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| alexandraa |
I met up with 9 of the girls I used to hang out with when I was at university. Some I hadn't seen for ten years, some for even longer. This was one of our reunions dare I say it – 20 years on…. How is that possible when I'm only 25? I have no idea. I must have been a child prodigy or something. Dont remember being a child prodigy to be fair but also dont remember how i reached the heady age of 40. I was a bit anxious about the inevitable question - So what have you done in the last 10 years? Gulp. Although M had been trying to get me to come up with a less shocking version of the truth I had failed horribly to think decisively about what I would say. I hate lying, that's the problem, so was prepared to fly by the seat of my pants after I'd got a feel for how “straight” they were. Bizarrely they all looked scarily the same except for the lack of 80s hair styles and human league type clothing.
What I found was most of them had got married a few years after university and nearly all of them had 2 kids and nearly all of them were in that “I'm married and my husband is good, kind and dull and if I have sex just twice a year then thank god he doesn't push me for more”. I told one of them that M and I are ummmm somewhat active to the extent where most mornings and evenings see some action. She gave me a horrified look and said oh my god you're not serious, you do things in the mornings!? I thought she was going to throw up. I wondered what she'd say if she knew – wait for it….. he puts his cock in…. my….. MOUTH!!!!! How disgusting is that? Hahahaha and then of course there's the rest, you know the sex weapon action – crops, canes, floggers, clamps, ropes, chains, and so on…. I didn't dare tell them. I would have felt thrown into a defensive position and also I didn't want to highlight how amazingly deep and fulfilling my relationship is with M. So I told them very little. In fact, just that I had a nice sweet kind generous boyfriend (Hehe sorry M I know I missed out evil). One if them said, “Well so long as you're not letting him control you” – I nearly choked. Of course not, why would I let a man control me??? God forbid.
I did tell all to my closest friend from days of old and she was typically non plussed asked a few questions and was completed accepting of it all. It's very hard to put across the depth of trust and communication within an established Ds relationship without making people feel I see their own relationships as lacking. I was very careful in what I said but I know when I'm on a roll my face fills with the joy and happiness I feel when I think about being M's. Because of that I actually rarely let go and tell people what I truly feel. I hate to think I would make them sad by letting them see the profound and marvellous depth of my happiness.
I know friends have taken the wrong impression of my relationship with M in the past because they have judged the tip of the iceberg that I have allowed them to see. They think they see me in a relationship based on sex, with a married man that no doubt they think is simply using me. How far are they from the truth? As far as the earth is from the sun, and then twice as much as that again. I don't disabuse them of their notions because I refuse to defend my relationship with M. It is a fabulous and precious thing and I will not sully it with defensiveness. I know what it is, he knows what it is and my true friends know the depth of my joy, the totality of our power exchange and the utter bliss I find in placing myself within M's complete control. Scratch the surface and you cant fail to see my happiness and completeness. Sad to see these other women with everything society encourages us to aspire to – lovely homes and gardens, a couple of kids, cars, successful husbands, enough income for them not to work, blah blah blah, and yet somehow unhappy, mising something but they dont know what. Scratch the surface and see their sadness.
Live life before it's too late. It's gone in a flash. Twenty years since I graduated in a blink of the eye and the next twenty years just as fast no doubt. Damn I have so much more to pack in. Now where is M and those sex weapons????
Edited Sun 21 Mar 04, 5:36 PM by alexandraa
