IC ... not a dating site (80)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

Sat 27 Jun 09, 2:19 AM
subtlekiss
UK, 2 yrs
I have never posted a thread before on here , not sure if this is the right or appropriate place.Sorry if its not and I will accept the stoning with as good grace as I can muster.
On another thread there was mentioned that IC isnt a dating site. This peaked my interest as I am mainly on here to date. Perhaps this why I feel and others on here so disheartened at times. I also have a profile on alt and again have had the same frustrations of pervs , beggars and people with desperation carved all over their sweating cum stained selves, contacting me.
I have also seen many people mention that they have met their partners here so it has left me slightly confused
I was just wondering what the general consenus is really .. am I wasting my time here ? am I in the wrong place ? If so could any one point a friendly finger for me in the right direction ?
For those who did , it would be lovely to hear your experiences.
For those on the scene do you find it easier to meet people ? I have always been slightly resistant to the scene mainly for privacy reasons but if I thought I could meet a tall dark and mysterious man who was actually more interested in a conversation about interesting topics than his penis size or flogger collection , I might just be tempted.

express yourself , don't repress yourself.

27 Jun 09, 2:26 AM
Jahc99
UK, 3 yrs
Fetch yer coat, you've pulled! Rope or chains?
Seriously, this site is great for kicking ideas out and getting feedback, which is sometimes a kick in the pips.
But yes, it does sometimes work as a dating site, if you are honest and reliable, and patient.
Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you?
The antidote to whinge threads...?

27 Jun 09, 2:34 AM
lima_pink_tigress
UK(G), 17 mths

I suppose it depends what you're looking for from it. that's the thing I like about IC, it's not just a dating site, it's not just a networking site, it's not just a place to glean information from or a place to catch up with friends/aquantances. It's any or all of the above.
Pink stripey tigresses have pink stripey bottoms

27 Jun 09, 2:41 AM
sub_enchanter
UK(HP), 10 mths

lima_pink_tigress wrote:
I suppose it depends what you're looking for from it. that's the thing I like about IC, it's not just a dating site, it's not just a networking site, it's not just a place to glean information from or a place to catch up with friends/aquantances. It's any or all of the above.
Very true, I keep finding new bits to IC. In the short time I've been here I've chatted to an interesting mix of people.
To the OP, you probably have as much chance here as anywhere else and you don't have to restrict yourself to looking online anyway.

27 Jun 09, 3:15 AM
Arbuthnot
UK(E), 5 yrs

If IC is not a dating site why does it have personal ads? Of course, it's a number of other things as well and different people have different ways of using, enjoying and learning from it.
I'm not impressed with whoever it was who declared IC to be "not a dating site". Obviously, it isn't for that person, but surely all the people who find something for them in the varied resources here should be equally respected. Negating the use of IC as a dating site sounds to me like putting down all those for whom that's mainly, partly or tangentially what it is.
Must go now. Off to my local park to berate all those people sitting on benches chatting, reading papers, staring into space etc. That's not what the park is for! It's only for people who want to play football, tennis etc. Who do these people think they are?
Best of luck to you, Jane, and thanks to everyone who maintains this site and contributes to its many facets in constructive, friendly and exciting ways.
Edited 27 Jun 09, 3:19 AM by Arbuthnot

27 Jun 09, 3:16 AM
Mage2005
UK, 5 yrs
JaneEyre wrote:
am I wasting my time here ?

It is never a waste of time to be in company of like minded folk. How you apply the views or information shared will vary according to circumstances.
Although work ethic restricts opportunity, I enjoy the ideas and knowledge that appears. It has also been interesting to share my own interpretations, openly and privately with fellow members. This has led to actually meeting compatably minded individuals whom I now consider to be more than mere acquaintances.
As has been already observed, patience is required. With such a large cross-section of differing interests it takes time to actually cross paths with a person whose beliefs exactly match your own.
Good luck and be positive.

27 Jun 09, 3:28 AM
TheKey
UK(N), 2 yrs
I think the reason most people find that IC isn't that useful as a dating site is because it's primarily here to communicate times and dates for events, and thus tends to attract the sort of people who like going to events and are therefore more likely to want to meet people in real life rather than online.
Also, a lot of people might say they met their partner "on IC" when actually they've met someone in real life and had happened to have seen them around IC before.
Worth a try though, eh?

27 Jun 09, 6:41 AM
wonderer
UK, 3 yrs

It may have been my comment about this not being a dating site. Hope it hasn't caused confusion. I was responding to someone (a male) who seemed to be hoping this site would work as a source of dates without him making much effort to participate in other aspects of the site - not even any profile text. Generally it doesn't, especially for males who are in a majority. But the personal ads feature is a possible way one might make contacts which lead to dates.
Rather than calling this a dating site, I'd say it's a site with features which can help people find dates, but it's not one dedicated to dating as its main objective. It's also about discussion, interaction, information, debate, blogging, chatting, promoting BDSM events and services - all manner of stuff. And with a sense of community - in pockets at least. The more you participate in the site, (and possibly also in other events promoted here such as munches) the more likely you are to find friends, networks, contacts and dates.
I think dates are easier to find here for women than for men, and for dominant women than for submissive ones.
In answer to your question in last paragrah, I found it a little difficult to start with to get to know people on this site, but through participation it has become much easier. I also had the great benefit of finding an experienced and helpful correspondent and friend early on in The Marquise, who has always been supportive and encouraging. Despite my having many features which are statistically discouraging (52 year old bearded submissive male in a vanilla marriage) I have been able to make some wonderful friends both online and in real life.
I do hope you find what you're looking for.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est. http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/226772/
Edited 27 Jun 09, 6:52 AM by wonderer

27 Jun 09, 7:38 AM
sarahsighs
UK, 20 mths

this site is all of these things and more....the dating aspect - when I joined the site last Summer I didnt have many expectations of meeting somebody and to my eternal surprise I have (and feel very lucky about that)...Im a shy girl though and havent really engaged in the social side of things (give it time), though do enjoy reading blogs/weblogs...some great minds on here...and love the many inspiring literary and artistic refs in many of the profiles
I remember being told in the very early days of being on IC that I didnt belong here....someone who, I guess, had a very fixed take on things, and its been good to find since that we have a very broad church here with all sorts of takes and fluidity on bdsm
I think its great here T xx

27 Jun 09, 7:49 AM
Violently
UK, 10 yrs
I find IC a very sensible place for BDSM both finding out and dispersing information (why else would them pesky reporters hang out here?)
I'm not so sure about the dating bit. I think places like Collarme or even OKCupid might be more geared towards the dating aspect of things better.
But like anything, its what you do with it which enables you rather than any one thing...
-- A Kervert Pinky

27 Jun 09, 7:52 AM
kashyk
UK(AL), 15 mths
The consensus seems to be that the site has a lot of different stuff on it so it can be different things to different people. I met a couple of people off here a while back which was great. Am now in a relationship so not looking to meet (and I make that clear in line 1 of my profile so that no one can accuse me of being a time-waster). But I still enjoy the site to read blogs and threads, chat to like-minded people etc.
Never underestimate the value of being in the company of the like-minded!

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