After Scene Care (part 2) (29)

This post is on the SM/Bondage/Fetish web board.

Fri 3 Jul 09, 8:28 PM
just_cassie
UK(BN), 2 yrs Damn I left dinner burning to get in an answer before the thread ended... and still missed it!
Hope people won't mind me prolonging this one a bit longer but just wanted to say...

Jahc99 wrote:
I must admit, I am rather surprised by the way this thread has gone.
I think that's probably largely due to the way the OP was phrased...
If it had been simply "Is aftercare necessary?", my response would have been, it depends on whether the submissive *needs* it, however, the additional suggestion that aftercare should be some kind of special experience/reward in itself was what prompted me to react (as it is certainly not the kind of attention I would personally welcome).
Hearing a dominant claim that his submissive doesn't actually care for aftercare could easily be mistaken for a lack of care in general, which is why I personally felt it was important to point out (from a submissive's POV) that some of us really *don't*
That's not a claim at being “hardcore”, nor indeed to suggest that those of us that feel this way don't necessarily go as “deeply” into a scene (kinda weird that one should have to defend oneself from both accusations in one post)… it is however a fact that the kind of aftercare that some submissives seem to need (and heavens, nothing wrong with that!) could actually RUIN a scene for some others and I personally feel that's just maybe worth pointing out.
gidjit x

3 Jul 09, 8:31 PM
Jahc99
UK, 3 yrs
I suspect one of the main problems there was that people seemed to be using the term 'aftercare' to mean different things.
Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?
The antidote to whinge threads...?

3 Jul 09, 8:51 PM
fuschia
UK(SE), 9 yrs

Jahc99 wrote:
I suspect one of the main problems there was that people seemed to be using the term 'aftercare' to mean different things.
True. Also play can be nurturing - I'm thinking of some of the age play dynamics. I quite like to be "mothered", even though he's a bloke, lol. But that's because I don't have one of my own!
My posts weren't about "aftercare" as such, more about some very vivid memories of some very gentle intimate moments that came after some very hard s&m. having said that, I get very spaced out and I do need time to "come down"
The problem with a network is the dishonest and abusive will be very selective who they network I am happy to give an honest report on the past activities of X_Thunder_X to anyone thinking of getting involved in the future
www.londonfetishscene.com

3 Jul 09, 9:00 PM
Danbuc
UK(E), 9 mths

Jahc99 wrote:
I suspect one of the main problems there was that people seemed to be using the term 'aftercare' to mean different things.
Couldn't agree with you more both here and in the previous thread
--- Ha!

3 Jul 09, 9:20 PM
Shades_of_gray
UK(AB), 9 mths
gidjit wrote:
After Scene Care (part 2)
Damn I left dinner burning to get in an answer before the thread ended... and still missed it!
Hope people won't mind me prolonging this one a bit longer but just wanted to say...

Jahc99 wrote:
I must admit, I am rather surprised by the way this thread has gone.
I think that's probably largely due to the way the OP was phrased...
If it had been simply "Is aftercare necessary?", my response would have been, it depends on whether the submissive *needs* it, however, the additional suggestion that aftercare should be some kind of special experience/reward in itself was what prompted me to react (as it is certainly not the kind of attention I would personally welcome).
Hearing a dominant claim that his submissive doesn't actually care for aftercare could easily be mistaken for a lack of care in general, which is why I personally felt it was important to point out (from a submissive's POV) that some of us really *don't*
That's not a claim at being “hardcore”, nor indeed to suggest that those of us that feel this way don't necessarily go as “deeply” into a scene (kinda weird that one should have to defend oneself from both accusations in one post)… it is however a fact that the kind of aftercare that some submissives seem to need (and heavens, nothing wrong with that!) could actually RUIN a scene for some others and I personally feel that's just maybe worth pointing out.
gidjit x

Being fairly new to the open scene; some may disregard this as naive... A "scene" is only a "scene". We are all people with personalities; hard masochism is my game but I need some tender loving care... If you are paying, then you make the rules...

3 Jul 09, 9:23 PM
Jahc99
UK, 3 yrs

Shades_of_gray wrote:
If you are paying, then you make the rules...
That's a seperate issue - and I don't agree, by the way. You are paying someone else to make the rules!
ETA: http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/241627/4
Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?
The antidote to whinge threads...?
Edited 3 Jul 09, 9:25 PM by Jahc99

3 Jul 09, 9:23 PM
Lady_Lucan
UK(TD), 2 yrs
Shades_of_gray wrote:
If you are paying, then you make the rules...
Urk.

They that love not Tobacco & Boies were fooles.

3 Jul 09, 9:34 PM
just_cassie
UK(BN), 2 yrs
Shades_of_gray wrote:
Being fairly new to the open scene; some may disregard this as naive... A "scene" is only a "scene". We are all people with personalities; hard masochism is my game but I need some tender loving care... If you are paying, then you make the rules...
Umm... the other two have already queried the paying part... *I'm* not really sure what your actual point is other than the fact that *you* feel you need some "tender loving care" after a scene... and hopefully no one is suggesting *you* should feel otherwise
gidjit x
Edited to make sense...

Edited 3 Jul 09, 9:35 PM by just_cassie

4 Jul 09, 12:04 AM
kittincuffs
UK(NN), 4 yrs

Everyone is different, different people need different things, surely it's up to the people who are doing the scene to make sure all parties are on the same page regarding aftercare before it becomes an issue. Isn't it all about being able to communicate clearly? Or am i missing something?
For example i need aftercare, and not just on the day of play, but a few days later, isn't it up to me to make sure the person i'm playing with is aware of that?
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. - Mahatma Gandhi "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett.

4 Jul 09, 12:09 AM
Danbuc
UK(E), 9 mths

kittincuffs wrote:
Isn't it all about being able to communicate clearly? Or am i missing something?
Whooo sense! Go sense!
--- Ha!

4 Jul 09, 8:35 AM
Caracal
UK, 3 yrs

A simple proactive 'How are you feeling, are you ok?' from the dominant suffices for me, not just at the time but also in the days following intense and prolonged play. Endorphin imbalances are weird things and just to be able to be given the chance to talk it through, to help me get back on an even keel after the very real and sometimes severe reactions to the effects of heavy play is enough. I can deal with it myself after then, knowing that the person I've played with is interested in me as a person and not just another female body to notch on the tallycounter.

http://www.avaaz.org/en/ The nice lady with the whip.
Edited 4 Jul 09, 9:42 AM by Caracal

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