and abides by the common sense of the individuals taking part.

ETA: Might help if people are clear whether they are talking about the immediate aftermath of a play sesh, or the days and weeks after. There is something of a difference between a 20 minute thrashing in a club, and 5 or 10 days of intensive D/s as well!

Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?
The antidote to whinge threads...?

Edited 4 Jul 09, 11:40 AM by Jahc99

You're right. It doesn't have to be. However, I don't need playmates to be 'there' for me, and don't judge those who aren't. This makes neither party cold and heartless - as has been intimated on this thread.

Fair enough - I certainly wouldn't want to appear to take such an attitude.

Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?
The antidote to whinge threads...?

What the "dropping" refers to is not your common sense but your endorphine levels dropping and it having a very profound impact on your mood and state of mind. Apparently in terms of brain chemistry rather similar to the "come down" after taking certain drugs, but, not having taken these, I can't comment. What I can comment on is that it does leave some people feeling really out of sorts and emotionally vulnerable.

It's not about contacting each and every day, it's about manners and making sure that the other person is OK. If you don't need or want that then making it clear to people you play with is good. You are, in many ways, the exception.

Yes the only real absolutes are to do with whether you're enjoying it or not between those involved in a particular play and what works for them. That aside, for me another absolute is courtesy, providing decent aftercare is a sign of respect for the person you're playing with as a human being and not just as a commodity.

"A life without pain has no meaning" Athrur Schopenhauer
"Rope, rope, rope, rope, rope..." It's sort of like the Dwarvish song "Gold", only it's about rope.
Glastonbury Festival Munch

If we were all the same we would not need to spend time looking for that 'special one'.

It is a magical moment when two people match so well that verbal communication is not needed during a 'scene'. When two people know each other so well just a look says it all.

but as i said, we are all different, so finding that person is hard but well worth the effort.

As for aftercare, again we are all different and it would depend on the scene and the people involved.

I personally enjoy a cuddle with Master after a scene, i think it reinforces our love and commitment to each other.

However, there have been times when i have needed aftercare for a good many days after, when i was branded for example, not only did Master care for me at the time and immediatly after branding me, he also cared for me and the wound until i was healed.

i personally would not be with a Master that would not offer this sort of care, i do not need to be molycoddled, but i do need aftercare, to verying degrees, depending on the 'scene'.

We are supposed to be an open minded community, non-judgementle of others and their kinks, but increasingly i see people ramming their 'one twoo way' down other peoples throats, there is no right or wrong, just what is right for you.

to those that understand, no explaination is needed, to those that dont understand, no explaination is possible

We are both caring people, and always make sure anyone we have played with is ok, during and after a session.

I do think the main problem is people perceiving "aftercare" as fluffy blankets, cocoa and being hand fed thorntons choccies.

--------------------------------------------------- --------

Though I am so up for this kind of treatment from a certain someone *ahem*

.... yes I know, it's very unlikely!

(P.S. Having a tin of cocoa bought and put in the cupboard for you so does not count )

Senno Ekto Gamat

Edited 4 Jul 09, 6:00 PM by Mistress_Avralivia

Not that issue again!.. Jahc99 you're provocating the gallery (again!)! The one who's paid to be in charge does so within and where her freedom lies, the desires of her clients and what she is willing to offer in terms of services. The creative aspects within that space (the client's limits) are hers to exercise as she wishes, with her own good judgement. One can call that her rules, I call that an arrangement to suit the interest of both.

Come, pluck up a good heart; speak the truth and shame the devil. (François Rabelais) Book V, Author's prologue

Really? Because what was described has absolutely nothing, nothing at all, to do with what most people seem describe as aftercare. I don't recognise anything in any of these diatribes as relevent in any way, tbh. I consider it disengeneous to continually misrepresent what other people say.

So, some like to be left to their own devices, some like to keep in contact. Big deal. Each to, etc.

Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?
The antidote to whinge threads...?

Edited 4 Jul 09, 7:12 PM by Jahc99