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| alexandraa |
Hahhahaha Krys you deviant dont be so coy I can
totally see you swaggering about as a Domme..... well
maybe not 
But your blog did spark off my memory of
early days with my ex husband - T (T for anything you
choose to think of beginning with T). In the very
very early days of our relationship - before we got
married (obviously you dont have sex once you're
married thank god - see previous blog ) i had as
ever harboured secret desires of bondage and torment.
Having been badgered by T for some time to tell him my
deepest darkest fantasies i decided to risk utter
humiliation and mention a couple. With great
hesitancy, because i was sadly already aware that
bondage and pain were not particularly acceptable to
the general public, i said i'd like to be tied up
during sex. Cant see anything wrong with that
picture, can you?
He said yeah thats a good idea what are you going to tie me up with.........and what are you going to do to me.... sigh. What's wrong with that picture? ffs. Now of course looking back not just to T's bedroom preferences but to his all round behaviour i can see he was a submissive male. I also expect he'd be a full blown S&M submissive if ever he let his imagination wander enough. I can look back from a position of knowledge and with the strength of hindsight and see we did have a hugely dominant/submissive relationship in an emotional and decision making sense - i soon stopped the bedroom bollocks - i mean that was just plain sick wasn't it? But to be fair i was actually forced into taking a dominant role by his submissive nature and can see he loved me making all the decisions, taking all the control, ordering him around and in fact being horribly cruel to him at times. He was devastated when i left him and i can see now he needed the support any submissive needs when their dominant releases them. I just didn't know i was his domme, as he didn't know he was my sub. If only i'd known i would have beaten the shit out of him.... calm down that was joke... i think (cringes at the thought of M reading this)(Feels session of M reinforcing his dominance coming on)(Yum).
Yes i'm mentally strong, intellectually fast, yes i can switch but its a bizarre thing. I have caned a couple of subs that i know and felt a kind of cold detachment. No sexual interest whatsoever but a glee at having all that contol and actually tormenting and giving someone the pain they wanted. I actually enjoyed the aspects of mental torment too but all in a sort of cold way. Completely different from the passionate fulfillment I feel as M's utter slave.
I know first and foremost I am submissive. What I also know is that I do not see myself as being submissive within our society as a whole. I have an inflated self image of being dominant to everyone I know - except M. I know people dont cross me at work, i know all it takes is the raising of an eyebrow and my staff and team mates are quivering, just as i quiver when M looks at me like that.
I think nearly each and everyone of us, sub and Dom, switches (except M who is 2000% pure dominant of course) in our everday life. There's a time a sub will take control and a time a Dominant will be submissve in their behaviour, even if its simply to manipulate a situation.
Its only within the privacy of our Ds relationships that we can freely express ourselves and be the 100% sub or Dom we prefer to be.
I dont consider myself to be switch by the way. I am a submissive woman - a highly intelligent, quick thinking, emotionally strong, (modest obviously) submissive that seeks an exceptional man that she can repect admire and learn from, to be her Dominant - bit handy I found him. Bit handy he wanted me. Bit handy he's gorgeous. Did I mention yet I love him? Oh and yes there's no bugger else I'd submit to (unless he chose it) but I'm still not switch.
Edited Mon 22 Mar 04, 11:18 PM by alexandraa
