Dommes - how did you 'start'? (9)

Anyway, yes, the question is directed at Dommes specifically, as that's what I'm most interested in, for surely obvious reasons (!), but also the views of male Doms and switches could also be interesting, but I'd prefer to keep this somewhat focused otherwise it's a much wider topic

Was being dominant and "being a Domme" something you feel that was 'always with you'? For example, were you always turned on by feelings of power, or power with sex, or when being in control?

Or was it something that you developed over time through perhaps, a particular relationship? Discovery (random?) of BDSM, and somehow 'exploring a side of you' you weren't previously aware of? (But did you feel it was always there anyway, just dormant perhaps due to conformity with societal norms?).

Obviously for myself (as it explains on my profile), I can't ever really conceive of not being 'a sub'. It's something that has always been 'me' for as long as I can remember.

I was started there as a submissive because it was 1975 and in the southern US the prevailing thought was that if you were a girl you must be a submissive. I am/was a very bad submissive and that whole phase of my life lasted around 4-6 weeks, depending on who you ask. I didn't meet a female dominant or a submissive male for about two years.

Probably the only thing that saved me was that someone handed me a riding crop and taught me to use it. At that point I think that the men (the male dominants) decided that having a girl topping had possibilities in terms of "Hot girl on girl action*.

You do what you have to do to learn what you need to learn. I knew that the place I was at that point was the place I needed to be. If I had ever let that group of people go I wouldn't have had anywhere to go because in those days you had to *know* people and be introduced to be able to attend parties.

I don't think I can say that I "knew since birth" that I was dominant, though. I can look back and say that there were hints but that's hindsight. The guy who set my feet on this path of SM and I figured out pretty quick that I wasn't submissive. He did make sure that I understood the concepts of cooperation and the fact that in any relationship- everybody serves, albeit differently.

SinPar

-- The weak are the most treacherous of us all. They come to the strong and drain them. They are bottomless. They are insatiable. They are always parched and always bitter. They are everyone's concern, and like vampires they suck our life's blood. (Bette Davis)

However it's only looking back on those early memories that you can attribute some sort of D/s to them. At the time you just think you're like any other person really.

It's only in my teens that I learnt not everyone had the same sort of things going on in their heads

As for being "Domme" I started exploring in the scene as submissive because I didn't really know where I fit in to things and felt I had so much to learn etc... Then one day a submissive friend of mine and I had a really long chat and he suggested that I tried topping. The rest as they say is history.

These days I'm not all that fussed about the categories or labels or about being Domme or sub. To me those words have become more and more meaningless. I'm just a me and who I am is only relevant to the people for whom it matters.

-- A Kervert Pinky

I found most men were attracted to me because of that,

so when I started in the scene I went to Munchies and event's like the L.A.M and asked loads of questions, I have basically from there gone on.

xXAXx

~~If you don't like me it's your fault~~

Edited 1 Jul 09, 6:54 AM by Mistress_Amethyst

Then I met my first submissive, and wow. Just wow. I mean, I was 19, and it was unhealthy in a lot of ways, but I was totally into being in charge. We'd make weekend contracts, and I just loved it. But, I was scared of trying to do too much technical stuff, as I was worried I'd fuck it up in some way.

So, I went back to trying to submit, and sucking at it. I found that I was brilliant as a valet or butler- somewhat submissive, but also very self motivated- and I was only brilliant at it when the Dom in question was intriguing to me, and understood my submission was not a norm. The other 95% of the time, I really enjoy Domming/topping. Maybe that little sub bit is just because I'm still nervous about the technical aspects... maybe it's because there's so few people who get me WANTING to submit. In the meantime, I'm happy to sort out my household staff.

"I can't tell if you're playing some kind of feminazi mind fuck game on me or if you're trying to seduce me." -Sex and Death 101

Nothing saves anyone's life Sir. It just postpones their death.
All it takes for bad English to prevail is for literate people to do nothing.

Having said that I always remeber pre girl friend weird thoughts that I kept represseed.

Interesting to see not everyone really thought it was "in them" from early on, even on past reflection. Thanks!