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| alexandraa |
I would say it all starts with fantasy. It certainly did for me. I dont suppose any of us woke up one morning and thought from this day on I am Dominant/submissive. For me what started as adventures in the land of "Gor" meets "Story of O" has resulted in a deep and meaningful relationship. I think so many people look for the fantasy and forget people are people and you have to have a relationship first and last. Dont get me wrong I happily hold my hand up and say I was in it for the sex mate. I was. Kinky sex give it to me, make it hard, chuck in some pleasurable pain, a handful of fear, a bit of hair pulling and Bobs your uncle, nice sex, fun sex, should there be something else to it? I didn't think so.
I knew what I wanted. To be tied and bound, teased and tormented, beaten, to receive erotic pain and to be fucked senseless obviously - that bit goes without saying. What I also knew was it was all land of fantasy stuff.... or was it? Ahh well I met a few MASTER and COMMANDERS, toyed with them somewhat, made up some journal entries so they could make up some "punishments" you know the usual bollocks, (no offence meant to those that do that for serious - personally I simply couldn't be arsed, so wrote 2 weeks worth one evening to give the dim what he wanted) had a bit of fun and then one day I met this very different person.
Ah harrr you say. Too right. I couldn't control him, shock horror hold the front page.
The Reality?
Almost two years later as you know I'm his, competely and utterly his. How did that happen? He was further down the road than I. I didn't know what I was looking for. He knew exactly what he wanted - unconditional love. He saw something in me. He pushed and prodded, made me think, got me to where I am today.
And today on the way into work while we were chattering in his lovely car, I know one day he'll let me drive it, (please??? hopeful puppy like look) (probably in 15 years time when its knackered) I had a blinding revelation. Steady its not actually that astounding but.......
(drum roll).......
All of a sudden it all made sense to me. (Flashes, lights, cameras etc). This Ds business was suddenly all but irrelevant. I had a blinding moment where I suddenly saw M, not as my Master, but as my lover, best friend, confidant, the person I bounce ideas off, the man that takes the mick out of me mercilessly and always listens to me carefully, the dear friend I trust with my life, my every foolish thought and fear, my most ridiculous fantasies, my unconditional love. The man I turn to in my moments of doubt, the face and voice I conjour to give me strength.
Suddenly I could see my progression from kinky sex pleasure seeker to a woman in a fully rounded utterly trusting no holds barred relationship. Of course there's the dynamic. Of course he's my Master. Of course I defer to him in all things. Of course there's the S&M play.
But I do all that - give myself to him in all ways including the making of my decisions, because of my love, trust and profound respect for the man he is.
Bit handy he likes the old spanky spanky too 
Oh
and btw it doesn't half give me a charge when he calls
me slave 
Like I said in my last blog that's
personal between him and I.
Did I mention I love him too.... ahh well I do I do I do.....
Ohh and the moral of the story? Seek the fantasy by all means, have the fun, loads of fun and when you're ready look for the relatiosnhip.
Edited Thu 25 Mar 04, 10:45 PM by alexandraa
