Do you ever feel the need for punishment... (33)

There is as has already been said, something cathartic about a spanking for having done something wrong. I read a very interesting article that suggested it was due to the fact that many of us in our childhood received our punishment, and were then "forgiven" for our wrong-doings. Parents would, after the punishment provide love and support, letting us know that the matter was dealt with. We could move on free of guilt, as we had taken our punishment.

This is something I hugely identify with. I personally find it wonderful that someone loves me enough to discipline me and forgive me - to help me move on, close a door that I would otherwise spend an hour or a lifetime berating myself for.

Jules XxX

Not helped by being consigned to Dante's seventh layer of Hell as an impressionable teen by a rather sadist nun!

I have, however, grown up enjoying the catharsis that comes with receieving punishment, even though not directly linked to something I have done, in my mind I can reconcile the two actions as deserved, and therefore life continues in fairly good balance.

Probably predictably though, I sometimes then feel incredibly guilty for enjoying the punishment when really I shouldn't. (Actually, you should probably substitute "sometimes" with "always")

God yes, usually for thoughts rather than actions though. The kind of “fuck you” rebellious thoughts that slip by once in a while and cause shame seem most likely to cause this reaction in me.

As far as I can work out it's due to one of two things going on. Either it is a genuine yearning for all the good cleansing stuff -confession, atonement, absolution. Or it's the need to feel his control and reaffirm our respective roles, which re-establishes a strongly positive connection. As someone who views punishment as a loving act I'd make a guess at the later most of the time. Come to think of it the longer without control the more frequent the desire becomes (along with thoughts of defiance) so maybe it is more linked to that than anything.

As for self loathing no, that doesn't enter into it. As Altissimus has said self loathing is a strong statement and if that is your motivation it's worthwhile for you to explore this more. For example how do you generally view yourself a person? Do you ever feel entitled to make occasional mistakes? How do you feel generally about acceptance and forgiveness? How difficult do you usually find it to forgive yourself, forgive others? Is there a common denominator in the actions you feel are deserving of punishment e.g. lying? How long do these feelings of guilt last? Are there historical reasons for feelings of guilt or shame? A couple of things to ponder anyway.

I tend to think that punishment is a risky area to get into if someone has long standing difficulties with self worth or something related and only you will know if that applies to you.

"Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness".

I've changed since, though. Nowadays I feel I don't need any punishments for things that occurred irl any longer.

I'll try to elaborate here.

In reaction to thngs that happen irl, I definately still need the release sometimes, the catharsis. Yet now I reckognise it for what it is; pure catharsis and the liberation that only the endorphine rush can give you.

So, in stead of the whole punishment thing, I now just ask for a hard session. Which may, or may not happen. He always asks why I feel I need that. And acts accordingly. His prerogative.

I dunno, maybe I've learned that my masochism is mine indeed. I owe it. I take responsabilaty for the fact that I need the release. So some sort of excuse or way around it (like punishment dynamics) are no longer valid, for me.

I found that to be liberating.

I've been discussing punishment and repentance with someone recently - for me its interesting for several reasons. Firstly I'm interested in the psychological process by which someone lets go of the past and is freed from feelings of remorse or guilt or responsibility for things that have gone wrong. Secondly from a personal point of view I'm interested because for me administering punishment has always been an erotic thing, its something I've only done with partners with whom I have a sexual relationship. So I'm interested in how I will find administering punishment in a scenario that is not erotic at all.

As for the self loathing thing I think it depends. If someone wants to be punished because they have a general feeling of being wrong then possibly self loathing is a motivation. Whereas if someone wants to be punished for certain things they have done then I think the motivation is different.

I guess I'm switchy because I have that sort of need to bottom or submit every once in a while I feel like I've got all this stuff built up and my mind just gets so crowded with ideas and pleas and so on and so forth ... and I can get a sort of peace or different perspective on the gravity of things just by having my own limits pushed. Sometimes that's in a physical manner. Like a reset button .

Maybe it makes me feel more empathic after. I find I'm better for it and more devious

-- A Kervert Pinky

Edited 2 Jul 09, 8:31 AM by Violently

I have on rare occasions felt so shamed by my own actions that I've felt it might be appropriate to undergo physical punishment. This certainly isn't because of self loathing, but because of loathing of the action and of the tendency or weakness in my own make-up which led to the action. It feels like a need for cleansing, purging, with a view to eradication of the underlying defect. A need to be taught a lesson, or rather have that lesson reinforced through pain. To use Violently's well chosen word, a catharsis. I also sometimes picture the purification of gold through the action of fire and heat. (See - I don't do self loathing or a negative self image).

As one who has dabbled a little in educational and learning theory I realise this isn't a popular model. And not one I'd want to use or be used very much. But on rare occasions I've felt it might be right for me. Sometimes the more subtle educational approaches or the christian notion of confession and absolution seem a little to easy.

I don't see pain as a forgiveness for the action, but as an attempt to address the underlying defect.

Incidentally I don't have much in the way of masochist inclinations though could be willing to undergo pain in the context of D/s. But this would be completely different.

Of course the idea of deserving physical painful punishment creates a need for someone to deliver that punishment, which is a fraught problem in itself, and so open to misunderstanding and misinterpretation. In practice I've never been able to access that punishment. I hope I'm gradually learning lessons through other means.

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/

Edited 2 Jul 09, 6:04 PM by wonderer

...how very odd.