This post is on the D/s & M/s web board.
| Wed 24 Jun 09, 7:55 PM SarahSoo UK, 3 yrs |
I've been mulling this over for a while. There are various things, which would previously have been hard limits, that I have become more and more fascinated with and regularly fantasise about. However, I am aphrehensive about enacting these because I'm concerned that the reality may not not live up to the fantasy and this may in some way damage my relationship. By this, I mean I'm scared that we could push things too far and I could end up really resenting him/ being upset by what has taken place. Has anyone had experiences of taking things too far and what were the consequences? | |
| 24 Jun 09, 8:00 PM Jahc99 UK, 5 yrs  |
Talk it all through, and agree that whatever happens, you are both going into it with eyes open and wanting to explore. And, most importantly, that whatever happens, you will still be friends (or whatever you are!) afterwards. Any use? Why poison your liver when I could eat it for you? | |
| 24 Jun 09, 8:04 PM jules9 UK(CH), 3 yrs    |
Daddy and I played with cling film a few weeks ago, with him making me a cling film mask that had one small hole for my mouth, which he chose to cover at various times. As someone who is hugely claustrophobic this would have been described as a hard limit. The repercussions for me were after our play. My sub drop was huge and Daddy in all honesty was being pretty rubbish at aftercare. I felt anger, sadness and strangely rejected. It's taken us until this weekend to actually get back to normal. I'd do it again for him in a heartbeat, but he knows this time that if he wants to play hard with my limits, then he needs to give me the support afterwards. In terms of the play itself, I both hated it and loved it. Hated it because of what it meant to me, but loved it because of what it meant to him. Jules XxX | |
| 24 Jun 09, 8:07 PM Tartful_dodger UK, 3 yrs |
I think it depends on how much responsiblity you are able to take for your own actions and consent, when all is said and done. Some people aren't able to fully able to recognise their own consent and can lay blame on a dom. Dodger | |
| 24 Jun 09, 8:24 PM SarahSoo UK, 3 yrs |
Jules9, that is exactly what I'm referring to. I don't want a situation where i almost end up hating my parther for what happened. As a claustrophobic, the cling film sounds several hard limits too far for me too! I'm not saying I would blame him if something didn't work out the way it was intended. It's more that I would resent him for the way he acted at the time. I say this from experience. Many years ago, a particular incident, which wouldn't bother me at all now, affected the way I felt about my then partner. His language and the way he spoke to me really upset me and made me question our relationship because it was something I didn't think him capable of, even in a play context. | |
| 24 Jun 09, 8:26 PM LittleMissEvil 4 yrs |
I personaly think its how you look at them, by saying X is a hard limit then you are instantaly building it up to be somthing you wont do, and in your mind you may think its the worst thing in the world to do. A way someone talked about it at a munch i was at, was to not look at things as hard limits just as things right now you dont fancy doing. That way you dont asociate the act with being a hard limit and it may make things easier to do when you do decide to do them. But as has already been mentioned, after care may be importante when you are doing somthing you previousaly didn't do. As new experiances can affect us all in different ways, some good but some bad and its not neciseraly going to show up straight away. But have fun exploring new things, and dont push yourself to hard thinking you have to try anything new or go to far to fast. Some people say i am evil, i have no idea why they think that. | |
| 24 Jun 09, 8:35 PM jules9 UK(CH), 3 yrs |
I just want to be clear that I don't blame him for my sub drop, I don't blame him for the way I felt during and after we played. I am a consenting adult and understood fully what I was getting into (even if he did spring it on me during our session). My example was given because I now recognise that a hugely important thing for me is aftercare, when it comes to pushing boundaries like that. I know we can play hard and come out of the other end smiling, sometimes these things just take a bit of trial and error to get right though. I think with all these things being able to take a step back and communicate effectively with your partner is essential. Sometimes when you are in the middle of sub drop that can be very hard though, so we both know in future if we play like that then he needs to find the time to give me the support and encouragement I need. Jules XxX | |
| 24 Jun 09, 8:38 PM SarahSoo UK, 3 yrs |
Sorry, my comment about blame was in response to the other comment, not yours. | |
| 24 Jun 09, 8:43 PM jules9 UK(CH), 3 yrs |
I understood that - I didn't for one second think you were "aiming" at me!! I'd go back and reword, but this is far easier!!! Jules XxX | |
| 15 Jul 09, 9:31 PM iamafls 6 yrs  |
I'm lucky. Mistress and I are still exploring both this lifestyle and each other, so we have open dialogues about any activities. Personally I take the view that it's more about trust and communication, than limits. And as Mistress has taken me past what I would've previously said were 'limits' for me, I guess it's working well for us. | |
| 10 Aug 09, 3:08 PM Canedman UK(TR), 4 yrs |
There are always dangers of things going too far,and it's probably more easy for this to happen when you're starting out,or not sure of each others limits. It happened to me once when I caned a girl.It was over her jeans and knickers,so I couldn't see the effect I was having.She seemed unmoved,and that probably encouraged me to increase the force for the last few strokes. Even after many years I can remember vividly the tears welling up in her eyes as she stood.I felt very guilty and ashamed that I had hurt her!
Thank you Mistress. |
