Discussing other pros with clients (22)

I personally think it is lacking in professionalism to conduct such discussion about any aspect of another pro's work which is not in the public domain (eg, what the pro themselves states on their website, or what a former client may have said on a review forum such as UKM).

In my previous line of work, talking about another worker's conduct or methods, without express permission, to customers or other interested parties, was considered highly unprofessional and often resulted in disciplinary action.

Clearly, as BDSM for money is not a regulated profession, its value base is different and in certain senses it is regarded as self-policing. However, very few pros I have met would dream of being indiscreet about their clients, so why is a lack of discretion about other pros considered less problematic?

I for one refuse to conduct such discussions and only mention other pros by their professional names when recommending them to callers who ask for certain activities I do not engage in.

What do others think?

I do occasionally recommend ladies when I get a request from UK based subs who are looking for a regular mistress and will give them some information. But at no point will I state whether she is fantastic at what she does - it is highly subjective and depends on many factors. I would consider it very unprofessional to speak to a client about other PDs, unless she was a known scam artist or had damaged one of my clients (without consent) to the extent it needed medical attention.

If you are so desperate for clients that you need to badmouth others, you shouldn't call yourself a professional - you're not.

“During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell

Then I hear stories about dangerous practises. When I hear the same tale more than twice from different clients I have to pay a lot of attention because as a group of individuals to some extent we do have to police each other and ensure the safety of our clients. PDs tell each other a lot and most of it comes from our clients.

There is gossip for gossip's sake and then there is information that needs to be known about.

ETA. I will recommend PDs that I hear good about but obviously I won't recommend those I consistently hear bad about.

"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness
http://www.ladyanna.co.uk/ http://www.clips4sale.com/store/26308

Edited 25 Jun 09, 5:28 PM by Lady_Anna_Bradford

So I am just wondering when you are privvy to such information what you would do with it, other than not recommending that person of course

I have never been told something that I would be seriously concerned about, but recognise that there is always a first time

Regards MP

Might depend a bit on context I suppose?

I've been seeing the same domme for ages and I'll sometimes chat with her about mistresses I saw before her. It's generally quite high level (twas a good session or this person did that) without going into much detail.

I don't always mention names (most have retired anyway) but as she is completely off the pro domme scene herself they wouldn't mean anything to her, anyway. I think she finds it interesting - and helpful - as it gives her information about my BDSM history and ideas for sessions

I fully accept I could do the same without naming names but we are pretty close, she isn't scene at all and I am normally positive about them. It's chat really - not gossip

Other PDs are not my colleagues we are all effectively pulling our subs from the same available pool.

However, I can't quite see other PDs as rivals as such because I have confidence in myself and my own abilities not to worry about what other PDs do or don't do or how good or otherwise they are.

I see other PDs are more like business associates. We are in the same business but I treat them, when it is due, with complete respect and some I admire greatly and will be happy to say so aloud to anyone. Some PDs especially those in close proximity to me now are my dear friends and we are socialise frequently and are extremely supportive of each other.

Over the last decade, subs visiting me have told me a great deal about other Mistresses, I listen and like Lady Anna prefer not to give out too much. I pass on things I have heard only if I have heard it frequently and from reliable different sources, that applies to the good and the bad which comes to my attention.

I don't think PDs necessarily owe any other PD any loyalty and some clearly don't and are overtly and loudly competitive at every given opportunity. Fair enough, that's their choice, although it can be a tad tedious.

I like to be supportive of fellow PDs but have passed on negative information about a Domme (very well known, no longer working here) whose equipment fell apart and hurt someone badly and a PD who conducted her sessions high on cocaine and again damaged a sub very badly, landing him in hospital. I think that was fair and reasonable as I know both stories were true.

I never talk about other PDs to client unless they bring the subject up in which case I will listen to their stories and smile, be sympathetic but not add anything particular to the conversation. I see no reason why a sub cannot speak to me of his previous experiences good or bad but I do not gossip.

Edited 25 Jun 09, 5:44 PM by MistressKeene

There really isn't much you can do about it other than never ever recommend them. Sometimes by saying nothing about a particular PD can tell a client everything he needs to know. Raised eyebrows speak volumes.

"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness
http://www.ladyanna.co.uk/ http://www.clips4sale.com/store/26308

Anna

How do Working Dommes police themselves?

Chris

By supporting the good and not recommending the bad.

...and taking the piss out of the truly terrible but that is done very very privately

"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness
http://www.ladyanna.co.uk/ http://www.clips4sale.com/store/26308

I do find that subs are often quite keen to discuss previous experiences and this can be positive if there is something that will help me with the session I am about to do.

I have many very dear friends who are PDs and we exchange pertinent information from time to time, e.g. a dodgy character who has the potential to turn nasty, serial timewasters, etc. It also means that, if I am approached to carry out e.g. a Judicial caning with someone I haven't met before and who tells me they cannot meet me for a session prior to this scenario, then I can check with the Ladies whom he states he has played with previously which enhances his safety whilst reducing the possibility of him being another fantasist who couldn't take a beating with a wet lettuce! I would rather find out before I start laying into him!

I am also very happy to recommend some ladies, one of whom has posted on this thread, even though I have never met her. The reason for this is that I have consistently heard only good things about this Lady for several years. Now ... that is a direct result of subs talking to me about their sessions. When seen in that light, it's surely not a negative thing?

It seems to me that Ladies who choose to slate "the competition" for no good reason are not going to last very long and do it because they are hopelessly inadequate or insecure. There is actually no need for this sort of behaviour as subs tend to chat and garner reccomendations among themselves and there are, of course, several places for them to post their "honest" opinions.

Some people are like slinkies ... they don't really have a purpose, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs
Some people say I'm a bitch, that's just not true - I have the heart and soul of a kind and gentle person ... in a jar, on my desk, next to my cane.

LadyPandoraCP wrote: Basically, what Lady Anna and Mistress Keene have said I do find that subs are often quite keen to discuss previous experiences and this can be positive if there is something that will help me with the session I am about to do. I have many very dear friends who are PDs and we exchange pertinent information from time to time, e.g. a dodgy character who has the potential to turn nasty, serial timewasters, etc. It also means that, if I am approached to carry out e.g. a Judicial caning with someone I haven't met before and who tells me they cannot meet me for a session prior to this scenario, then I can check with the Ladies whom he states he has played with previously which enhances his safety whilst reducing the possibility of him being another fantasist who couldn't take a beating with a wet lettuce! I would rather find out before I start laying into him!

I think we should make the distinction between talking about people (other PDs) and their session content. I do speak to subs about their previous experiences, what worked, what didn't. I am happy for them to share information, but I do not need to know names. In fact, I'd rather not know unless there is a serious issue (medical attention required, drug use, ignoring safety measures).

“During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” - George Orwell